Thanksgiving Countdown, Day 7: Agree to Disagree

I'm really grateful for people who can get along with other people, even when they believe drastically different things. Way too many people are locked down in their own, limited understanding, thinking their point of view contains the only absolute truth.

Ben told me about a study a while back that showed something interesting: the more someone understands about any given topic, the more they realize how much they've yet to understand.

For example, my daughter thinks that she already knows all there is to know about singing. She's got a pretty good voice, and she can find the notes, so she figures that's all there is to it. If you ever watched American Idol auditions, you know that this is not an unusual point of view. There are a lot of people out there who know very little about singing (or science, or art, or politics). But a large percentage of them feel absolutely confident that they know all there is to know.

Then, someone like me, who has studied singing for more than a decade, knows that there's so much more to learn. I'm far more aware of the mistakes I make, and the areas that still need improvement. And the study showed that this is the case in most instances. The more you know about something, the more you realize that you're still lacking knowledge or ability in that area.

If you need evidence, look no further than politics. Or debates about religion! I'm always amazed at how much non-members who know zero Mormons in real life are convinced that they know everything about the Mormon church. To the point where they will argue with actual members of the church, who are living it daily, and tell them that they (the Mormons) don't know what they're talking about. They profess to know more about the church than the people who are actually in it. And they refuse to believe otherwise.

Those of us who have strong conviction, though, and who have constantly tried to learn and understand more about the gospel, recognize that we know so very little. The Lord knows it all, we know a tiny fraction, and we have to trust Him with the rest of it and hope we'll gain more understanding over time.

Politics is the same way. People who have really studied the issues realize that most of the answers have yet to be discovered, or lie somewhere in the middle. But most people don't go that far. They prefer to cling to what little they know, and staunchly defend it, even when presented with evidence to the contrary.

Human beings are so stubborn. It's just part of our nature.

That's why I'm so grateful for people who are humble enough to overcome that human nature, and realize that they might not already know it all. I hope I fall into that camp myself, because while I think the things I believe are pretty correct (same as everyone else believes of their own ideas), I realize that I don't know everything. I try to keep an open mind to new thoughts and ideas, and genuinely see if they have value. I don't always succeed in keeping an open mind, but I do try.

My husband, thankfully, is the same way. At the moment, we disagree on a lot of fundamental issues. But he still listens to my point of view, and I listen to his. And even though we believe different things, we're able to let it go and agree to disagree.

And that's really the most important thing people need to learn in these kinds of situations. It's okay to disagree with someone. It's okay to be blatantly different people with blatantly different ideas. The important thing is to remember that we're all human. We're all brothers and sisters. We're living this life together. We can certainly be loving and respectful, even when we disagree. And, in fact, it's important that we do.

So the next time you think someone is wrong, instead of getting loud and confrontational with them (face to face or on the internet), try to remember that they're a person, too. They've lived their own life, and had their own experiences that have led them to where they are. Just because the conclusions they reached are different than yours doesn't mean they're evil. It doesn't mean they're foolish. It doesn't even necessarily mean they're wrong. There's room for everyone in this world. We can have our own, individual perspectives, and still be kind to each other. We can still respect each other. We can still love each other.

It's okay to defend what you believe in. But it's not okay to get ugly about it.

I'm so grateful for the people in my life who understand that. I'm grateful for those who are willing to listen and love, even when they disagree. I'm grateful for the peacemaking attitude they provide. And I hope that I'm generally that kind of person myself.