Thanksgiving Day!

This is my final thanksgiving blog of the year, and it's going to be a biggie! I probably won't go into a lot of details on each entry, but I'm going to write 22 things that I'm thankful for - one for each day of the month I didn't write in my blog. These are all in completely random order, and aren't all necessarily the things that I'm absolutely the most grateful for. They're basically just what came to mind as I was writing. Anyway, let's begin!

1 - Priesthood blessings. Priesthood blessings have given me so much comfort throughout my struggle with infertility. I feel so much closer to God when I get a blessing. I also would probably still be in agonizing pain from my sinus infection if not for the priesthood blessing Ben gave me. These blessings have real power, and I'm thankful that I can receive them.

2 - White chocolate molten cake. You get it at Chili's, and it's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! They put ice cream on top, and drizzle the whole thing with raspberry sauce. It's heaven on a plate. Although you can't finish one by yourself (at least, I know I can't). Also, it can make you fat.

3 - Unexpected opportunities that just fall in your lap. I'm currently teaching piano and/or voice lessons to 5 students, most of which I didn't even approach initially. The parents of the students saw from church that I sing and play the piano, and asked if I taught lessons. I hadn't before, but I'd always wanted to, so I decided to go for it. Now I have 5 students! It's amazing. The extra money isn't a ton, but it helps a lot with meeting our needs. It's especially welcome this time of year with Christmas coming up.

4 - Tivo. Hello! Best invention ever! I don't have to watch commercials anymore, and I can record two shows at a time so that I don't have to pick which one to watch. Plus, I can record movies and put them on DVDs. Awesome.

5 - The scriptures. I've been reading every day for the past several months, trying to establish a lifelong habit. It's been so uplifting. I read first thing in the morning, and the rest of my day is just better. My whole life has had a better feel to it since I started reading my scriptures regularly. I find answers in there, sometimes, that I didn't even realize I was looking for. We're so blessed to have the scriptures. Not enough people realize what we've got, right at our fingertips, if we'll just make the effort to read.

6 - Ben's military career. It's nice knowing that his job is safe from the recession. Being a pilot and a member of the military, he's not going to be fired any time soon. He has at least a 10-year commitment ahead of him, starting after he graduates from pilot training. It's such a relief to know that our income will be steady, especially in this economy. We don't have to stress out about finances and job security to the same degree that most people do.

7 - Glee. It's by far the best new show on television. That I've watched. It's got storylines, dancing, singing, the works! It's so right up my alley, I just love that show. And the music is great! We've already got enough of the music from the show to make a CD. And every week more music comes out. LOVE IT!

8 - America. I know, it's kind of cliche, but I really do love this country. There's not another nation anywhere in the world with the kind of freedoms we enjoy. We're seriously spoiled here. If Americans would just look around, and really notice what people in other places have to deal with, they would probably shut up about how "terrible" America is and realize how blessed they are to live here. I'm just sayin'.

9 - Musical Theater. I love to watch it, I love to listen to it, I love to perform it. There's nothing that warms the heart like a spontaneous song and dance number in the middle of a serious conversation. :)

10 - Quotable movies. That's another thing that warms my heart - having the perfect movie quote for any situation. I love slipping random quotes into conversations, and then watching the look in people's eyes when they realize that there's something familiar about what I just said. The best, of course, is when they get the quote and follow it up with one of their own. For example, when I was in high school we had a dog named Bob. Bob Barker. My mom named him, don't blame me! Anyway, he had a caveman chew toy named "Grunt" that he ripped to shreds in the back yard. Mom sent my brother Andrew and I out to clean up the carnage. As we walked out and surveyed the lawn (and the bits of cotton and loin cloth strewn over it), I said in a sickened voice, "I think this was Grunt." My brother, on the other side of the lawn, replied in a similarly grossed-out voice, "I think this was, too." It was a joyful moment. Seriously, it's been 10 years and I still remember that incident. It was freaking awesome. (For those of you who don't know, we were quoting Jurassic Park. "I think this was Gennaro." "I think this was, too.")

11 - My husband's super-hot body. 'Nuff said.

12 - My camera. I love taking pictures! I'm not that great at it, but my camera is, so the pictures turn out pretty nice. And I love having pictures to look at, they bring back memories and make me all mushy and nostalgic. Aww. :)

13 - Pixar. Their movies are the best family movies made these days. No other family film company has anything like the same kind of quality and humor that Pixar does. I appreciate that I can take my daughter to a Pixar movie and know that we'll both have a fantastic time.

14 - Mascara. I don't think I could live without the stuff. I mean, I could live, of course. But would I want to?

15 - Dressing up. I always feel like a supermodel when I dress up. Yes, I know I'm not tall, skinny, or exotic. Shut up. I can feel like a supermodel if I want to! Anyway, any chance to put on a gorgeous dress, style my hair all fancy, and wear sparkly jewelry is a chance I'll jump at! In fact, I'm looking forward to just such an occasion coming up in a few months. Part of Ben's graduation from pilot training is a fancy, formal party. Granted, I'll be about 6 1/2 months pregnant at the time, but hopefully I'll still get that "supermodel" feeling. I bought a dress yesterday, and I think it will be beautiful. Fingers crossed!

16 - Deep conversations. As long as we're not talking about touchy subjects that make tempers flair, I enjoy using my brain in a conversation. Hypotheticals are always a good topic, as are ethics. My geek side doesn't come out often, but here it is, folks. I enjoy good conversations that make me think. I'll bet you never suspected it, huh?

