Alice in Literatureland

That's a working title. Any title ideas people come up with are welcome, I couldn't think of anything clever.

Ben's Mom asked if I could maybe help her with road show ideas, involving literature. I haven't done a lot of road shows, so I have no idea if this is even on the right track, but my imagination got carried away and I had a lot of fun writing this. So even if it's never performed, I'd like to share what I came up with. Enjoy! :)

Scene 1
(Scene opens on Alice and her Sister, who is reading to her. Alice rests back against a tree while she listens)

Sister: Alice, dear, please pay attention. This book is a literary masterpiece. You can learn a lot from books like these.

Alice: What could I possibly learn from these sorts of books? (holding one up) “Treasure Island”? “The Jungle Book”? I’m never going to live in a jungle, or on a desert island. What could these books possibly teach me? And books like “Oliver Twist” and “Robin Hood” are about common criminals. Surely you don’t think there’s anything I could learn from them!

Sister: What about “Romeo and Juliet”? Or “The Wizard of Oz”? Most young girls find those kinds of stories enchanting.

Alice: It’s all stuff and nonsense. And reading is dull! Honestly, I think my time would be better spent elsewhere.

Sister: Well, I think they’re well worth the effort, so I’m going to read them to you anyway. You might as well sit back and listen. Maybe you’ll learn something.

(Alice sighs heavily and leans back, closing her eyes. As she’s resting there, The Artful Dodger sneaks up and picks her pocket, taking a pocket watch. Alice opens her eyes just in time to see him standing over her with the watch. She jumps to her feet as he starts running away.)

Alice: I say! You there! Come back! That pocket watch is mine! (she chases after him, following him offstage)

Scene 2

(The scene opens, and we’re in a jungle, complete with trees and bushes. There’s a yellow road crossing the stage (unless the audience can’t see the floor of the stage, in which case it doesn’t matter). Dodger runs across the stage, disappearing off the other side. Alice comes in a moment later, and looks around, not knowing where he went.)

Alice: Oh bother. Where’s he got to now?

(Enter Mowgli. He’s running from something. Both of them looking different directions, he and Alice crash into each other, falling down)

Alice: Ouch! You ought to be more careful!

Mowgli: I was being careful! Shere Khan is after me! The safest, most “careful” thing to do is just what I was doing – running!

Alice: Sheer who? What are you talking about?

Mowgli: You don’t know who Shere Khan is? He’s the king of this jungle. How can you even be here without knowing who he is?

Alice: He’s the king? Why is he chasing you? Did you break some sort of law?

Mowgli: What?? No! He’s chasing me because he’s a huge, man-eating tiger! (frustrated) I don’t have time for this! I have to run! If you have any brains at all, you’ll run, too!

(Exit Mowgli. Alice looks around nervously. She hears a rustling in the “trees”, and screams as Long John Silver and two of his pirates step out)

Alice: (relieved) Oh! I thought you were a huge, man-eating tiger! I was frightened!

LJS: As well you should be, miss. Now tell me what I be needin’ to hear, and we won’t be havin’ any trouble, aye?

Alice: (stammering) I… I…

LJS: There’s a good lass. Now, (yelling) what’ve ye done with my treasure?

Pirate 1: Your treasure, Long John? That be our treasure, and let’s not be forgettin’ it!

Pirate 2: Aye, Cap’n. We wouldn’t want to see you comin’ to some sorta misfortune, now would we?

LJS: (rolling his eyes) Aye, aye, our treasure. That’s what I meant, lads, of course! Ye can trust ol’ Long John, I love you lads.

Pirate 2: Ah, aye, Cap’n. We love ye too.

LJS: Right, then. (waves them over) Group hug! Aye, hug it out. There we go. (They hug) Now! (He turns back to Alice) Where be my treasure?!?

(Enter Dodger and Oliver, who begin sneaking up on Pirate 1 and Long John Silver)

Alice: I don’t have it! I haven’t seen any treasure, I swear! I wouldn’t even know where to look!

Pirate 1: What rubbish! Everyone knows that treasure lies beneath the “X”!

Alice: (bewildered) What??

LJS: “X” marks the spot! What, were ye raised in a barn? I’ve ne’er before met a person, even a landlubber like yerself, who didn’t know that!

(Dodger and Oliver simultaneously pick the pirates’ pockets. The pirates turn, spotting the boys. They chase them offstage)

Pirates and LJS: (ad libbed) Come back here! That’s me treasure! Etc.

(Alice sits on a rock and starts to cry. Robin Hood swings in on a rope (if possible), or just enters. He poses gallantly, preening for the audience. Eventually, he notices Alice)

Robin: Why, my dear, you are crying! Whatever for?

(Startled, Alice looks up)

Alice: I’ve been having a bad day, if you must know. A boy stole my pocket watch, and when I chased after him, I found myself lost in this jungle. I didn’t even know there was a jungle in England! And since I arrived here I’ve been yelled at, threatened, and apparently I narrowly escaped being eaten by a huge tiger. To top it all off, the boy who took my watch was just here, but I was so worked up over the pirates I didn’t even have the presence of mind to ask for my watch back! (she starts crying again)

Robin: Now, now, my dear. There’s no need for tears. I, Robin Hood, am here to help!

Alice: How can you help? Aren’t you a thief yourself?

Robin: (insulted) No, my dear. I’m merely a gentleman who feels it’s his responsibility to ensure that the poor receive their just due. Besides, (he whistles loudly) I believe I know the young man who relieved you of your pocket watch.

(Dodger and Oliver enter)

Dodger: You whistled, gov’nor?

Robin: That I did, lads. I’ve just heard a terrible tale from this young lady here. She says that some young scoundrel lifted a pocket watch off of her, not too long ago. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?

Dodger: (trying to look innocent) Me, gov’nor? No, sir, I don’t know nothing at all about that.

Alice: (jumping to her feet, angry) Yes, you do! You took my watch!

Dodger: Me, miss? I think you ‘ave me confused with someone else.

Oliver: Dodge, maybe we ought to just give it back…

(Dodger shushes him)

Oliver: But, Dodge –

Dodger: All right, then! All right! I’ll give it back. But, Robin, we’re ‘ungry! We were going to pawn it off for food. If we’re to give it back, I certainly ‘ope you’ll make it worth our while.

Robin: (smiling gallantly) Naturally, boys! Just hand the watch over, quickly now! (Dodger gives Robin the watch) Here you are, then! (Robin takes a bit of food out of his pocket and hands some to each of the boys, who devour it quickly)

Oliver: Please, sir, I want some more!

Robin: Off with you! Back to work!

(The boys exit)

Robin: (smiling fondly) Those two. Complete scamps, but just adorable.

Alice: Yes, they were darling. May I have my watch?

(Robin hands the watch to Alice)

Alice: Thank you! Now I can go home. (she looks around) That is, if I can figure out where “home” is…?

Juliet: (from offstage) Roooooooomeooooooooooo!!!

Robin: Oh no!

Juliet: (still offstage) Rooooooooomeoooooooooo!!!

Robin: (panicked, looking around frantically) Hide me! Hide me!

(Robin dives behind Alice)

Juliet: (as she’s entering) Roooomeooo – oh! Hello! Hast thou seen my Romeo anywhere about?

Alice: I don’t think so. What does he look like?

