24 Days of Thanksgiving - Day Twenty-Two

Today was already the day I was planning to talk about my little girl, but it seems especially appropriate as I'm feeling my infertility very keenly today.

That's not to say that I'm getting down on myself for being fertile, or angry at God, or feeling bitter toward my pregnant friends like I used to. Thankfully, I've grown beyond all that. It took more than three years, but I did learn to accept God's will and timing. My heart is at peace.

But still, every once in a while I just feel it more. The longing for more children. The wistfulness as I watch most of my friends pass me by. The ache in my heart as I hear my daughter tell me how badly she wants brothers and sisters.

I don't think that makes me a bad person. I think it just makes me human.

And most of all, I feel an overwhelming love and gratitude for the angel child that I do have, my little girl, Evelyn.

She is truly the most beautiful, sweet, charming, lovable little girl I have ever met. Granted, I'm completely biased, but I'm totally okay with that.

The many moods of Evie

From the time she was a baby, Evie has been enchanting me. She's always had a cheerful personality, and once she learned to talk we discovered that she had a great sense of humor as well. Here are just a few of the quotes I've recorded from her over the years:

Age Two (barely)

(Quoting Shrek 2, because when she was first learning to speak she often communicated in movie quotes)  "Mama! For five minutes, not be self??? FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!"

"The moon is following us! It's intolerable!"

Riding the horse at May Farm during her 5th birthday party

Age Three

"Monsters don't speak 'horsie.'"

(At bedtime) 
"Mama, don't leave! I'll get scared!" 
"Scared of what?"
"Scared of... something dangerous!"

(When asked if she wanted to bear her testimony in church)
"Testimonies are not for me!"

"The clouds keep the sun warm."

"I'm not a angel! I'm a dog."

Me: "How many squishy hugs do you want tonight, Evie?"
Evie: "Um, three."
Me: "How many big ones and how many little ones?"
Evie: "Two little and one big."
Me: "Wha-? Whoa! That was basic math! When did you learn that???"

"I'm not a angel, I'm a small donkey."

"I'm not cute! I'm amazing!"

"My mom is a mean mom. She makes me eat healthy food."

(As part of a game) 
Me: "Who would you not want to be stuck in an elevator with?"
Evie: "Hmmm... A dinosaur."

"I love my mom, because she took a shower."

Me: "What's the opposite of aunt?"
Evie: "Millipede?"

(When Evie was learning about the differences between boys and girls)
Me: "What do boys have that girls don't have?"
Evie: "...a hairy bum?"

At the Renaissance Festival

Age Four:


(To Ben) Evie: "You're a cheater!"
Ben: "What do you think 'cheat' means?"
Evie: "It's when you frustrate your daughter!"

"My nose is drooling!"

"Mom! Mom! Mom!"
"What?"
"My feet smell like bread."

"Mom, one time in my bathroom there was a very small centerpiece bug, but I killed it."

(First day of Ben's deployment, Evie woke up crying because he was gone)
Me: "We'll have lots of fun while Daddy is gone. We're going to go to Idaho in three weeks!"
Evie: "But Daddy isn't in Idaho!!!"

"Mom, my neck hurts."
"Bummer! Why does it hurt?"
"I dunno. Maybe birds pecked at it."

(After her cousin, Jack, was born)
"Jack is so cute I'm gonna explode, but not for real."

Evie: "Mom, do I get to eat dinner, too?"
Me: "No, you don't get to eat anymore. We're going to let you waste away to nothing."
Evie: (glaring at me) "You know I take karate."

Earning her first stripe in karate

Age Five:


(singing) 
"Nothin' gonna jingle till ya jingle your teeth! That's the jingle bell rock!"

"Mom, your dress has squares on it! Squares are ugly."

"God created men to help the women make babies."

(After her hamster, Dave, died)
"Now he's in his little hamster cage in heaven!"

(While I was goofing around, wearing a scarf on my head like a turban)
Me: "Do I look pretty?"
Ben: "Yep. You always look pretty."
Evie: "No, you don't. He's just lying."

Haha! Oh, man, that kid. She cracks me up. And clearly, now that we've got "honesty" down, it's time to work on "tact."

In her prize-winning Mad Hatter Halloween costume

Evie has gotten even more interesting as she's gotten older. She's always enchanted me, but now she boggles me, too. Her latest thing is an obsession with "fanciness." She will only wear clothes that she thinks are fancy, and has started going by "Evelyn" rather than "Evie," at least at school. I always forget and call her "Evie."

She's also very concerned with being the best at everything. I'm trying to teach her that it doesn't matter if you're better than everyone else, as long as you're the very best "you" you can be. She's not really catching on to it yet, though. She gets very upset whenever somebody beats her at something, and if I dare to compliment any other little girls she acts like I've insulted her somehow.

I'm glad she's got a good sense of self-esteem. On the other hand, I'm wondering what more I can do to get the lessons on "good sportsmanship" and "humility" to sink in.

Hopefully this is just a phase!

Aside from all that, though, she's darn near perfect. I suppose it's no wonder she's got so much confidence. She's gorgeous. She's outgoing and friendly. She's smart. She's a talented dancer. She's photogenic. She's got a fantastic memory. She's creative. She's got a strong testimony. She's adorable. And she's definitely precocious.

Did I mention that she's had more than one boy fight for her attention?

Heaven help us when she becomes a teenager!

Evie and her "boyfriend," Evan.
("But not a kissing boyfriend, Mom!")

I'm so proud of her, though. She brings so much joy to my life. And one of the best qualities about her is one she hasn't been able to develop much yet, but hopefully will in the future: she's going to be a great big sister.

She has been praying for brothers and sisters for a couple of years now. She loves babies, and she's very sweet with them. She's generally helpful around the house, and is always willing to fetch things for me. She's extremely aware of what's safe and what's not, and she's not afraid to let others know when they're doing something dangerous.

Evie is seriously going to be the world's best big sister. As heartbreaking as it is that it's taking so long for that dream to come true, I know that it will happen eventually. And when it does, Evie will be there, helping me with every new baby, making things a little easier.

I love her to the moon and back again.

She's my angel.