17 - Sleeves. Sleeves are seriously underrated. I'm thrilled that they're coming back in style, specifically on dresses. It's nice not having to wear a t-shirt under my dress at church. I just wish they'd put more sleeves on evening gowns. Seriously, folks, most women do not have super skinny, toned biceps. Why put flabby arms on display when you're trying to look your absolute best?

18 - Listening to children sing in Primary. I literally cry half the time. Okay, maybe it's more like a quarter of the time. But my point is, little kids can bring the spirit into a room better than just about anybody when they sing. There's nothing quite so touching as listening to a room full of children sing proudly, "I am a child of God" or "I know my Father lives!" It's a beautiful thing.

19 - Cell phones. I don't know how I survived before cell phones. I can't go anywhere without one, because I just know that if I don't have my phone, something horrible will happen and I'll have a difficult time getting a hold of anyone to help. They're also a blessing because I can keep in touch with my family more easily. I can call then anywhere, anytime. Since I don't get to see them in person that often, I'm really grateful for my cell phone.

20 - Good books. There is nothing, I repeat, nothing like a good book to relax the mind. I love getting carried away in a story. They're better than any other form of entertainment, if you ask me, because you have to use your imagination. When you're picturing the story in your mind, it forms to your personal experiences and tastes which makes it all the more engrossing. You can also see into the minds of the characters when you read, something which is difficult to do through TV and movies. Also, reading makes you look smart!

21 - Jacuzzi tubs. How awesome are they?! Baths are the best, but most bathtubs I've had in my lifetime have been too shallow to really be effective for relaxation. Jacuzzi tubs are perfect, because they're deeper and they make bubbles! Ben and I have already decided that when we finally settle down in one place and buy a house, it has to have at least one jacuzzi tub, preferably in the master bathroom where we don't have to share with our kids. :) That's not to say we won't let them use it, just that we'll have permanent dibs. The only thing better than a jacuzzi tub is having a book to read while you're soaking in the tub! Ahhhh....

22 - Last but not least, I'm thankful for holidays! This time of year, especially, is great for holiday cheer. Christmas truly is the very best time of year, and I think Thanksgiving is the perfect way to usher in the Christmas season. Christmas is about Christ, and since we start the whole season off with a day of counting our blessings and giving thanks, it helps get us into the proper mindset to celebrate Christmas. Other holidays are fun, too, but this time of year is my very favorite.

That's all, folks! I've really enjoyed writing these, and I hope you've enjoyed reading them. Keep in mind that there are tons of things that I'm grateful for that I didn't mention this week. That doesn't mean that I'm not thankful for them. It just means that I can't possibly list everything. I know a lot of the stuff mentioned in this post may even seem a little trivial (white chocolate molten cake certainly can seem that way if you haven't experienced it yourself), and a lot of it probably is. But we should count all of our blessings, not just the big ones, right?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving - Wednesday

Today is almost over, and I'm just now sitting down to write this! Goodness me, what was I thinking???

Oh, right, I was gone all day. Well, that explains it.

Anyway, today I'm going to talk about talents. Specifically, I'm going to talk about singing, dancing, and musical stuff in general.

I like to think that I have some musical ability. That's why, I think, I'm so in love with those kinds of things - because not only can I appreciate them from an audience standpoint, I know what it's like to be the one performing. It's exhilarating, addicting, and brings joy on a spiritual level.

I'm not trying to say that I'm the best performer ever to grace a stage, because we all know that's not true. But it's truly a joyful thing to be a part of. And I look forward to building on those talents for the rest of eternity. I also really want to cultivate some new talents that I'm not strong in yet.

One of those talents (the ones I'm not great at but would like to be) is dancing. I did a lot of dancing in college, but that was pretty much the first time I'd done any. So I was never very impressive. I loved it, though. There's nothing more beautiful to me than someone expressing themselves through movement. It's fascinating to me, probably because I can't do it with any real level of competency. The dancing I've done, though, I've truly enjoyed. I focused mainly on latin ballroom dance as my college education went on, because that's where I found that I had some talent. I competed in Dancesports (and generally did well), took as many classes as I could, and even helped with some choreography in a play I was in. Ballroom dance is one of the things I miss most since I got married and became a mother. Ben and I both did it, and I had so much fun being able to dance with him like that. It's not something we have the opportunity to do anymore, and I don't know that I'm limber enough now anyway. But watching it is almost as good, especially when the dancers are truly outstanding. So You Think You Can Dance is one of my favorite shows, because of the sheer level of talent! I've decided that, in the next life, when I have a perfect body and lots of time on my hands, I'm going to increase that little amount of talent that I have until I can move like the pros do. There are so many things that language is too limited to say. Dance is one of the ways you can communicate something without the barrier of words. I look forward to being able to express myself that way.

Music is another great way to express something without language. Music has the power to lift your spirit to incredible heights, sink you into a well of sadness, make you feel pumped up and excited, or make you wish you were somewhere else. It's incredible. What a gift God gave us when He created music! It's no wonder that the musically talented are revered so much. It's no wonder that the entertainment industry (even TV and movies) is overflowing with scores and soundtracks. It's no wonder that inventors are constantly coming up with better ways to obtain, store and listen to music. The demand is huge! I'm so grateful to have music in my life. I'm grateful that my parents made me take piano lessons as a child, so I could make beautiful music myself. And I'm grateful that God blessed me with a decent singing voice, so I can express whatever is in my heart in a way that touches others as well.

Singing is my favorite form of music, mostly because that's where my real talent lies. I'm not as good a singer as I wish I were; I'm not even as good a singer in the real world as I am in my own head! But people seem to enjoy listening to me, which provides a lot of opportunities for me to use my talent. I get asked to sing frequently, and I usually get cast in musicals when I audition for a role. I don't always get leads, but any role where I can sing is worthwhile. I get put in callings at church where I get to use my talents, as well. I'm perfectly happy to consecrate my singing talent to the Lord. He gave it to me, after all, and I enjoy using it. I'm blessed to get the callings I frequently do - as a chorister, or pianist, or choir director. It means I can use my talents to uplift others. It's truly a blessing.