Juliet: Oh he’s tall, strong, handsome, and verily, he doth spend most of his time wearing green tights. Forsooth, ‘tis strange, I know, but the heart wants what it wants. And my heart yearns for Romeo!

Alice: (confused) I did see someone by that description, but – (Robin pokes Alice) OUCH!

Juliet: Thou hast seen him? Oh, bliss! Rapture! Whither has he gone? (she notices the feather from Robin’s hat over Alice’s shoulder) My love! I’ve found you!

(Juliet rushes toward Robin, who backs away)

Robin: For the last time, woman, I am not this Romeo you seek! I am Robin of Loxley, also known as Robin Hood! I admit, I have been called many things, but “Romeo” is not one of them!

Juliet: (she laughs and wraps her arms around him) Oh, thou dost jest! I know thee better than I know mine own self. Thou art Romeo, my one true love!

Robin: (struggling to escape) Nay, fair lady, nay! I am not this Romeo you seek! You have me confused with someone else! (Juliet ignores him, continuing to hug him tightly. Robin points over Juliet’s shoulder in desperation) Look over there! Isn’t that my old girlfriend Rosaline???

(Juliet releases Robin and turns quickly, jealously looking around for “Rosaline”. Robin uses the opportunity to escape offstage)

Juliet: (turning back around) Forsooth, I see her not, Rom- Wait! My love! He hath vanished! (Juliet turns on Alice, angrily) Whither has he gone! Speak!

Alice: I’m not sure. I think he might have gone that way. (she points the opposite direction from where Robin went)

Juliet: I shall find him again, and we shall be together forever! Not even the icy hands of Death himself can part me from my Romeo! (running offstage) Roooooooomeooooooooo!!!

Alice: (shaking her head) Curiouser and curiouser. (she looks around, realizing she’s all along) How am I ever going to get home?

(Munchkin 1 pops out from behind a bush, behind Alice, where she can’t see him/her)

Munchkin 1: Follow the yellow brick road!

(As Alice turns around, Munchkin 1 hides again. Alice sits back down, facing a different direction. Munchkin 2 pops up behind her)

Munchkin 2: Follow the yellow brick road!

(Alice spins around again, but Munchkin 2 is hidden again. As Alice stops turning and settles onto the rock again, Munchkin 3 pops up, again where Alice can’t see him/her)

Munchkin 3: Follow the yellow brick road!

(Alice doesn’t even stand up this time, she just looks around)

Alice: You know, I’ve heard of a face without a voice, but never a voice without a face…

(The Munchkins giggle, and stand up)

Alice: (surprised) Goodness! Where did you come from?

Munchkin 1: We live here!

Munchkin 2: Where did you come from?

Alice: I’m from London.

Munchkin 3: I’ve never heard of London. Is it nearby?

Alice: I thought it was, but maybe I’ve traveled further than I thought. At any rate, I’m lost and I don’t know how to get home. Can you help me?

(The Munchkins giggle)

Munchkin 2: We already told you – follow the yellow brick road!

Munchkin 3: That’s the only way to get home from here.

Alice: The road will lead me home?

(The Munchkins giggle again)

Munchkin 1: No, silly. The road will take you to the wizard. He’s the one who can tell you how to get home!

Alice: Oh! All right, then. I shall follow the yellow brick road. Anything is better than sitting around here, crying, I suppose.

Munchkins: Good luck! (they giggle and exit together)

Alice: (to herself, looking down at the ground) Follow the yellow brick road… follow the yellow brick road… (she exits)

Scene 3

(Alice enters from offstage, watching the ground carefully. Sherlock Holmes and Watson enter from the opposite side. Sherlock has a magnifying glass, and is also following the road.)

Alice: Follow the yellow brick road… follow the yellow brick road…

(Alice and Sherlock meet in the middle, both of them slowly looking up from each other’s feet until they’re face to face)

Alice: Goodness! I do beg your pardon!

Watson: I don’t think she saw you, Holmes, old man.

Sherlock: Yes, yes, elementary my dear Watson. Elementary. (to Alice) What are you doing out here in the jungle, child? There are dangerous beasts out here. This is no place for a young girl such as yourself.

Alice: Oh, yes sir, I know! But I have to find my way home. I’m told the only way to do that is to follow this yellow brick road to the wizard, and ask him for help.

Watson: (laughing) But, my dear, you’ve found him! Holmes here is the wizard!

Alice: Really???

Sherlock: Yes, child, it’s true. I am a bit of a wizard, if I do say so myself. Sherlock Holmes, at your service! (he bows slightly)

Alice: Then you can help me! How do I get home?

Sherlock: To find the answer to that question, we’ll have to start at the beginning. How did you get here in the first place?

Alice: Well, I was sitting under a tree, listening as my sister read to me. I closed my eyes for a moment, and then next thing I knew, a young man was stealing my pocket watch! I chased him into the jungle –

Sherlock: One moment, one moment. You say you closed your eyes?

Alice: Yes, sir, but I woke up when I felt the boy take my watch.

Sherlock: And you chased him into the jungle?

Alice: (slowly) Yes… it was the strangest thing… I never knew there was a jungle in London!

(Sherlock and Watson laugh)

Watson: My dear, there are no jungles in London. Indeed, there are no jungles in England at all!

Sherlock: I think the solution to this mystery is clear. You, my dear, are asleep.

Alice: No, that can’t be right, I’m awake! I’m talking to you right now!

Watson: You’re just dreaming that you’re talking to us, child.

Sherlock: It’s elementary, my dear.

Alice: (thinking it over) So, to get home, all I have to do is…

Sherlock and Watson: (together) WAKE UP!!!

(blackout)

Scene 4

Sister: Wake up, Alice! Wake up!

(The lights come up, and the scene is back to its original state. Alice is laying back against her tree. Sister is leaning over her, shaking her gently)

Sister: Alice, dear! Wake up!

Alice: (opening her eyes) Hmm? Oh! I’m home! I’m back!

Sister: My dear, you never left. You just fell asleep.

Alice: That’s right! That’s what Sherlock Holmes told me!

Sister: Sherlock Holmes?

Alice: And Watson! They told me I had been dreaming all along. And they were right!

Sister: I suppose they were. So… you were dreaming about Sherlock Holmes?

Alice: Not just him, I dreamed about all sorts of people! There was this boy, running through the jungle, trying to escape from a huge tiger named Shere Khan! And there were two pickpocket boys, who stole my pocket watch! They also picked the pockets of three nasty pirates who thought that I’d stolen their treasure. But then Robin Hood came and made the boys give me my watch back. He seemed nice enough, but he had to leave because this girl thought he was her true love, Romeo. Then these little people told me to follow the yellow brick road to the wizard, and he’d help me get home. That’s where I met Sherlock Holmes and Watson. And they did help me get home! And I’m so glad! (she throws her arms around Sister, giving her a big hug)

Sister: (laughing) And here you said you didn’t like literature!

Alice: What do you mean?

Sister: My dear, all those people you dreamed about are characters from the books I’ve been reading to you.

Alice: Really???

Sister: Really. Now, what do you say we head home for some tea?

Alice: (grabbing a book) Maybe in a little while. I’ve got some reading I’d like to do, first.

(Alice opens the book, settles back and begins reading. Sister smiles, sits next to her, and opens a book of her own. Blackout)

The End

It's Good to Have Priorities...

