Day Ten

Today I'm grateful to have people in my life who not only understand the way I'm feeling, but who love me for my crazy thoughts and feelings anyway.

I try to be a generally nice, humble, sweet kind of person. But there is a part of me - just like everyone else! - who can have a bit of an ego at times. I try to suppress it and pretend it isn't there, but it is! Especially when it comes to singing and acting.

For example, there are auditions over the next couple of days for a dramatic play. It's not normally my kind of thing, because my real passion is musicals (because singing is my thing!), but it's being directed by a friend of mine. That fact alone makes me really want to audition.

The catch is, I don't want to do it unless Ben is doing it, too, so that we can be spending those evenings together. Ben is like me, and prefers musicals, so this play isn't really his kind of thing, either. And he doesn't really know the director, so he doesn't have that motivation that I do.

I think I've got him about convinced to go audition, just for fun. We might really like what we see of the play during auditions, who knows? But more to the point of the topic at hand, we were discussing it just now, and I said this:

"Ben, it's a lot of pressure when you have a friend who's directing a show and who really wants you to audition. A director wanting you to audition is a big deal! So that makes me want to do it. And you never know, he might find someone better than me and not even cast me. But really, that's ridiculous, because I'm the best. And the thought of someone who's not as good as me getting a part that I could have done even better is not a fun idea!"

Oh, my. My ego is ridiculous. To be fair, I was mostly joking. But part of me, the egotistical part (which comes out the most when it comes to singing, but also to a degree with acting), was serious. Naturally, I felt immediately guilty for even thinking such egotistical thoughts, but Ben just laughed and said, "Hey, I know exactly what you mean!"

We're not megalomaniacs! I promise! We're just aware of our abilities and have a realistic view of how we compare to others. Wow, even that sounds terrible.

Granted, I haven't seen everyone who's auditioning for the show perform before, so I don't really know that I'm better than they are. What I really mean is just that I know I would do a great job. And I'm afraid that there won't be enough really talented people to make the show a success. But there's no reason to think that, because there are a lot of theater geeks around here. So I really don't have to worry about it. It will be an awesome show no matter what, with me or without me.

Anyway, I'm grateful that Ben can hear what I'm saying and understand what I really mean. :) Hopefully you understand, too!!!!