I love music, and I love everything that goes along with it. I've never had much athletic ability, I can't draw or paint, I don't understand machines or engines, and the only people that I can consistently make laugh are myself and my three-year-old. My talents lie almost entirely in the realm of the musical, and I'm 100% okay with that. If I had to choose a talent, I would choose music every time. There's nothing that brings me more joy. I'm so thankful that music can be such an intimate part of my life.

Thanksgiving - Tuesday

Today I'm going to talk about my friends. I've had lots of friends over the years, but few were very lasting. Most of them I was only friends with as long as I was in the area - once I moved away, the friendship fizzled. I do have a few friends, however, who I still keep in contact with and who are still an important part of my life. They've shaped and changed my life in wonderful ways. Many of them were like family to me, when my actual family was far away. I love these ladies dearly, and I'm grateful that they have been, and still are, a part of my life.

I don't know what order to put my friends in, because they've all been important to me for different reasons. So I'll take a leaf out of the "Dancing with the Stars" book, and list them in no particular order.

Laura P - We don't hear much from each other these days, but she was one of my absolute favorite people from my home ward in Virginia. We were both out at college when her family moved into my parents' ward, so I didn't meet her until we were both home over a break of some sort. We ended up sitting next to each other in Relief Society, and struck up a conversation about how they really should give out goodies in Church more often. It's amazing how a candy bar can increase your attention span. As we were talking, the Relief Society president walked in with... a basket full of candy bars! It was awesome. I decided then and there that we were clearly meant to be friends. Our powers combined wielded powerful results! Or something like that. Anyway, we were friends from then on. She helped me get an apartment at college after I deferred a semester - it's hard to find a place to live in the middle of the school year. We went to dances and parties together, we dressed up like witches/mardi gras partiers/valentines together, we traded shirts in the ladies' bathroom while we were out with friends (and siblings) just to see if anyone would notice, and we spent more than one New Year's Eve together. We had a lot of fun, both in Virginia and in Utah. I do wish we kept in touch better, but I understand that she's got her hands full these days with her kids, as do I. As far as I'm concerned, we'll always be friends. I'm excited for the day when we can finally catch up with one another again. :)

Ashley - I met Ashley my junior year of college. She was one of my roommates. I'd never met her before, but Laura (from the previous post) had worked with her in high school at the world's best chocolate shop and highly recommended her. Laura had been planning on living with us that year, too, but it didn't work out. I'm glad she suggested Ashley as our roommate, though - Ashley is awesome. She was studying nursing, and was kind of the apartment "mom." She was the one we went to when we were sick or in pain, and she'd tell us what to do or take. When I went through a really painful breakup at the beginning of the school year, she made sure that I ate, even though I didn't want to. Aside from all the "mom" type stuff, Ashley was just plain fun. :) She was easy to talk to, and she was always willing to do crazy stuff with her roommates. For example: we had an FHE brother, Andy, who was about 9 feet tall. So for fun, Ashley and Minna stole one of Andy's shirts and dressed up like him. As in, Ashley sat on Minna's shoulders and they took pictures. It was hilarious. One of my favorite things about Ashley, though, was the way she would scream and mess up her hair whenever we said something that was embarassing or loaded with innuendo. She was laughing while she did it, of course, which made it all the more entertaining. Ashley has a great laugh. I'm so glad she roomed with me that year. Even now we try to get together with some of the old roommates whenever we're all in town at the same time. She's absolutely beautiful, in every way, and I'm blessed to have had her in my life. Minna - I mentioned Minna when I was talking about Ashley, because she was also one of my roommates that year. I first met Minna, though, when we roomed together my second year of college. It was her freshman year, but she didn't have any trouble fitting in with us older girls. She fit in right away. Minna is one of the most loving, sweet, happy people I've ever met. She can seriously make friends with anyone. And she's always smiling and laughing. Minna is still one of my all-time favorite people. We took dance classes together, asked boys out on dates together, pulled crazy stunts together, and even made a "reality tv show" based on MTV's "Becoming" where we made Minna into Will Smith and filmed the MIB music video. Heeheehee... Oh man, it still makes me laugh! Good times. :) Yes, Minna was (and still is!) a really fun person. She was more than that, though, she was also a really good person, gorgeous inside and out. She was always willing to give me a hug when I needed one, or sit and talk about things that were bothering me. She always put other people before herself. It's like selflessness came naturally to her. When she has kids someday, they are going to be the happiest kids on the planet because they're going to have the best mom EVER. I love Minna more than I can possibly say. She remains, to this day, one of my best friends and favorite people.

Layne - What can I say? Layne was my best friend for pretty much the whole time I was in college. She was my assigned roommate my freshman year. I remember that I spent the entire summer praying that I would have the world's awesomest roommate, because I was so scared! I prayed that my roommate would be someone I could really be friends with. I got that and more. Layne wasn't just my best friend, who I spent all my free time with - she was like a sister to me. Sure, we got into fights sometimes, we yelled at each other sometimes, there were probably times when we even hated each other (just a little bit). It's natural, when you spend that much time with a person. Like I said - we were like sisters! But I loved her like crazy. We chose to room together for three of our years at college. And even when we weren't living together, we hung out all the time. Once we both got engaged, our focuses shifted to our fiancees and the families we were creating there. Since then, obviously, we haven't been so close. But we still keep in touch. And when we talk on the phone, we can go for hours. We don't, usually, because we both have small children to take care of, but it's certainly something that we could do! :) I can tell her anything. She's always been a good listener, and she gives great advice. Layne and I have had so many fun times together that I'll always treasure. College wouldn't have been half so fun if I hadn't been friends with Layne. She's smart, funny, beautiful, and basically awesome in every possible way. My pre-college prayers were answered 100%. I honestly could not have had a better roommate, or a better friend. I love you, Layne!