Did anyone else watch the Oscars? I Tivoed it so I could skip past the commercials and the acceptance speeches. I did listen to one speech, though, because I had heard that it was an interesting one. Sure enough, it was telling.

Sean Penn won the Best Actor award for his portrayal of a gay rights activist in the movie Milk. I'm not surprised by this. He's a good actor, and Hollywood is a sucker for liberal political agenda stories. The surprise came when he gave his speech.

After thanking a bunch of people who worked on the movie with him, he make a little speech about how the people who supported Prop. 8 in California need to re-think things, lest they shame themselves and their grandchildren. This speech didn't come as any sort of shock, especially considering the role he had just won the Oscar for. I can see that he feels strongly about this issue, and he made it very clear that anyone who believes differently is a hate-mongering moron.

The ironic thing was this - he spent a good 30 seconds or so touting his political ideals, but didn't take even one second to thank his wife. Every other married person who won an Oscar thanked their significant other.

The camera kept cutting back to a joyful and teary-eyed Robin Wright Penn, watching her husband give his speech. Clearly, the camera people were waiting for him to mention her, too. But it never came. I suppose slamming on the people opposed to gay marriage is more important than acknowledging the woman who has been by his side for almost 13 years.

Good to know he's got his priorities straight.

Clarence and the Beast-That-Wasn't-Really, Part 3

We last left our "heroes" as they were preparing for their journey to the (kind of) Beast's castle. As we rejoin them, they have finished their trip and are standing outside the gate, waiting...

"Huh." snorted Clarence. "It's not much to look at, is it?"

Marvin gritted his teeth. "It's a castle, Clarence. Royalty lives there. You're going to be a queen. Isn't that enough?"

"Clearly, I'm going to have to make a few changes around here. The whole place looks dark, dingy, and dirty. Someone is going to have to clean it. And what's with all the fish? Disgusting creatures. The second I become queen, we're going to tear this place down and start from scratch. I deserve better than this!" Clarence tossed her dark hair over her shoulder, and sighed impatiently. "Where is the servant? We've been standing here for hours!"

"It's only been ten minutes." Marvin informed her.

"Well, it feels like hours to me! I shouldn't be kept waiting, anyway. I am going to be the queen, after all!"

Marvin rolled his eyes - but discreetly, so Clarence couldn't see. No sense making their last moments together any worse than they already were.

Clarence squinted toward the castle. "What on earth is that thing coming towards us? It looks like an enormous dandelion..."

"Ah." Marvin smiled. "That would be the servant coming to open the gate. There's no need for me to stick around now, I suppose. I'll just be going, then!"

Marvin bolted away, at an impressive speed for a man of his age and pudginess. He giggled gleefully to himself as he ran. "At last! She's gone! Not my problem anymore! Huzzah!"

He was still laughing when he ran full-on into a tree.

"Oof!" Marvin grunted. Winded, he lay on his back, staring up at the tree branches. A smile crept slowly across his face. "I'm free! I'm free!"

"I say!" said the tree, concerned. "Are you all right?"

Marvin grinned, not even concerned that he was having a conversation with a plant. "Honestly? I've never felt better!"

Gingerly, but still smiling, he got to his feet and began the long journey home.

**********

Well, that was rude! thought Clarence, watching the spot where her father had disappeared into the forest. You'd think he was eager to be rid of me, or something. I didn't even know he could move that fast...

Sighing, Clarence turned her attention to the servant coming towards her. He was almost to the gate. It's about time! she thought impatiently.

Suddenly a sense of dread washed over her. For the first time in her life, Clarence was uncertain. What if this Beast was intending to devour her? Or worse - what if he didn't want her at all?

Clarence shook her head. Nonsense. Any man would be lucky to have her for his wife. Clarence pushed aside her feelings of doubt and insecurity, burying them deep beneath her huge ego.

"You there!" she called to the servant. "Hurry up! At the rate you're moving, by the time you get here I'll be old and decrepit, like you!"

Clarence squared her shoulders, raised her chin, and prepared to meet her future.

**********

The first thing Clarence noticed was that the ocean theme was, apparently, not reserved to the outdoors. The interior of the castle was huge and magnificent, but fish still reigned supreme. A golden fountain in the shape of a carp, spitting water into the air, dominated most of the front hall. The golden chandelier over her head appeared to have little glass seahorses dangling from it. The wooden banisters were carved into the shape of entwined eels. The silk wallpaper appeared, at first, to be a simple blue and green, but when Clarence looked closely, she saw that there were tiny fish embroidered all over it, as well. Even the rooms were labeled with aquatic names: "Lionfish Library"; "Devil Ray Dining Room"; "Carp Conservatory"; "Bass Bathroom"... it went on and on.

Clarence rolled her eyes. She was definitely going to have to give this castle a makeover.

The servant cleared his throat. "May I show you to your rooms, my lady?"

"I think you'd better. Otherwise I'm going to go mad from looking at all these stupid fish!"

The old man looked shocked. "Madam, I'm going to have to ask that you be more respectful of the master's castle!"

Clarence snorted. "I don't see why. This place is atrocious! The Beast clearly had no taste."

The elderly servant shook his head slowly. "I think we should, perhaps, skip going to your room, and go straight to the dining room. The master will meet you there. Maybe once you're better acquainted with him, you'll have a little more respect for his belongings."

"I doubt that." Clarence laughed, crossing the hall to the dining room.

She opened the door and peered into the room. It was dark inside. A few lighted candles flicked shadows across the table, lessening the gloom slightly. An enormous aquarium lined one wall, adding its own eerie light to the room. Menacing shadows climbed the walls, and the corners of the room were completely black.

Clarence shuddered, her courage momentarily derailed, as she examined the dining room. Who knew what corner the Beast might be lurking in?

The servant reached over her shoulder and flicked on the light switch. The room was instantly bathed in light.

"Right." said Clarence, trying to hide her embarrassment. "I was just about to do that."

"Make yourself comfortable." the servant said. "I'll be back momentarily."

Clarence eased into the room, looking for the Beast. She didn't see anyone, so she settled into a chair to wait for his arrival.

Movement within the gigantic aquarium caught her eye. An enormous goldfish was swimming inside. It was bigger than Clarence. It peered at her with one wide, cold eye as it swam past.

Clarence shuddered. This fish thing is out of control, she thought. The second I say "I do", things are going to change. And that monstrosity will be the first thing to go!

"Disgusting creature!" she shot at the fish, turning her back on it.

"I was thinking the same thing."

Clarence spun around. The room was empty, but she could have sworn she heard a deep, rich voice insult her.

"Those skinny twig legs, that stringy hair... You're absolutely repulsive!"

Clarence was still bewildered, but now she was furious as well. "Brave words, coming from someone who doesn't even have the guts to say these things to my face!"

Laughter echoed through the room. "You are thick, aren't you? I'm right in front of your eyes, moron!"

Shaking with fury, Clarence scanned the room again. There was nothing there, nothing! Only chairs, candles, that stupid aquarium-

She froze. Slowly, her eyes locked on the gargantuan goldfish. Its eye was focused directly on her, as if judging her.

"NO!" shrieked Clarence. "YOU??? YOU'RE the Beast???"

"Not really" the fish replied. "The term 'beast' suggests something much hairier."

"I can't marry you! I won't! I refuse!" Clarence screamed.

