Random Acts of Kindness

I've already talked about this on Facebook, but it was so nice, I wanted to write about it somewhere a little more permanent.

Yesterday, Evie and I went to Red Robin for dinner. While we were there, I talked to Evie a little bit about her dad coming home from his deployment soon. We talked about other things, too, but I'm guessing that the deployment talk is what led to the next thing that happened.

As we were finishing our dinner, the waitress came up to us with our ticket, and told me, "The people at the table next to yours paid for your meal. They asked me to wait until they were gone to tell you."

I looked over, and sure enough, they were gone.

I can only assume that they overheard me talking to Evie about Ben, and decided to pay for our dinner. It was their way of showing their appreciation for the military and their families.

I was truly touched. I've never had anyone do something like that for me before. And the fact that they had the waitress wait to tell me until after they had left speaks volumes about their character.

They weren't looking for praise. They didn't even want my thanks. They just wanted to do something nice for a military family who have been without a husband/father. I was seriously blown away.

The whole experience has made me think about what random acts of kindness I can perform for other people. It's such a simple thing, to keep your eyes open and be aware of people who might need a little boost. I'm not generally that aware of the needs of people around me, though. So that's something I'd like to work on. I'd like to be the one anonymously performing acts of kindness for other people, to lift their spirits and brighten their day.

I want to pay it forward.

Just imagine! If performing random acts of kindness inspires others to start doing the same, and paying it forward, how quickly the world would become a better place!

I'm not saying we could cure all poverty and injustices and bring about world peace, but the world would certainly become a nicer place in which to live. All it takes is a little observation, and the willingness to act.

I'm grateful for those strangers at Red Robin last night. I'm touched that they recognized our status as a military family and chose to show their support for our troops in such a tangible way. It certainly wasn't necessary - I had the money to pay for the food, of course! - but it was thoughtful and kind. They brightened my day, and made me feel a little better about the military's claim on my husband's time. It's nice to know that our sacrifice is appreciated.

And hopefully I can find opportunities to perform my own random acts of kindness. I didn't get to thank that family last night personally, so I figure this is how I can show my gratitude; by paying it forward!

(I found this illustration online. I don't know who drew it, but I love it! I hope they don't mind me posting it here!)

Ten Years

I'm sure there are multitudes of people writing about September 11th today, and I am absolutely one of them.

It was a day that affected me very personally, since when it happened, I believed that my father was working in the Pentagon. As it turns out, he was actually working at the State Department. So he was totally safe. But I didn't know that, and being across the country at college, I had no way of finding that out until after a full day of worrying, crying, and praying.

I thought that the best way to talk about my experience would be to plagiarize myself. I have an old journal with entries I wrote on the day everything happened, and a year later. I'm going to post those entries here.

"September eleventh, two thousand one... A day that shall go down in infamy...

"I woke up this morning, turned on the radio, and heard that the World Trade Center towers had been destroyed. ...And the Pentagon had been attacked.

"The Pentagon where my father works.

"Four airplanes had been hijacked; one for each of the towers, one for the Pentagon, and one aimed for Pittsburg that crashed 80 miles short of its mark.

"I tried to call my mom, but the phones out that way were all jammed. So, I went to class, wondering all day whether or not my father was alive.

"Both of the towers collapsed. Another building nearby also collapsed. All of the government offices in New York and Washington, D.C. were evacuated.

"I heard nothing from my family until 1:15 pm, when my grandfather called and told me that my dad was okay. I started crying (so did Grandpa). Then my mom called, too. I heard my dad's voice in the background. He had been evacuated, unharmed.

"Still... how many people's fathers are not coming home tonight?

"It's like a second Pearl Harbor. That was my initial thought, and that's what they're saying on the news, too. This is going to throw the US into a war. Looks like signs of the Second Coming.

"Oh, man."

So, that was what I wrote the day that it happened. Obviously, we learned more about the attack later (like how the Pentagon hadn't been the terrorists initial target), but these were my first impressions. I didn't go into many details about my personal experience, though, until a year later.

"Today is September 11th. One year ago, three thousand innocent lives were lost to one big, coordinated terrorist attack.

"My mother and I sat in front of the TV this morning, crying as we watched the special programs live on TV. In New York, they read the names of every victim of that day. Here in D.C., they held a commemorative service in front of the newly-fixed side of the Pentagon, the side that had been destroyed in the attacks.

"Services are being held in other countries, too. In London, they held a two-minute moment of silence across the whole country at the time the first plane hit. Then, they had a special choir sing Mozart's 'Requiem.' It's touching, the way other countries have been supporting us.