Heather - Heather was the first of my post-engagement friends. All my friends I've mentioned previously were friends from when I was single. Heather, though, was friends with my husband before she ever met me. Her husband, PJ, is also friends with Ben, so they were the first couple that we were close to. We really hit it off when the boys had their mission reunion (they served in the same area, as well as having been friends in high school). She was late, and while we were waiting for her I discovered that PJ was planning to propose to her at some point in the future. I was so excited about it that I basically told her! I'm terrible at keeping secrets. Seriously, don't tell me anything! Anyway, they ended up setting their wedding date for about a month after ours, so we decided to go apartment hunting together. We ended up living right next door to each other in the basement of a duplex. It was awesome, because we always had friends nearby! When I found out I was pregnant with Evie, Ben wasn't home. I was too excited, I had to tell someone... So I went next door and told PJ to send Heather over as soon as she got home. Thus, Heather was the first person in the whole world that I told when I found out I was pregnant. :) Our friendship just continued to grow over the years, and even now we keep in touch pretty well. We send weekly letters to each other, read each others' blogs, and talk on Facebook. We even get to chat on the phone every so often, which is great! She's one of my favorite people, ever, in the whole world, and I love her so much. I'm sure we'll be friends forever.
Laura H - Laura and I met when she was dating her husband, Robert. He was in the Air Force ROTC Honor Guard with my husband, so they were friends. Ben and I were already married at the time, and Evie was a few months old. The boys went out to California for an honor guard competition about a week before Laura and Robert's wedding. Naturally, we both wanted to go, but she wasn't technically allowed because they weren't married yet, and I just couldn't leave Evie for the four days that the boys were going to be gone. So the boys thought up a plan, and they thought it up quick: Laura and I would drive out together the day before the competition, stay the one night, and then drive back home with the boys. That meant that Laura and I, basically strangers at the time, would be stuck in a car together for 15 hours or so. I was so nervous, I had no idea if Laura would like me. I'd seen her before, and been completely intimidated because she was so gorgeous. As it turns out, my worries were completely unfounded. She is just as incredibly beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. We hit it off right away, and talked the entire drive to California. Seriously, there was barely a pause. The 15 hours felt more like 4 or 5. I even taught her how to drive a stick as we traveled, which was hilarious and a tiny bit scary. ;) She totally nailed it, though, and now she drives stick like a pro. Lucky for me, our husbands graduated at the same time and we both got sent to Hill Air Force Base for 6 months. Our husbands also went to IFS and ASBC together, which meant we got to spend even more time together. In fact, while we were at Hill, we lived just a few apartment buildings apart from each other. Our kids played together, we went shopping together, we took field trips to the zoo together - we seriously hung out all the time. And then we moved to different states for pilot training... We still keep in touch sometimes, but neither of us is very good at it. Our friendship is still strong, but we don't get to talk very often. I'm so excited, though, because in just another month or so they'll be moving out here, with us! It will be awesome to see them again, I'm so so so excited. I can talk to Laura about anything. She's seriously one of my best friends. With any luck, our paths with the Air Force will continue to cross over the years, and our kids will become as good friends with one another as we are.

Fabiane - Fabi is another Air Force friend. She was also a little intimidating to me when I first met her, because she was so beautiful and exotic (she's from Brazil). As I got to know her, I discovered that she's seriously one of the sweetest, most optimistic people on the planet. She smiles all the time, and her smile always makes me happy. When Laura and I were moving up to Hill, Fabi and her husband moved right along with us. The three of us were together at Hill, and at ASBC with our husbands. All those outings and shopping trips I had with Laura were with Fabi as well. We were like the three musketeers or something! I know, I'm cheesy, but that's how it felt. The three of us could talk for hours, and we relied on each other a lot while our husbands were gone TDY. The thing I love most about Fabi is that she's so upbeat. Even when she's going through something rough, she's happy and optimistic. This last pregnancy of hers, for example, sounded really rough from what I heard. But every time I heard from her, she was so cheerful! I would have been complaining and cranky. But Fabi is completely sweet and happy. It's amazing! I admire her so much. I wish I could be more like her. I'm excited because, like Laura, Fabi will be moving out here soon! I'm so excited to see her again, and meet her new baby! Maybe in the brief time that we'll both be living here, some of that amazing cheerfulness will rub off on me, too. :) Heaven knows I'm too crabby a person by far, I could certainly use a dose of cheer. I love you, Fabi, and I can't wait to see you again!

That's it for the short list of the super-meaningful friendships, but that's not to say that the aforementioned ladies are my only friends. I've met all sorts of wonderful people over the years, and I get excited every time I run into an old friend somewhere. I'm so privileged to be moving all over the world with my husband, too, because I know that my list of friends will just continue to grow. Thank you to all of you who have been such a wonderful part of my life: Jenny, Stacey, Kelsey, Klissa, Kim, Rachel, Lindsey, Elisabeth, Megan, Raquel, Emily, Cammie, Amber, Beth, Katie, Amy, Angela, Anna, Cassie, Tami, Ellisa, Elsa, Leighanne, Jeimy, Liz.... and lots more! I love all of you! Thank you for being such a fantastic part of my life. :)

Thanksgiving - Monday

Today I'm going to talk about my amazing family! :)

I know, I mentioned my family in my last blog entry, but let's be honest. There's a good reason why the gospel is #1 on my list. It encompasses so many of the other important things in my life. Pretty much anything else I could write about would be tied in some way with my faith. It's because the gospel enhances all the blessings in my life, and makes them that much better.