"Frankly, my dear," the fish rolled its eye, "I don't give a dam. Honestly, I'd rather not marry you, either. But rules are rules, after all. There's a precedent for these things, or so I'm told. And I've already paid for you, so I suggest you shut up and deal with it."

Clarence stared, open-mouthed, at the fish. No one had ever before dared to speak to her like this. Who does he think he is? Clarence thought, furiously. He's just a stupid fish! Then something clicked in her head. This fish wasn't JUST a fish. He was a prince, under an enchantment! If she agreed to marry him...

"All right," said Clarence, "I'll do it. I'll marry you. Let's do it right now, in fact." No sense wasting time, she thought. The sooner he's a prince again, the better.

"Fine." the fish replied. "I'll call in the wizard. He'll take care of things, and then we can have the wedding."

Moments later, the old servant appeared, this time wearing a pointed cap over his fluffy hair. He brandished a crooked wand. "Are we ready, then?" he asked.

"Yes." answered the Beast (who-wasn't-really). "Go ahead and turn her into a fish."

Clarence jerked. "What???" she screeched. "No! I'm not turning into a stinky, disgusting fish! Turn him into a prince!"

The goldfish looked alarmed (granted, it's hard to tell when a fish is alarmed. You kind of have to know what to look for). "I don't want to be human again! Getting turned into a fish was the best thing that's ever happened to me! You have to become a fish!"

"NO!" Clarence snarled. "I refuse to spend the rest of my life as something that people consider tasty! I came here to be a queen, and I am going to be a queen, and you are going to have to become a human!!!"

"Look, sister!" the goldfish snarled back. "This is my castle, it's my throne, we're going to do things my way!"

"You're clearly delusional." Clarence scoffed. "Let me give you a hint - I am always right! You're going to do things my way, and you're going to LIKE IT, or I'll turn you into fish sticks!"

The arguing continued. The poor wizard tried to keep up, his wand at the ready for when the decision came. Finally, though, he realized that there might never be an end to this argument, so he just did what he thought was best. He crossed his fingers, closed his eyes, and waved his wand.

BANG!

The room was filled with smoke. Coughing, the wizard waved his arms, trying to clear the air. He squinted his eyes, trying to see what he'd done to the bickering couple.

Clarence was gone. All that was left where she had been standing was a pile of clothes. The wizard sighed. That wasn't what he'd hoped for at all (at least, not consciously).

He looked next toward the aquarium, to see what had become of his master.

Where the Beast (but not really) had been, there were two creatures. One had broad shoulders, a strong chest and arms, golden hair, and wide blue eyes. The other had raven hair, dark eyes, and looked just like Clarence! It was her! Apparently he hadn't killed her, after all! But wait...

Where their legs should have been, they had shimmering, scaly fish tails.

The wizard blinked his eyes furiously, trying to clear them. Was he seeing this right? He had turned them into creatures that were half human, half fish!

Well, thought the wizard, I suppose that's one way to solve the problem.

**********

The wizard drove the Prince and Clarence to the seashore, where he lowered them into the water. The couple had decided that they were actually perfect for one another, and that since they were now both designed for life underwater, they may as well claim the sea as their kingdom. They left the castle, and all of its fish decor, to the wizard.

Clarence and her prince lived many years in the ocean, and populated it with multitudes of mer-people (as they called themselves). They ruled over their kingdom joyfully, squabbling and fighting constantly, until one fateful day, when the Prince and Clarence were having a particularly colorful argument. Their shouts and insults woke up a great white shark, who had been dozing comfortably after a long night of swimming and chewing things. Cranky that his slumber had been interrupted, he decided to chew on them.

With Clarence and the Prince finally gone, the rest of the merpeople lived happily, and peacefully, ever after.

The End

The One Where Cassie Needs A Better Mic

Ben and I made a CD over Christmas to give to family members as a cheap gift. It turned out pretty good, and I actually listen to it pretty regularly because I like the songs, but I've always been kind of disappointed with it. Today, I realized why.

I started recording some new songs today. All was going well, but I was having the same problem that I did last time - the songs sound flat, and uni-dimensional. Songs should be full of emotion, of layers, of inflection and levels. But our songs all seem to be lacking. Today, I was singing my best, but discovered that I had to kind of sing all at one volume level in order for the mic to pick it up. Looking back, I realized that the same thing had happened with the last CD. Whenever I tried to sing softly, it didn't pick up properly, and if I reset the mic in order to catch that soft stuff, the louder parts were annoyingly loud. Ergo - it was all one level.

Now it seems like a huge "duh" that I've been mildly unhappy with our CD. It's not that we're bad singers, it's never really been about that. I've just always felt like our performances on the CD were soulless. We were trying, and we did succeed to a mild extent, but overall for two people who do musical theater, it was dull.

Now that I know why that is, I think that getting a new mic would help a lot. The one we have now is part of a headset. If I take the mic off and put it on the counter or hold it in my hand, I won't be able to hear the music. It's coming in through the headphones, which are attached to the mic. Not to mention that I'd probably end up with an echo of the music that way. So I have to wear the headset. Because of that, though, the mic is right by my mouth, and I sound loud, even on quiet songs. And half the time you get breath sounds that come across really loudly in the recording. If I move the mic away from my mouth, it's not sensitive enough to pick up the singing.

I think if I could get a hand-held mic, the quality of the recordings would improve by leaps and bounds. They're designed to pick up more sensitive noises, so I would be able to put all sorts of levels in my singing. The acoustics in the room would be more beneficial at that point as well. Instead of sounding like I'm singing right in your ear, I'd sound like I was actually performing - which is what I want.

The problem is that hand-held mics are expensive. We can maybe find a second-hand one for a reasonable price, but I worry that an old, used mic wouldn't work well. We're still looking into it. We'll just have to see what happens. I'm not sure that I'll be recording any more songs until we get one, though. They're really kind of a disappointment as it is. But if we can't get a good mic, at least now I know why I don't like the recordings. Mystery solved!

Daniel vs. the Skandar

I watched The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe today. I haven't done that in awhile, and it was great. I'd forgotten how much I love that movie. My family watched it together for family home evening, and tried to explain to Evie about all the symbolism in it.

I especially love the symbolism concerning Aslan and him sacrificing his life on Edmund's behalf. The way its portrayed in the movie is especially poignant for me. Edmund makes one small mistake after another. He has one lapse in judgment after another. He makes bad choices, one after another. He's never intentionally malicious, he's never evil, but he ends up in the witch's clutches all the same. It takes Aslan's sacrifice to save him, to make him clean.

This is so true to life. While yes, there are a few people out there in the world who could be considered "evil", most of us are merely human. Just like Edmund. We're basically good people, but even the best people make mistakes. If we didn't have a Savior to pay for our sins, we would be trapped just as surely as Edmund was. The movie makes this point without being heavy-handed or obvious. It hits very close to home, and rings very true.

This movie moves me to tears for this reason, but also for another. The actor who plays Edmund, Skandar Keynes, looks a LOT like my little brother, Daniel. So watching what he goes through, and watching Aslan, the "savior" character, die for him... it gets me every time. It makes it all more personal for me.

I absolutely adore Edmund. Growing up, reading the books, I didn't feel that strongly about him one way or the other. But now, because the actor looks like my baby brother, I love him. Edmund has become, by far, my favorite character.

This feeling was only strengthened by Prince Caspian where, to my delight, Edmund seemed even more like my brother. His mannerisms and body language as well as his face, reminded me of Daniel. Every funny line he had was that much funnier. And whenever he did something brave I felt weirdly proud of him.

