Chocolatey Thoughts: Day Twenty-One

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means today and tomorrow I get to talk about the top two things I'm the most grateful for. So today is all about Ben.

Ben is more than the love of my life. He's the love of my forever. I don't understand people who like the idea that their marriage will end with death. Some people think eternity is too much of a commitment or something. But if you really love someone, wouldn't you want to be with them forever? I know I do.

I admit, when I first met Ben, I never considered that there was any romantic potential there. He was cute, but he was a year younger than me. And when we met, I was only 19 myself, and he was fresh out of high school, so that year seemed like a very big age difference.

Then there was the fact that I was dating his brother. It wasn't serious, and it was extremely on-again-off-again with a whole lot more off than on. Ultimately, his brother and I were mostly just friends. But there was a romantic link there. So it would have been totally weird to date Ben.

And Ben was a geek. A cute geek, for sure, but still very geeky. I'm talking knee socks, cargo shorts and Hawaiian-print shirts geeky. I could see how handsome he was under the terrible wardrobe, but the clothes did make it hard to take him seriously.

Lastly, though, Ben had a girlfriend that he was dead set on marrying. They'd been together for a big chunk of high school, and she had been a friend, a sweetheart, and in many ways she was his spiritual support. She helped him through the typical teenage struggles with right and wrong, and helped him stay on a good path. She was his angel.

So no, when we first met, I never dreamed that we would end up together. But things have a funny way of working out completely differently than you may have planned.

Ben, like most faithful young Latter-Day Saint men, served a mission from the ages of 19-21. He did his missionary work in the Philippines. While on his mission, he was fully dedicated to the Lord. He didn't watch TV, he didn't go to the movies, he almost always wore a suit and tie, and he definitely didn't date. Those two years were all about the gospel.

When he came home, Ben had changed. He was more serious, more spiritual, and was more than ready to get married. He met up with his high school sweetheart, but as they were visiting, he realized that something was missing. He didn't feel the same connection with her that he once had. And he decided that he needed to look elsewhere for a wife.

Imagine my surprise when Ben got on AOL instant messenger one day and started chatting with me. I remembered him, of course. We'd hung out a few times during his freshman year of college. But I still thought of him as "Jonny's little brother." But he was persistent, and asked me out. I hadn't seen him in a couple of years, but I've never been one to turn down a date. I had the philosophy that any guy brave enough to ask a girl out should be given a chance.

When I saw Ben for the first time after his mission, I was blown away. He was very tan from being in a tropical country for two years. His hair had been bleached to a light blonde from his time in the sun. And he was dressed surprisingly well, in a fitted black v-neck and jean shorts.

Wow.

I was so glad I agreed to a date.

It was still weird at first, dating my ex's little brother. But Ben was charming and sweet. And though he seemed a little quiet and shy, he pulled some very daring moves on me pretty quickly. The first time he held my hand, and the first time we kissed I was caught off-guard. He was just going for it, without waiting for any kind of signal. It was brave, and I found myself admiring him for it.

And the bravery didn't stop. After about ten days of dating, he dropped this bomb on me: "We're either going to get married or break up. So let's figure out which one it is."

I had no idea that he had already decided that we were going to get married. This was his way of giving me the chance to learn that information for myself. So we started fasting and praying about it the next morning.

We spent that next day talking. We talked about how we grew up, our families, our favorite things about childhood, the places we lived over the years, and everything in between. When the conversation rolled around to family traditions, we started talking about which traditions from each of our families we would want to incorporate into our own little family. I found myself picturing doing those traditions with our children - mine and Ben's - and that's when I knew.

I knew that I was going to marry him. It was God's way of giving me my answer.

We were engaged for eight months, which is a really long engagement for Mormons, who practice abstinence. But it gave us a chance to get to know each other better. And we got to take a marriage prep class, which taught us all sorts of valuable lessons about having a successful marriage. Those eight months sucked, but they definitely had value for us.

And while there were occasions during our engagement when I wondered if I was making the right choice, part of me never doubted. I knew that Ben and I were meant to spend eternity together.

Ever since then, we've grown as a couple. "We" is far more common in our language than "I." We're a team, a unit, a partnership. And our love just gets stronger with every passing day.

Ben is gentle, generous, kind, thoughtful, sweet, and incredibly handsome. He never says anything remotely hurtful to me, even when I'm being a brat and probably deserve it. He always treats me like a queen, and looks at me like I'm a goddess. I never feel less than absolutely beautiful in his eyes.

He's always willing to help me out with whatever I ask, even when he's in the middle of something far more interesting. He's an amazing father, too. He treats Evie like a princess, but he's not afraid to lay down the law with her when necessary. He makes it clear to her that he and I are a team, and that he supports whatever decision I might make as a parent.

Ben isn't loud, rambunctious, or constantly hilarious. Most of the guys I was attracted to in my youth were more that type. They were always making me laugh, shocking me with the wild things they did, competing with me for the spotlight. They were fun. I always thought that was what I wanted in a husband.

But Ben is so much better. He's funny, but he's not a clown. He's more introspective. He's not a big talker, but when he does talk, you can bet he's thought through exactly what he wants to say. He doesn't crave attention, but if you give it to him, you're never disappointed. He's handsome, talented, smart, kind, spiritual, and incredibly sexy. Maybe that's a little too PG for this blog, but it's true.

He's more amazing than I'll ever be. He strengthens me where I'm weak, and helps me be a better person. I've learned more about patience and kindness from Ben than I learned in the rest of my life put together. He makes me want to always tell the truth, to apologize quickly when I'm in the wrong, to put others - especially him and Evie - before myself. Cliche as it may sound, he truly does complete me. And he doesn't just complete me, he improves me.