Let's start at the very beginning. It is, after all, a very good place to start.

I, Cassandra, have been born to goodly parents. I want to emulate them in every way, especially now that I'm a parent myself. They taught me so well, through their words as well as their actions. I always knew I was loved. I always knew that I was safe. And I always knew that, no matter what, they would help me if I needed it. That's still true today - whenever I find myself in a jam (like this summer when I found out my car needed 4 new tires and we only had enough money to cover about half of it), they're more than willing to help. They don't rub it in my face, or roll their eyes, or mutter about my inability to take care of myself. They simply ask, "What do you need?" and give it to me. That's not to say that they give me whatever I want, regardless of consequences. They taught me well enough that I only ask for help if I truly need it. And I make sure to pay them back. They've taught me to be a responsible individual.

There were times, growing up, when I felt awkward and ugly. There were times when my peers would belittle me, make me feel worthless. There were times when I strongly disliked the face in the mirror. But there was never a time, in its smallest measure, where I felt that dislike in the eyes of my parents. Even at my ugliest and most awkward, all I saw in my parents' eyes was complete love. I knew, without a doubt, that they found me beautiful. To them, I was always special, and always worthwhile. Because of that, I don't have any self-esteem issues. Yes, there are things about my body and my self that I dislike - that's true of anyone. But as I've grown, I've learned how to carry myself with outward confidence, even when I felt unsure on the inside. It's amazing what confidence does for a person. I've never been the most beautiful girl in a room, I've never been the thinnest, or the most physically fit. But because of the confidence and love expressed by my parents, I've got good self-esteem. I've got confidence. It really goes a long way, and without my parents, I don't know that I ever could have managed to find it on my own.

Going along with that, my parents taught me the gospel. I not only felt and recognized their love for me, they taught me how to feel and recognize God's love. How can I not have good self-esteem, when I know for a fact that God Himself loves me? He loves me unconditionally, and in spite of all my shortcomings. My parents raised me with that knowledge, and for that I will always be grateful.

My Daddy always called me "sweetie" or "my love" when I was little. Even now, he still calls me by those pet names sometimes. It always meant a lot, coming from him. For twenty something years, he was the most important man in my life. Experiencing his love gave me hope that another man someday would be able to love me just as much, respect me just as much, and believe in me just as much. That was the kind of man I wanted to marry - someone just like my Dad. He was the standard against which all boyfriends were measured. If they weren't as good as my Dad, they weren't good enough. It was high standard, and it was absolutely worth it. I refused to settle for anything less, and that's how I ended up with Ben. He's everything I ever could have wished for and more. His similarities to my Dad are striking and endearing. Without my Dad's example, I might never have known that a man like Ben could exist.

I love my Dad more than words can explain. He has always treated my sister and I like princesses, and he treats my mother like a goddess. He's kind, loving, funny, dependable, generous, and more than a little weird - all good things! And he's the best Gaffer the world has ever known. My daughter loves him completely, and she's got him wrapped around her little finger. It makes me so proud, and happier than I could ever say.

My mother is a lady. She's always had a mature, genteel spirit. She was the calming influence in my life. I tend to be melodramatic, and she was awesome at tempering that side of me. That's not to say that she can't hold her own among her bizzare children, though.

My mom is still the person I turn to first when I need a woman to talk to. Aside from Ben, she's absolutely my best friend. She knows how to listen better than anyone I know. She's patient, calm and serene. I know that, when I'm dumping my emotional baggage on her, she's listening to me, loving me, and empathizing with me. She might be laughing at me on the inside, just a little bit, but she doesn't let it show. I appreciate that.

One of my favorite things about my Mom is the way she jumps right in with my siblings and I when we're having fun. For example, over christmas of '04, my sister and I were listening to the Chicago soundtrack and choreographing some random dance in the middle of the kitchen. My mom walked into the room and started boogeying down right along with us. It was awesome. That same christmas, my sister and I were having a joke-fight. It went something like this: "You're so weird." "Your face is weird!" "Your Mom's face is weird!" My mom came in, looked at us, and told us, "YOUR Mom's face is weird!" It was hilarious.

My mom has also given me the gift of quotes. She's excellent at applying movie quotes to everyday situations. My dad does it, too, but I see it from my mom more often. Give her a quote, and she can go back and forth for hours - especially if it's something like Princess Bride or While You Were Sleeping. When I met my husband and realized that he, too, was a movie quoter, I knew it was a match made in heaven. Sure enough, our three-year-old daughter has been quoting movies since she was old enough to talk. It's one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Major props go to my mom (and dad) for giving me that movie-quoting gene! It makes life so much more interesting. :)

On a more serious note, though, I love my mom. Making her and my dad proud is one of the most important things I can do in my life. There's nothing worse than the feeling that I've disappointed them somehow. They've given me everything. They've made me the person that I am. Their lives, especially my mom's, revolved around me and my siblings for decades. Their sacrifice has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. I love you, Mom and Dad. I hope you're proud of me. I'm definitely proud to be your daughter.

It's becoming increasingly apparent that if I try to blog about all my family members who are important to me, this blog entry is going to be comparable to a Victor Hugo novel. In the interest of keeping things short(er), I'm going to do a few shout-outs and then finish up this entry with the two most important people in my life.