See for yourself:


Daniel's a little hairier, a little tanner, and has a bigger, more rounded nose. Skandar has a better picture for one thing, it being professional and all, but he also looks younger, paler, and has a more pointed nose. They may not be twins, but I think they could definitely be brothers. And with their similar mannerisms, the resemblance is enhanced. That's my opinion, at least.

So now I know that every time I watch The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe I'll find myself exceptionally grateful all over again for Christ's sacrifice. I'm so grateful that He died to save me, as well as my super-awesome, adorable little brother. And I'm personally very glad they picked this actor, specifically, to play Edmund.

Tidbits

So here are a couple of things that I wanted to write down, before I forgot.

Tidbit #1:

Earlier today, Evie was telling me about the Lion King. Apparently it's about "Simbaa and Uncle Scarf."

:D Heehee.

Tidbit #2:

I've noticed that people here are really good drivers. They go the speed limit, they rarely honk, I've never seen anyone flip anyone else off. They use their turn signals, they're courteous, and they're always willing to let the other person go first. It's insane! I love it!

I always wanted to go the speed limit in Utah, because I felt guilty whenever we had a lesson in church about obeying the law of the land. I must have been the only one feeling guilty, however, because you pretty much NEVER see anyone going the speed limit in Utah. Every so often you get someone going under the speed limit, but most are going about 10 mph over and no one is going exactly the speed limit.

Now, in my mind, this seems ironic. We members of the LDS church take pride in living our beliefs every day of our lives. I don't mean "pride" in a bad way, at least not for most of us, but it is something we really try to do. But Utah drivers - most of them, as I said, Mormons - are terrible! They speed, they change lanes without signaling, they cut you off when merging, they run red lights... they're horrible! This is the state that has more Mormons than any other state, and the drivers there are awful. I know it's worse in places where there's more traffic, like big cities and states like New York and California, but with the traffic jams there it's no wonder. But in Utah, even when the traffic is totally clear, people are booking it like they're fleeing from the cops. You'd think that all those "obey the law of the land" lessons would have hit home with more people.

I'm not saying that the people in Oklahoma are all heathens and therefore should be the crazy, bad drivers. That's not the case. The people here are decent, honest, hard-working Christians. Oklahoma is apparently "the buckle" of the Bible belt, or so they say. I'm not shocked that they, specifically are good drivers. I just have never lived anywhere with such good drivers, and I didn't believe that they really existed. I guess I'm more prideful about my church than I should be.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is, it's nice to be able to drive the speed limit without getting honked at and cut off. :)

Tidbit #3:

Ben got me a gift certificate for a massage for Christmas. There's only one masseuse at the fitness center on base, and her schedule has been hectic, so I wasn't able to get the massage until today.

I'd never had one before, but I have a couple of friends whose husbands surprised them with massages as gifts. One, Laura, was just told that they were going out. Robert took her to the massage place, and waited while she got her massage. It was a great surprise, and she said she really enjoyed it. My other friend, Heather, got a massage as a gift from her husband while she was pregnant. This sounds incredible. I remember what it was like being pregnant, and I have to say, major props to PJ for doing that for Heather. I've already decided that when I'm in my third trimester (next time I'm pregnant), I'm getting one. Maybe more.

Anyway, I have friends who've gotten massaged and loved it. So I was really excited. Nervous, too, but excited.

IT WAS AMAZING!

I wish I could afford to have one regularly. The pricing isn't bad - $45 for an hour - but it's more than we can afford on a regular basis. I was so relaxed. Even after I'd gotten up, gotten dressed, got in the car, and was driving home, I was barely functional (but in a good way). Total relaxation. And it wasn't weird or anything, I was fully covered by the sheet most of the time, and she didn't go near any areas that would make me nervous. She did my shoulders and back, arms and legs, neck, face, and scalp. AMAZING.

I don't know how many of you have had a professional massage, but I highly recommend it. As Dr. Seuss so aptly put it, "If you never have, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good!"

Tidbit #4:

Tornados. What the heck are THEY all about?

I can understand earthquakes being scary. And they make sense. Plates in the earth shift, and things shake. Logical.

Hurricanes are scary, too. They're really big storms with bad winds and heavy rains. Since they generally happen around the ocean, water levels rise. Lots of damage occurs. This, too, makes sense.

Mudslides, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, floods.... all of these are scary, and all of them are scary for good reason.

Tornados don't fit.

I think part of my problem is that I've never (in my memory, anyway) lived around tornados. I did as a baby, I guess, my Dad said something about me sleeping the the bathtub, but I have no recollection of this. Now that we're in Oklahoma, and tornados are the big thing, I'm starting to get nervous about them. Tornadoes killed 8 people in this state just last week. So I'm scared.

At the same time, though, I find them to be kind of silly.

I was discussing this with my younger brother today, actually. I've been having nightmares about tornadoes lately, but when I wake up I feel a little silly. I have a hard time taking tornadoes seriously, because the very idea of them strikes me as bizarre.

As I said to Daniel, "Spinning funnels of wind? Seriously? It seems ridiculous that they have the power to kill you. Something that odd should tickle or something."

It probably doesn't help that every time I picture a tornado, the scene with the Titans from "Hercules" springs to mind. "Guys? Olympus would be that way..."

See? Ridiculous!

Murphy's Law suggests that my derogatory view of tornadoes will soon be remedied by a tornado house call. I hope Evie will be safe, sleeping in the bathtub.

Clarence and the Beast-That-Wasn't-Really, Part 2

When we left our characters last, Marvin had just found the perfect way to make his lovely eldest daughter someone else's problem. All he had to do was find an enchanted prince in need of a maiden, and sell her off...

Marvin sighed as he trudged forlornly through the forest. He'd been to twenty-three enchanted castles, and had yet to find some gullible sap willing to take Clarence off his hands.

He didn't understand why things weren't going better. Marvin had thought out this plan extremely well. He was wearing his best shirt, his most flattering boots, and his "trust me" smile. Aside from all that, he also had a foolproof sales pitch. Or so he'd thought.

It went a little something like this:

"Greetings, my good sir or madam! I see that you are living in an enchanted castle. Does your master happen to be a beast, monster, politician, or other such unpleasant kind of being, living under a curse? No doubt you've noticed that he's not the only one in town, either! With all the kings and princes in need of a good spell-breaking these days, fair maidens are in high demand! I'd wager you sometimes think that there just aren't enough girls to go around. Well, I am here to solve all those pesky curse-cracking problems!

"How do I plan to do that, you might ask? I'll tell you! I happen to be the lucky father of three beautiful girls. The oldest is at a point in her life where she's ready for her own adventure, something which I fully support. I'd be more than happy to give you this daughter! All you need to do is allow me to steal away a rose, apple, magic acorn, or forest animal of some sort - preferably one that your master holds dear. Then, to appease his outrage, I will offer my daughter in exchange. She and your master will then be free to fall in love and break the curse. Barring that, he's also welcome to eat her.

"But you must act quickly! This is a limited-time offer! Act now, and I'll throw in this lovely set of ginseng knives for absolutely FREE!"

Marvin would then proceed to smile his best "trust me" smile, and inquire when he should bring Clarence over. But the answer was always the same - "we're not interested," or "we already have a princess," or "the master actually prefers life as a newt."