"I realized that I didn't go into very great detail a year ago about what happened. Too much shock, I guess. So I'll do that now.

"After I heard the radio saying what had happened, I went tearing down the stairs to the TV in the living room. As I ran past, my roommate Becca came running out of her room, the phone clutched to her ear, her face pale. Our roommate, Layne, had seen that the Pentagon had been hit on the news report she was watching at work, and had called me right away.

"Becca answered the phone. Her father works in a building right next to the Pentagon.

"Becca and I sat in front of the TV, watching in horror at the carnage on the news, holding each other and crying. We took turns trying to call our families, but the phones were jammed. Feeling helpless, I finally got dressed and went to meet Layne at the Law Library and pick her up to go to class.

"When I got to the Library, I saw a group of students crowded around the TV in front of the circulation desk where Layne was working. I watched in horror as the World Trade Center collapsed. Layne ran to me and threw her arms around me. I started sobbing. Layne went to get her bag so we could go to class.

"A lady, some unknown angel, saw me crying. She didn't know me, but she didn't let that stop her. That beautiful, angelic woman came up to me, put her arms around me, and rocked me back and forth, murmuring, 'It's okay, sweetheart. It will all be all right.' I clung to her for emotional support, and she stood there patiently until I calmed down. After that, I went to class.

"Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, and that unknown angel at the Law Library is a personal hero of mine.

"After we sang 'Nearer, My God, To Thee' in my first class, I broke down again. I wrote notes to the rest of my teachers, asking them to excuse me from class for the day.

"I went home to wait for news by the phone. When my grandfather called, he reassured me that my father was fine. All the pent-up emotion burst out of me again, and I cried like a baby. Grandpa told me Uncle Eric was okay, too. Apparently he had been on the mall by the Pentagon, and the plane had flown right over his head.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that day; a day that started out like any other, but ended with 3,000 fewer American citizens and a forever changed New York skyline. The events of that day will be etched in my mind forever."

To these journal entries, from the day of the event, and the first anniversary a year later, I now add an entry for the ten-year anniversary.

The events of 9/11 changed people. Many people became heroes that day, in many different ways. Strangers became friends. Americans were united as a people. We vowed to one another that we would never forget.

For several months after the tragedy took place, people became more patriotic. Flags were hanged in windows. Pro-America stickers were pasted on cars. People were a little more neighborly, a little more forgiving, a little more likely to serve each other.

That spirit, sadly, didn't last.

Most people still view the events of 9/11 with horror and sadness. But, unfortunately, we can no longer say that we're united as a nation. The petty bickering, the stubbornness (especially among politicians), the apathy for the pain of those around us, the criticizing of others - all of it has returned. Neighbors have become faceless strangers once more.

The saddest thing, to me, is the lack of support for our troops. The events of that day did spark a war. Many people (especially in the media) disagree that the war was necessary. They believe that there were ulterior motives for us to send our troops overseas to fight. Maybe they're right. I'm not in government, so I don't know.

But the fact is, the troops are doing their job, and doing it well. On May 2 of this year, our military (specifically the Navy SEALS) managed to take out the man who had planned the attacks of September 11th: Osama Bin Laden. The man who had killed thousands of innocent American civilians (and who, no doubt, would have tried to kill more had we given him the chance) was dead.

As we've fought that war, we've also managed to bring some peace and liberty to countries that had previously been fraught with war and tyranny. A lot of good has been done.

So, even if you don't agree with the war, you can't deny that our military servicemen are doing their jobs. These men and women signed up to help protect this country. A lot of them made that decision because of 9/11, and the events of that day. They wanted to do their part to prevent such a thing from ever happening again. It's a noble thing that they're doing, and they deserve our respect and appreciation.

My husband is one of those who signed up to join the military after 9/11 happened. It was a few years later, but it was still a factor. We were engaged at the time, so he discussed it with me first. He told me that he wanted to be part of the first line of defense, so that he could do his part to protect me and our family.

It wasn't enough for him to hope that our country remained safe. He wanted to be actively working to protect America, the citizens living here, and especially his family. And I think that what happened on September 11th, 2001 is probably a big part of the reason he made that decision. I know the events of that day are a big part of the reason that I supported him 100% in his decision. Being a military spouse isn't fun, but I'm completely proud that my husband has chosen to help protect our country.