My sister, Alyssa - You are my mini-mom. That's weird, I know, but it's true. I worry what you think of me. I want you to be proud of me. And when I can't get ahold of Mom and I need a woman's shoulder to cry on, you're the person I call. You have an amazing natural gift for empathy. You're kind, beautiful, and hilarious. I'm so impressed with the woman you've become. You're going to be the world's best mom someday when you and Lewis finally decide to have kids. And the elementary school kids you end up teaching will be so happy to have you as their teacher. All the other kids will be jealous. Speaking of kids and teaching, that brings me to your husband. He's a great guy, and while I'm still not entirely convinced that he's good enough for you, he definitely loves you more than anything else on the planet. And you, obviously, feel the same way about him. That fact alone would earn him my love and appreciation - any guy who truly loves you, like you deserve, must be a pretty good guy. On top of that, though, he's such a good fit with the rest of our family. He's great, and you guys are great together. I'm so happy for you, Lu, that you found the man of your dreams. You deserve it. I love you, sis.

My brother, Andrew - You may be younger than me, but over the years you've become the big brother I always wished I'd had. You've always watched out for me, and made sure that the boys I dated weren't punks. Your protectiveness was really sweet. You're also the funniest person I know. Your comics crack me up, and you would be a fantastic screenwriter, in my opinion - you're so funny! You're the only person I know who can make me spit my drink through my nose. Aside from all that, you're just a fantastic guy. You're handsome, strong, talented, and cuddly. ;) Your hugs are the best on the planet. Whatever woman marries you someday is going to have to be pretty spectacular to be worthy of you. And she'll be so lucky to have you. I know you probably don't think that, but it's really true. You're one of my absolute favorite people on the planet. I'm seriously lucky to have you as my brother. I love you. :)

My brother, Daniel - You were one of my best friends growing up, in spite of the 7-year gap in our ages. That's not to say that you were so mature that it felt like we were equals, you definitely know how to act your age. But maybe you brought me down to your level. ;) You've always been able to make me laugh, and I've always felt like I could tell you stuff, even when you were just a kid. I love that you and I look similar, because you're one good-looking dude. It makes me feel prettier than I actually am. Like Andrew, you're also one of the funniest guys on the planet. You two should take your act on the road - when we all get together, my face and stomach end up sore from all the laughing. You're also a sweet, sensitive guy, although you might not realize it. You've helped me through hard times, and I wish that I was better at doing the same for you. I know you've been struggling lately, and it's hard being so far away from you. I want to make everything in your life perfect for you, because you'll always be my baby brother and I'll always feel like I should be taking care of you. All I can say is, I love you. My heart and my home are always open to you, if ever you should need them.

My brother, Joseph - In some ways, this is the hardest one to write. I moved out to college when you were only a newborn, so I don't feel like I know you as well as I know our other siblings. What I know of you, though, I love. You're a sweet, funny kid. You're super smart, very creative, and the fastest runner I've ever seen. Evie absolutely idolizes you. She spends a lot of her time being "Joseph" because she wants to be just like you. You're so lucky that you get to spend so much time overseas, in places like Romania, Kenya, and Urugay. I know you probably don't feel lucky now, but someday you'll be grateful that you got to live so many places. It's hard when you're younger and you have to leave your friends behind every time you move. I know, I remember it well. But the experiences you have will make you into a truly incredible adult. Have fun while you're young, enjoy the different people you meet and places you see. Childhood is something that most people don't appreciate until it's over, and it's too late. Have as much fun as you can! I love you, and I'm excited that you'll be living here in the States next year so we can visit you. :)

My aunts and uncles - A lot of you have been more like older siblings to me than like aunts and uncles (especially Kathi and Kristi). I always feel welcomed and loved when I come to visit you, and I really appreciate that. With my parents living overseas most of the time, it's wonderful that I have so much support and love from my extended family. I love you and appreciate you all so much.

My grandparents - For me, the memories I have of going to visit my grandparents are some of the best. Roy, Utah and Idaho Falls, Idaho are happy places for me, because I was always so happy when I was visiting you all. I've never doubted that you all love me, and I love you too. You're the best grandparents a kid could have.

My in-laws - First off, I am eternally grateful to all of you for making Ben into the man he is today. I couldn't ask for a better husband, and I know that he is the person that he is because of your influence. Secondly, you have always made me feel like a part of the family. You welcomed me with open arms, right off the bat. Ben's sisters and brothers feel like my own, and his parents have become my parents, too. I'm grateful that I haven't had to face any of the stereotypical in-law horror stories you read about in books or see on TV. You're my family, and I love you. I'm so blessed to have married into your family, I couldn't ask for better in-laws.

That's it for the shout-outs, but the blog is far from done. There are two people that I still need to talk about, who are even more important to me than the family I've already mentioned. I'll try not to be long-winded about it, though.

My daughter, Evie, is the most amazing kid on the planet. She's friendly, sweet, imaginative, smart, loving, and completely gorgeous. I honestly can't imagine that there's a better child, anywhere in the world. I have no idea how I was somehow lucky enough to be her mother, but I'm definitely glad I am. I just hope that I'm worthy to be her mom - that I can teach her and guide her through her life, and help her become the amazing woman she has the potential to be.

Evie always wants to be around me, which amazes me even as it exhausts me. She doesn't recognize that I'm an imperfect being, unworthy of her complete, unconditional love. Her love for me is complete and unconditional. She wants to be around me all the time. I'm the first person she finds when she wakes up in the morning, and the last person she wants to see when she goes to sleep at night. She rarely plays in her room during the day. Instead, she brings her toys with her to wherever I am, and plays with/near me. That's not to say that she can't have fun without me - we go to the playground, or on playdates regularly. She plays fine with other kids, and has lots of friends. Evie just chooses to spend a lot of her free time with me. I'm not all that fun, so she must love me!