Marvin scowled. He was running out of castles to solicit. What if he couldn't find someone to take Clarence...? No! The idea was unbearable. He would find someone to take her. He must!

Sighing, Marvin continued his trek through the woods. According to his GPS, there should be another castle coming up on the right. Maybe he'd finally get lucky.

**********

Okay, thought Marvin. Here goes nothing...

He knocked on the huge iron gate. The sound echoed through the courtyard. He listened and watched intently as the sound was carried to the castle in the distance. Was the door opening? Was that a servant coming towards him? Or was it just a lifelike statue?

Marvin squinted. It was definitely a servant, but he wasn't moving much faster than a statue would. Marvin decided to sit down while he waited. It looked like this could take a while.

As he rested, he examined the gate in front of him. It was beautiful, with graceful lines and delicate pictures etched on it. Looking closer, Marvin saw that they were all of underwater scenes. Fish, squid, whales - there wasn't a picture on the entire gate that didn't include one sort of sea creature or another.

Marvin decided that whoever lived in this castle must have an unhealthy obsession with fish. But he didn't mind. They could be obsessed with wrestling midgets for all he cared, as long as they took Clarence off his hands.

The servant was getting closer. Marvin could see now that it was a wizened old man coming toward him. That explains why he's moving so slowly, Marvin thought as he watched the old man totter closer.

The man had so many wrinkles, he put raisins to shame. He had a long, pointed nose, on the end of which rested a pair of battered spectacles. He didn't appear to have any teeth, but also didn't appear to mind this, as he seemed to really enjoy smacking his gums together loudly. In fact, Marvin could hear him more clearly than he could see him. At his distance the servant looked a little bit like a dandelion, too, thanks to his thin frame and his full white hair that stood up in a fluffy halo around his head.

Finally the servant reached the gate. He paused, leaning heavily on the iron and wheezing loudly.

"Just... one minute... catch... breath..." he gasped.

"Of course, of course!" Marvin replied, eyeing the old man closely. The servant seemed like a nice enough man, but Marvin didn't relish the idea of performing mouth to mouth on those toothless gums.

After a moment, the servant straightened up. "Right-o" he said, his blue eyes piercing Marvin's brown ones. "What do you want?"

"Yes!" Marvin said. "Right! Well..." and he launched into his rehearsed speech.

By the time he had finished, the old man was looking thoughtful. "Well," said the servant, "He's not a beast, exactly..."

"That's okay! That's okay! I'm not that picky!" Marvin was so excited he was almost shouting.

The servant squinted at Marvin. "What was it that you said you wanted in return for this daughter of yours?"

"Just a -" Marvin began, but then the gears in his head (the greedy ones) began to turn. "- a sack of gold. After all, my daughter is quite beautiful. Can't just part with her for nothing, not with her being my favorite child and all." He widened his smile, trying to look trustworthy and convincing.

The servant began to shake his wizened head. "Don't have any sacks of gold."

Marvin's smile faltered. "Okay... I'd be willing to accept gold bricks."

"Don't have none of those, neither."

Marvin was beginning to get desperate. "How about gold jewelry? Gold plates? Gold teeth?"

The old man's head was still shaking vigorously. "None of that. In fact, I don't think we have any gold in the castle."

Sadly, Marvin nodded. Back to vegetation and woodland creatures, then.

"Wait..." the servant paused. "We do have a gold-"

"Yes yes yes!" Marvin shouted. "That'll do fine! It's a deal!"

The servant looked startled at this reaction, but nodded. "All right. I'll just go fetch it then, shall I? Be back in a jiff!"

Marvin watched as the ancient servant began making his way back to the castle. His mind was filled with visions of gleaming, gorgeous gold. Maybe the servant was fetching a golden crown! Or a golden bowl! Or a pair of fabulous golden cowboy boots!

He was still daydreaming when the servant returned an hour later. The servant smacked his gums loudly, startling Marvin out of his reverie. Marvin sprang to his feet.

The servant was holding something behind his back. Marvin craned his head, unsuccessfully trying to sneak a peek.

"Pick a hand!" said the servant gleefully.

"Left" Marvin guessed.

It was glittery. It was sparkly. It was golden. It was...

...a goldfish.

Marvin smiled weakly. "Thanks" he gulped.

**********

He heard the commotion long before he saw the house.

Weary from his long journey, Marvin had filled his mind with thoughts of a long, peaceful rest by the fire in his favorite chair at home. Honey would rub his feet, while Cherry made him a cup of hot cocoa. If he was lucky, Clarence would be out tormenting the neighbors.

Clearly, he would not be so fortunate.

He burst angrily through the front door of the house. "WHAT," he yelled, "IS GOING ON HERE?!"

The occupants of the house froze in shock. Honey was in the corner, hiding behind Marvin's favorite chair and staring at him, wide-eyed. Her eyes were all red, and she looked like she'd been crying. Pieces of destroyed furniture littered the floor all around her, like they had been flung in her direction.

Cherry had frozen with her right arm raised, wielding a frying pan that looked like it was aimed at Clarence's head. She, too, was staring open-mouthed at her father. Guiltily, she slowly lowered the pan and hid it behind her back.

Clarence was clutching a broken table leg. Her head was bent at a strange angle, and Marvin realized that the family dog, Marvin Jr., was tangled in her long hair. The dog whimpered feebly, unable to escape the raven locks.

They all stood there in shock, staring at one another, until Clarence broke the silence. "Well?" she asked, straightening up haughtily. "What do you want?"

Marvin's anger was suddenly mingled with bewilderment. "What do you mean, what do I want? I live here! I've been gone for weeks! I finally come home, and I'm greeted with this! My house is destroyed, my youngest child is in tears, the two older ones are going at each other like they're on American Gladiators, and my dog appears to be strangling to death in your hair! What I want is an EXPLANATION!"

Honey and Cherry began talking very quickly, and at the same time.

"Marvin Jr. was chasing squirrels - "

"My cornbread was cooking over the fire - "

"- she kicked him - "

"- it was ruined - "

"- broke the table - "

"- just a small fire, I put it out - "

"- tried to run away - "

"- she started throwing things - "

" - caught in her hair - "

"- I grabbed the frying pan - "

"- she threw the vase - "

" - trying to protect Honey - "

" - she broke off a leg of the table - "

"STOP!" Marvin roared. "I! HAVE! HAD! ENOUGH!!!!"

He stomped over to Clarence. "You," he hissed, pointing a finger in her face. "You're done."

Clarence laughed and tossed her head, sending Marvin Jr. flying into a wall. "I'm not afraid of you, old man. What are you going to do to me?"

Calmly, Marvin told her. "I've sold you to a beast. Sort of. Not really a beast. But something. Enchanted. A prince, I assume." He shook his head, trying to organize his thoughts. "At any rate, you're not staying here any more. They're expecting you at the castle by the end of the week."

Narrowing her eyes, Clarence asked, "Why should I leave? This is my house. I'm comfortable here. Everyone in town is scared of me, and that's just how I like it. If I go off to this castle, I'll have to start all over again, making sure people do whatever I ask. That's what a good, healthy fear does, you know. It makes people respect you."

Marvin rolled his eyes. "No one respects you, Clarence. Fear and respect are not the same thing. Anyway, you're going to a castle. To be a princess. Everyone will wait on you hand and foot, whether they're scared of you or not."