All of us were changed on 9/11. Some of the changes were temporary, some will be with us forever. But one thing is certain. It's been ten years, and I still remember that day clearly. It will be with me forever. Some people may have let themselves forget the tragedy of that day, and the unity they felt for a little while with their fellow Americans. They may have forgotten the nature of the evil we've been fighting against in the War on Terror. But not all of us have forgotten.

I speak for myself and my family when I say: We will never forget!

Another Good Old-Fashioned Rant

There are many things I have an opinion on. Some are more frivolous than others. But today I'm going to give a few of them a moment or two in the spotlight.

First off - The Hunger Games. I love the books, and I'm excited about the movies, but seriously. How long are we going to drag out the whole movie-promoting process? It's getting to the point where I'm actually not all that excited about the movies anymore. Already I'm getting tired of the hype. And the first movie doesn't even come out for another seven months or so!

The teaser trailer that MTV made such a huge production over? No big deal. Kind of boring, really. Very anti-climactic.

The constant barrage of articles online claiming they have sneak peeks behind the scenes? Not so much. They have all the same stuff everyone else has.

The blatant self-promotion put forth by the Hunger Games movie people? Look, fan art! Oooh! Look, a sweepstakes to win a mockingjay pin! Oooh! Look! A one-in-a-billion chance to go to Hollywood and see the set! Oooh!

It would be delightful if they just gave it a break for a while. You're ruining my love of The Hunger Games trilogy, people!!!!

*****

Something more serious that bothers me is the reputation the military has for being notorious for infidelity. I realize that, chances are, there really is more infidelity in the military than there is in the civilian world. Husbands and wives have to spend a lot of time away from each other, and for some people (those with serious self-control issues), that leads to cheating. In fact, I believe there are even some people in the military for whom the military's poor reputation was a draw. There are, unfortunately, people in the world who don't believe in the sanctity of marriage. They figure they'll get married for the benefits that go with that, and get whatever other action they may desire on the side. They don't take their marriages seriously. And being in the military gives them lots of opportunities to get away from their spouse and have a little "fun." Therefore, the military lifestyle appeals to them. That may even be part of the reason why they joined the military in the first place! In that regard, the military's reputation becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It's unfortunate, but I know that it does happen. The thing that really bothers me, though, is when people assume that your marriage is going to fail just because your husband is in the military. They assume that one or the other of you will definitely cheat. Your marriage is doomed!

I got a taste of this when I posted a comment on this topic on spousebuzz.com. The article talked statistics about the levels of infidelity in the military. The statistics were from the 90s, though, so it was old information. The article was discussing whether or not those statistics are still accurate today, among other things. The article is here: http://spousebuzz.com/blog/2011/08/infidelity-divorce-more-common-among-vets.html

I posted this comment: "That's kind of nuts that they're basing their study on information that came out when a lot of the current military force were still in elementary school (my husband, for example). 

I suppose their information COULD be accurate, but they certainly would need a lot more information to really back it up. And in the long run, I think the generalizations out there about military servicemen and women being more likely to cheat could be sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's possible that there are some people who join the military because of its reputation in regards to adultery (whether or not that reputation is deserved). It may appeal to them because they know they'll be spending a lot of time away from their families and therefore have opportunities to cheat.

At the same time, though, I don't think being in the military makes people MORE likely to cheat. The military lifestyle may be a draw for people who don't want to be monogamous, but I believe that people who truly love their spouse and don't want to hurt them (and who are willing to work at their marriage when things are tough) will remain fervently committed to each other in spite of their time apart. In fact, their time apart will probably make their marriage and their love stronger.
I'm lucky enough to be in that latter category. I know for a fact that my husband is as crazy about me as I am about him. I also know that he's 100% committed to me, and to our family - and vice versa. There's no possible way we would ever be unfaithful to one another. It definitely makes the separations easier. I'm so grateful that cheating is not something I have to stress out about (on top of everything else!) while he's gone."
Some people agreed, more or less, with my comments, but a large number had only negative reactions. One, posted as a direct reply to my comment, stated, "That's what I thought, too," then proceeded to talk about how his naivete was rewarded with a cheating spouse and a costly divorce. I know he was just sharing his side, but at the same time, it felt like he was calling me an idiot for believing that my marriage will succeed. And many of the other comments felt the same way. 

Here's the thing. Even if the percentage of cheating spouses is higher in the military than it is in the civilian world, it's still not such a high number that we can accept so many generalizations about how military marriages are doomed to failure. The cheaters are still in the minority. Most military marriages are strong. Most spouses are dedicated to each other. And frankly, the deployments and constant time spent apart can actually make marriages stronger! You develop a greater appreciation for your spouse. You don't take them for granted. You learn to be selfless, and put their needs before your own.