One of my absolute favorite things about Evie is the way she looks. When I was pregnant with her and people asked who I hoped she'd look like, I always told them I wanted her to look like her Daddy, just in a feminine and pretty way. Ben's such a good-looking guy, and his sisters are so beautiful, I wanted my daughter to look like them. As I mentioned earlier, I have pretty good self-esteem, but I've always thought Ben was better looking than me. When Evie was born, though, it became apparent pretty quickly that she's a tiny copy of me. Her baby pictures and mine are startlingly similar. At first I held out hope that her eyes would turn blue, but they darkened into a brown that match mine.

In spite of her looking like me, though, (maybe even because of it) she was and is 100% gorgeous! It made me see more of the beauty in my own face, looking at her. The fact that she looks like me has actually boosted my own self-esteem. And it makes me crazy proud. This incredible, angelic creature has my eyes, my face. She's more beautiful than I can possibly express - and she looks like me! I always swell with pride when people tell me that. I can't imagine her with her Daddy's eyes or nose, because she's Evie. And Evie looks like her Mommy. And I absolutely love that fact.

She's my angel. I'm actually scared that our future kids will be a disappointment after Evie, she's set the bar so high! I know that it won't actually happen that way, but there's a tiny part of my mind that wonders. Evie danced before she walked, she was quoting movies before she could really talk, she sings, she creates, she amazes. She's perfect. There's not a single thing about her that I would change. I love her more than pretty much anything in this world. I would do anything for her. I would scale mountains, ford rivers, crawl across deserts, do whatever it takes to keep her safe and happy. She's my world. I love her so much.

Finally, I can't end this blog without talking about the single most important person in my life here on Earth. Obviously, I'm talking about my husband, Ben.

I never in a million years would have imagined that my life could be this happy. Ben makes me happier than I ever knew I could be. Without him, I wouldn't be a complete person. He is my better half, the half that I can't live without.

Ben is the sweetest, most gentle man on the planet. He never raises his voice when he's mad. He thinks before he talks. He has a patience like I've never seen before. He is so many things that I wish I could be. Slowly, but surely, I'm learning to have those qualities, too. He makes me a better person in every way.

One of the best things about Ben is that he's completely selfless. I wish I was as good at that as he is. I worry that I take him for granted sometimes, because he's so willing to do things for me. If I ask him to do a chore around the house, he does it. If I ask him to put Evie to bed for me, he does it. If I ask him to come to the grocery store with me, even though I know he hates grocery shopping, he'll come. Even stuff that we both hate to do, he'll do it. He'll do it because he knows that I don't like to, and he wants me to be happy. He's probably the most Christlike man I've ever known.

Why he decided to marry me is beyond me. I don't deserve him. He's a better person than I am on so many levels. Yet, somehow, he has me on a pedestal! I figure all I can do is spend eternity trying to love him as completely and selflessly as he loves me. He's my heart, my soul, my everything. I love him more than I thought I could ever love anyone, and that loves grows by leaps and bounds daily. I'm so happy that I get to spend eternity with him. "Happy" isn't even an adequate word. It goes way, way beyond that.

As you can see, I am blessed. I have a family that is a thousand times better than I deserve. I'm surrounded by people who love me and want me to be happy. I feel joy every day of my life, thanks to my family. I love you guys forever, to the end of time and beyond. Thank you for everything you've done for me. And thank you again to my Heavenly Father, for blessing me so richly, beyond what I deserve. I am truly blessed.

Thanksgiving - Sunday

Today in church, my friend was giving a talk. She mentioned that a friend of hers had been writing a blog entry every day this month, in honor of Thanksgiving, discussing things they were thankful for. I thought it was a great idea, but obviously, I'm a little late in getting started. So for this week, up until Thanksgiving, I'm going to try and write one entry a day about things I'm grateful for.

Obviously, the thing I'm the most grateful for is the gospel. I've lived a blissfully happy life, thanks to the Church. That's not to say my life has been super easy, I've had ups and downs like any normal person. But because of the gospel, the downs haven't been as bad as they might have been, and the ups have been more up than most people get to experience.

Let me give an example: My husband is in the military. If it weren't for the gospel, I couldn't deal with that. I don't do well alone, and people serving in the military often spend months at a time away from their families. On top of the loneliness, there's the constant worry that something will happen to him - mostly, that he'll be killed. I don't like to think about it, but I know that if something happens, I will see him again. Even if he dies, I know for a fact that I'll be with him forever in the next life - and that our marriage will stilll be valid. He'll be my husband, and I'll be his wife, for eternity. That knowledge softens the sting of death.

My family is the greatest gift in my life. I imagine that most people feel the same way. I'm one of the lucky few, however, who has the true gospel in my life. I've been sealed to my husband, my children, my siblings, and my parents for time and eternity. I'll be with them forever! Who wouldn't want that? It makes the agony of death a lot more bearable. The sorrow that comes with the death of a loved one is a sorrow stemming from the pain of separation, rather than from the despair of permanent loss and the fear of death itself (and what lies beyond). In my church, funerals are sad, but they're also a celebration of life and an expression of faith.

Through the smaller trials of life, as well, I find that the gospel makes them easier. All I have to do when I'm upset, worried or scared is drop to my knees and pray, and I find peace. I increase that peace and faith by reading my scriptures for guidance and understanding, and trials are lessened further. Again, this doesn't take the pain completely away, but it becomes bearable. I feel Christ helping to shoulder my burden and lighten my load. I feel His arms around me, giving me strength. And I feel His and my Heavenly Father's love speaking peace to my heart. Through my trials, my faith is tested and strengthened. I understand that it's necessary for me to go through hard times in order for me to become the person God wants me to be. It's up to me whether those trials tear me apart or make me stronger.