"That's true..." Clarence tapped a finger on her full lips thoughtfully. "Is he rich?"

"Uh..." Marvin guiltily hid the goldfish behind his back. "...sure!"

Clarence rolled her eyes and sighed. "I suppose I may as well go, then. Better than hanging out here with you losers."

"Yeah, that will be better." Cherry muttered to Honey, over in the corner. "If we're lucky, he'll eat her."

Honey smiled slightly. "That would be nice."

"It's settled then." Marvin sighed wearily, and went to sink into his favorite chair.

"When are we leaving?" asked Clarence.

The chair collapsed underneath Marvin, battered and weakened from the girls' fight. He gritted his teeth and stood up, brushing the debris off of his clothes.

"We're leaving as soon as possible," he muttered.

Serials - Clarence and the Beast-That-Wasn't-Really

Ben suggested that I start writing stories on here in a serial format. I had been telling him about how much I used to love writing back when I was in school, and how I wished I could write stories now. But who has the time - especially with a toddler in the house? So his idea sounded like a good one. If I just write a chunk at a time, I can do it whenever I have free time (and am in the mood) and eventually it will all be out on paper (so to speak). I can even just start writing with a general idea in mind, without a whole storyline already in place, and see where it takes me. It might be kind of fun!

Since it's been a long time since I really did any creative writing, I thought I'd start with an old classic that I did for creative writing classes in both high school and college. I don't have a copy of it anymore, and I really liked the story, so it would be nice to have. Also, when I re-wrote it from memory in college, the story got funnier and better-written. So with any luck, that will happen again. On the other hand, last time I wrote it I was in college and my brain was getting regular exercise, which is not the case now. So we'll see. But it should be fun. :)

Clarence and The Beast-That-Wasn't-Really

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, there was a family. They were the kind of family you'd find in any fairy tale. The head of the household was a bumbling but lovable single parent, a poor woodcutter named Marvin. There were three daughters (the traditional number), and they were all fair of face and light of step. Their grace and beauty was the stuff of epic poems, and in fact many suitors had tried to immortalize those gorgeous girls on paper, but none had been successful. This was not so much because their beauty was indescribable as it was because none of the boys in town had higher than a third-grade reading level.

The youngest daughter had golden hair, the precise color of wheat in the sunrise. Its luster shone even in the darkness. Her eyes were wide, thick-lashed, and as blue as a clear sky. Her dainty figure made men bump into posts, trip over their own feet, and fall off their horses. She was kind-hearted, sweet-tempered, and just a little bit dumb. Her name was Honey.

The middle child was an ethereally beautiful redhead. Not a single freckle marred this carrot-top, however. Her skin was creamy and clear, the kind you generally see in face wash commercials. Her large eyes were a shocking green, and had been compared to everything from emeralds to jungle vegetation to freshly-pickled frogs. Her figure made the boys blush. She was as kind and good as her younger sister, but often had a fiery temper in the face of injustices. Her name was Cherry.

The oldest daughter was so fair she put her two younger sisters to shame. Her raven hair was thick and glossy, and hung well past her waist. Her dark eyes were huge, mysterious, and more than a little dangerous to look into. Men not only blushed when she walked past, they sometimes burst into tears.

On the other hand, some of their sobbing may have been due to the fact that this eldest child was a holy terror. She was cruel to those weaker than her, and spiteful to those she felt intimidated by. She often stole trinkets from people she passed on the street, just for fun. She went out of her way to kick dogs. Once she yelled at a shop-keeper for a full 12 hours (he eventually had a nervous breakdown and was forced to sell his store and retire to Barbados, where he lives to this day, trying to regain his health and sanity). When she walked through the town, men hid in the bushes and women pulled their terrified children out of sight.

This daughter's name was Clarence.

Marvin was very proud of his two younger daughters. They cared for the sick and elderly, they bandaged the dogs that Clarence kicked, and they were delightful company for their aging father.

Marvin developed a nervous twitch whenever he thought about Clarence, however. She was beautiful, true, but what man would want such a wretched woman for his wife? Unless he could find a husband for her (maybe a deaf man with a high pain threshold?), Marvin would be stuck with Clarence until the day he died... The idea made him think that death might be a nice vacation, actually.

Clearly, something had to be done. But what? Filicide (the act of killing one's own child) was generally frowned on. Besides, Clarence could take him in a fight. He'd already tried to disinherit her, but she'd just laughed and poked him in the eye. Marvin had even bribed a headhunter to kidnap Clarence, but when Marvin discovered the headhunter the next morning with his head stuffed down the hole in the privvy out back, he'd had to give up on that idea as well.

It seemed that Marvin would be stuck with his eldest daughter forever.

**********

"...and he turned into a handsome prince! She apparently broke some sort of spell, and now they're married and ruling a kingdom together!" said Maurice, Marvin's good friend from the next town over. "I thought that I'd lost my daughter forever when I stole that rose, but now she's married and happy and living as a queen in a castle! Can you believe it?"

Marvin nodded his head, unsurprised. The countryside was teeming with magic. Common-looking animals shifted their shapes all the time. Fairies would steal food from the kitchen on a regular basis. You had to double check the privvy for goblins before you used it (they had a strange sense of humor, and rather enjoyed pinching). It really wasn't surprising what had happened with Maurice's daughter. You couldn't swing a cat without hitting an enchanted castle...

An idea came to Marvin. It was a beautiful, awful idea. But if it worked, it would solve all of Marvin's problems.

"You say you stumbled across this enchanted castle while you were lost in the woods?" Marvin questioned. "You were out walking, and got lost, and this castle just appeared out of nowhere?"

"Yes, that's right" Maurice replied.

"And you stole a rose, and were forced to give your daughter to this, this, Beast thing, right?"

"Yeah..."

"No questions asked? The Beast just took her without even meeting her?" Marvin pressed.

Maurice was bewildered. "It's not like it was a business transaction, he was punishing me for taking his rose!"

Marvin nodded. "Right, right, but even so, he took her right away, without any questions asked?"

"I suppose so..."

"And now they're married and ruling their own kindgom far away?" asked Marvin.

"Yes" answered Maurice. "That's how it works, see. Although they're really not too far away, I visit all the time. You just have to get lost in the woods, and-"

"Far enough, far enough!" boomed Marvin happily. "I only have one more question for you.

"Do you know of any other enchanted castles in need of a princess?"

End of Part One

Pictures

I've been taking pictures of Evie (and a few of Ben) lately just for fun. I really want to get more practice taking really good pictures, but I don't have a lot of opportunities. I just do what I can with what I have. So I took these, and played around with them on Photoshop. I also took some of my old wedding photos (the photographer gave us the copyrights, so it's all good) and played with those as well. Here are some of the ones I really liked.

I like the way she's looking off into the distance in this picture. It's slightly out of focus on the farther side of her face, and I haven't decided if I like that or not. I pulled out the color in this picture to make it look cleaner and sharper, and I DO like that.

I took this one of Ben with the flash on and didn't like it, but when I took it without the flash it came out really dark. So I put it into Photoshop, lightened it up, and pulled the color up a notch in Ben's eye so it really pops. His eyes are beautiful, and I actually really like how this came out.

Evie's got such a sweet melancholy look on her face in this one, so I took out most of the color to emphasize that. The whole thing looks sad and sweet now.