Being in a military marriage does not mean you or your spouse is automatically going to cheat. Believe it or not, there is such a thing as self-control. There is also such a thing as dedication. And loyalty. And love!

When you truly love your spouse, and you're willing to do absolutely whatever it takes to make your marriage work, your marriage will be a success.

I truly feel terrible for all the people who have suffered because of cheating spouses. It's wrong on absolutely every level, and there's no excuse for it. None! But it really does bother me when people in the military all get a bad rep because of the few sleazy cheaters.

My husband adores me, and I adore him. We're madly in love, and 100% dedicated to each other. He will never cheat on me, and I will absolutely never cheat on him.

So please stop trying to convince me otherwise!

*****

So, apparently PETA is no longer content to just post pictures of naked celebrities, demean those who are struggling with obesity, and throw buckets of blood on people. They've decided that what they really need to do is start their own porn website! Awesome, right???

Their plan is to intersperse x-rated pictures with photos of animals being slaughtered and tortured. Aside from the fact that most people would consider pornography addiction to be far more damaging than eating the occasional piece of chicken, there are other issues. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not sure that this grand idea will help their cause. In fact, it will probably do just the opposite. Think about it for a minute.

If you still don't see the problem, maybe this Wikipedia entry will clarify: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivan_Pavlov

There are already plenty of sick people in the world. We really don't need PETA creating more of them.

Enough said.

Stay classy, PETA.


*****

There's an Air Force Ball in a couple of weeks! Fun, right? Yeah, except for the part where they scheduled it at pretty much the worst possible time.

The guys from the current deployment (Ben included) will probably not be back by then. And the guys going on the next deployment will already be gone! So, they pretty much scheduled this event exactly wrong. There's a very small window of time where you could schedule something to exclude people from two squadrons, out on consecutive deployments. And yet, that's exactly what they did.

I get that this is a B-1 base, and that the C-130 squadrons here are not the main focus of the base. But seriously? They don't get any consideration at all??? I mean, they scheduled this Ball so perfectly wrong, it's incredible.

I'm a little bitter about it, can you tell? I get that the C-130 guys are second-class citizens compared to the B-1 guys, but this is stupid. All they had to do was move the Ball one week in either direction and they would have been able to accommodate the guys from either the group that are deploying, or the group that are returning. One week in either direction!!! And the B-1 guys wouldn't have been affected, so what does it matter to them?

It's stupid and annoying. And that's all I have to say about that.

*****

CHILI'S HAS STOPPED SELLING WHITE CHOCOLATE MOLTEN CAKE!!!!

Seriously, what is up with that???

I'm not a big fan of desserts at restaurants. They always have the same basic things: cheesecake, a brownie with ice cream, a chocolate chip cookie with ice cream, apple cobbler, and a piece of chocolate cake. Every once in a while you might find something different, but those are the basics. And I'm not saying these desserts are bad, but they're nothing special - especially for $6 each. I could make something like that at home for a lot cheaper, and usually it will taste better to me, too.

Every rare once in a while, though, a restaurant comes up with a dessert that I absolutely love! Usually it's something that I can't find anywhere else, and that I don't have the ability to create myself.

For a while, Applebee's had this amazing dessert called "apple chimi-cheesecake." It was a dessert chimichanga, with warm apple-cinnamon cheesecake inside, covered in cinnamon and sugar. It was amazing.


But they stopped selling it. I'm still sad about that.

Then, I discovered Chili's white chocolate molten cake!

They have a couple of other kinds of molten cake, as well. They always have regular chocolate molten cake, and from time to time they've also had chocolate chip molten cake and chocolate-peanut-butter molten cake.

None of those impressed me, though. They were too rich, and not super tasty.

The white chocolate molten cake, though... So. Ridiculously. Good.

It was really the only reason I ever went to Chili's. I've never been all that impressed with their food. They seem addicted to jalapenos and other similar spices, and I'm just not a super-spicy kind of person. But because of the cake, I was a frequent customer.

But a few months ago they stopped selling white chocolate molten cake! Seriously, Chili's????

Another fabulous dessert has gone extinct. Just like the apple chimi-cheesecake.

And now I have no motivation to go to Chili's anymore.

I suppose it's a good thing, since I'm on a diet, but still. What's the deal, Chili's?????

Rant over. Cassie out.