This one makes me laugh. I love the look on her face - it's so mature and grown-up for a two year old! - and I actually like the necklace she put in her hair, too. It's actually a very cute (if strange) look! I intensified the color, and I tried to put even more color into her eyes, but since they're dark like mine it's hard to see any difference.

I toned the color down on this one, too, just because I like the softer look of it. And while I'm not sure what she's doing with her finger in her mouth, I really like the angle of this shot and the way she's looking directly into the camera.

This one I pretty much caught by accident, while she was running through a patch of sunlight coming through our window. It's not perfect, but I really like it anyway. I did clean it up a little bit in Photoshop so it looks more like I set it up this way (there were some weird shadows and stuff before), but it's not too different from how it started.

This is one of the wedding ones I was playing with. I took most of the color out, just leaving it in the grass, the bouquet, and our eyes. My photoshopping may be a little odd, but you can't deny that we had a great photographer! He took so many great pictures for us!

I did the same thing with this one, taking out most of the color but leaving the flowers and bouquet at their normal intensity. I don't know why I like taking the color out so much. I think it just gives it a classier air. And it was a pretty grey, cloudy day when we got married.
But only on the outside. :)

Yes, I know this is completely cheesy. I'm aware of that. I also know that it's not particularly well done. But I enjoyed trying to do it, so I don't care! This is the temple we got married in, on the day we got married. And as you can see, I've superimposed our faces, looking at each other. Hey, this is the building where we were sealed together in a marriage that will last for eternity! Cheesy as this picture is, I think the meaning behind it is sweet. So there!

That's all I feel like posting. There were a couple others that I did of Evie, but these are my favorites. I hope in the future I'll be able to get outside and start really taking more pictures. On the other hand, with Evie in tow that will be hard to do. But we'll see. She does make an excellent subject for my photos, after all.

Facelifts and Faithfulness

First of all, thanks to Kim for unintentionally helping me pimp my blog! I saw the ad on her blog for a place to get backgrounds and stuff, so I went there. I'm really enjoying the new look. And if I get bored, I can always change it! I imagine I'm letting it slip just how inexpert I am when it comes to computer stuff by sharing all of this. The rest of you are probably like "well, duh" but HEY! I DIDN'T KNOW! I had no idea how everyone made their blogs so cool. I'm feeling very proud of myself for figuring it out, so don't rain on my self-satisfied little parade. :)

Second of all, I think I'm getting old. While I was looking over my blog, I had to take a minute and figure out if my "about me" box was still correct, since it states that I'm 26 years old. After a few seconds of contemplation, I realized that yes, I am in fact 26. My next thought was "Heck, I just turned 26!" Then I realized that I'm officially closer to my 27th birthday than to my 26th. That made me feel old. Then I thought about all the time it had taken me to work this information out, and I felt REALLY old. No wrinkles yet, but I'm feeling the heavy weight of the years beginning to bow my back.... or brain.

Okay, maybe not, but I am pretty sure I've seen a gray hair or two. I'd probably have found several, except that I regularly dye my hair, so they have little chance to survive in their natural colorless glory. HA HA! DIE, GRAY HAIRS! DIE! (Or "dye." Get it???)

In other news, I finally did the Moroni challenge - you know, the one at the end of the Book of Mormon that says if you pray with a sincere heart about whether or not the book is true, the Lord will answer your prayers? Yeah, I'd never actually done that before. Growing up in the Church, I've never really had any doubts about the truthfulness of the gospel (and yes, I do realize that I'm lucky for that, and that a lot of people do struggle at some point in their lives). I've always known that the Church is God's true and living church on the earth. I've always known that the Book of Mormon is a factual account of a real people who lived long ago, and that it's another testament of Christ. I've always known that God and Christ are real, separate beings, both of whom love me and answer my prayers. I've always known that our living prophet here on earth communicates directly with God, and that I should listen to and obey his counsel. I've never doubted any of that - and I know there are many who would call me naive and foolish because of that, but I see it as a huge blessing. God says we should have a childlike faith, and that's what I try to have. It doesn't mean that I follow blindly, I still have agency to think and decide for myself (in fact, it's encouraged), I just choose to obey because I believe that God loves me and wants what's best for me. Even if it seems weird or unnecessary or even painful in the short term, I know God wants me to be happy. If I obey, ultimately I'll be the happiest I can possibly be.

Anyway, I've had multiple witnesses of God's power and love in my life, but for some reason I'd never really prayed and asked if the Book of Mormon was true. Since I already knew that it was, it seemed unnecessary. But as I was reading in Moroni the other night, I realized that just because I know doesn't mean I can't receive a confirmation of that knowledge from the Lord. The promise is that anyone who asks sincerely will be answered, not just those who don't already know. So in my prayers that night, I asked. I asked the Lord if the Book of Mormon was true, if it was a real account of real experiences that real people had. By extension, I was asking if Joseph Smith was an actual prophet, one that spoke with the Lord. Also by extension, I was asking if the Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, was God's church. You see, if one is true, they all have to be true. If one is false, they all must be false. So even though I believed wholeheartedly that I already knew the answer, I asked. I put all my faith on the line, and prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true.

The feeling I got was the most clear, beautiful response that I've ever received from the Lord. I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and joy. It seemed like my whole body was filled with light.

Now, don't get me wrong. It wasn't like getting hit over the head with a plank of wood. It didn't smash into me and overpower all my senses. It was subtle, but very very clear. I couldn't mistake it for anything other than an answer from the Lord. All my worries, all my sorrows melted away and were replaced by that sweet feeling of peace. It was like the Lord put His hand on my head, the way I do with Evie, and soothed me with His touch. It was simple, it was subtle, but it was as clear an answer as if an actual voice had whispered in my ear.

The Book of Mormon is true. The Church, Joseph Smith's revelations, the prophets - all of it is true. All of it is real. All of it is of God.

I wish I could tell everyone about it. I wish I had the courage to share my testimony with complete strangers, the way that the missionaries do. I wish I had the strength to be more forward about it with my non-member friends and neighbors.

More than anything, I wish I could sit my sweet brothers down and tell them all of this. Two of my brothers in particular, are two of the people I love the most in the whole world. Their struggles with their faith breaks my heart. I would give anything to be able to bring them back to the Church.

But somehow I can't even do that. Two of my favorite guys, ever, and I can't find it in me to bear my testimony to them. I want to, don't get me wrong, but I'm too scared. I'm afraid that they won't want to talk to me anymore. I'm afraid that they'll feel too pressured by me, and that they'll avoid me. I'm afraid of losing the closeness I have with them. I wonder if I am doing more good by avoiding the subject and trying to be a good example, than I would be doing if I came right out and bore my testimony. But somehow that doesn't seem right.

It's hard. I want so much to be able to share with them, but I don't know how to do it.

I love the Lord. I love the gospel. I love, more than anything, knowing that my marriage won't end with death. My family will be my family forever. My husband and children will always be mine. Even if something bad happens and I lose them, or they lose me, we can rest assured that we'll see one another again. That is the single greatest blessing the Lord has given us. I wish so much that every person in the world could know about it, and be with their families forever as well.

I guess I need to stop being cowardly and selfish. I need to start putting myself out there, and sharing the gospel. I have a testimony, and I've been blessed with a strong but simple faith. It's not fair to keep it to myself. It's my duty to share the good news of the gospel with everyone around me.

Now I just need to figure out how to do that. :)