On the flipside, by living my life according to the standards taught in the Church, I'm happier in general. I don't smoke, drink, take drugs, or put anything else in my body that might harm it. This means that I don't have to worry about hangovers, or having my life controlled by unhealthy cravings. I don't have to worry about the diseases and harm that would come to my body through those practices. I also try to avoid putting things in my mind that would harm me, like violent or pornographic images. Those kinds of things tend to stick around, and taint one's point of view. They're hard to forget. So I avoid them - it makes my mind a happier place. :)

My husband and I both live chaste lives. That means that we avoided premarital sex before we got married, and now that we are married, we're completely and 100% faithful to each other. We don't have to worry about STD's, because neither of us has ever slept with anyone but one another. That makes it all the more special, as well. Virtue is a rapidly decreasing commodity in this world. It's a rare gift, indeed, and the greatest gift that one human being can give another. Too many people throw their virginity away these days, at the least suggestion. Because my husband and I have reserved ourselves only for one another, that makes our marriage stronger, deeper, and more meaningful than I imagine marriages are for other people. Going with that, since we've committed ourselves to one another for eternity, divorce is a lot less likely than it is with the rest of the world. I have complete faith in my husband and his love for me, and vice versa. That makes us happier than we would be without the gospel in our lives.

I'm not saying that other people are definitely less happy than us. I wouldn't know about that. It's entirely possible that there are lots of non-members who are every bit as secure and joyful in their marriages as I am. If that's so, though, wouldn't they be even happier if they could be sealed to their spouses and children for eternity? That's really the greatest of all the gifts of the gospel. My family will be my family FOREVER! When our lives end, and we meet again in heaven, we'll recognize each other. We'll remember each other. And our love for one another will not have decreased a bit. Best of all, we'll still be able to claim one another as spouses, children, siblings, and parents. If I'm going to live forever, I certainly want the people I love more than anything in this world with me. Through the gospel, I can have that.

Now, none of this is to say that people in my church don't screw up. We make mistakes. People make bad decisions, hurt the people they love, lose their way. I've seen temple marriages dissolve. I've seen family members hurt one another. I've seen people I love, even, lose their faith and start down dark paths in their lives. We aren't perfect people. We're trying to get there (to where we're perfect), but we won't be able to. Not in this life. Someday, maybe, during our eternity in heaven, we'll get to the point where we don't screw things up anymore. But that's not going to happen in this life. Everybody makes mistakes. Through the gospel, though, we can repent. Because of Christ's sacrifice in the garden of Gethsemane, we can fix our mistakes and be forgiven. When we repent, it's as if our bad choices never happened! We wipe the slate clean. Christ suffered the punishment for everybody's sins when He suffered in the garden. He did that so we could receive mercy. Why would we want to waste that gift? He already paid the price for our sins, so we don't have to. He did it so we could go home to our Father in Heaven after we die. Without His sacrifice, we'd never, ever be good enough.

What a blessing, that we can repent of our sins! We can be forgiven. God knew we were going to screw up left and right, and He fixed things so that we could return to Him in spite of all that. That's not a gift that I'm willing to waste. And I can live a happier life through repentance, because I won't be burdened down by the guilt of all my mistakes. That's definitely a better way to live.

So this Thanksgiving, the blessing topping my "Things I'm Grateful For" list is the gospel, first and foremost. Without the gospel, none of the other blessings in my life would mean quite as much as they do. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the most important thing in my life. I don't know how I was so lucky to be raised in a family where the gospel was already established, but I'm eternally grateful that I was. My life is full of joy, and love, and peace because of the gospel. I'd wager that I'm one of the happiest people on the planet. I just wish everyone could feel the same joy in their everyday lives that I experience.

If you're reading this blog, and you're not familiar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I would absolutely encourage you to go to lds.org or mormon.org and learn more. We have wonderful young men and women all over the world who can teach you everything you need to know, right in the comfort of your own home. They can answer your questions, and help you bring the gospel into your own life. I guarantee you that you will not regret it. It will make your life happier than you can possibly imagine. It won't always be easier, but it will absolutely be worth it.

Thank you, Heavenly Father. Thank you for my life, for my family, for the gospel. I owe you, and the Savior, everything - though I know I'll never be able to repay you. My life is yours. I know that whatever your plan is for me, it will make me happier than I could ever imagine. I'm eternally grateful. I just hope that over the course of my life, I can bring more of your children to a knowledge of the gospel, so they can know the same kind of joy in their lives that I do.

Thank you. For everything.

Christmas play

I got put in charge of the program at the ward Christmas party this year. I wrote a small 20-25 minute play, complete with nativity and musical numbers. Originally the couple in the show were a husband and wife, but the number of couples in the ward willing to act together equalled exactly zero. I had a few individuals willing to help out, though. But let's face it, having two people who are NOT married act in a christmas program as a couple that IS married is kind of weird. In the professional world, no problem. In the strictly amateur world of church Christmas programs, it's weird.

What was a girl to do??? The only option I could see was doing the program myself, with my husband, since we're apparently the only couple in the ward who both enjoy acting. I didn't want to do that, though. I'm already writing the play, directing it, and doing a musical number. If I actually PERFORM the entire show as well, that would be a bit much. It would no longer be the ward Christmas program. It would be "A Very Special Fifield Christmas." I didn't feel good about that. I didn't take this job to show off my mad skills. I took this job so that I could do something nice for the ward Christmas party.

I realized the solution today, in the car, after spending several minutes after the Primary program practice at church trying to wheedle several couples to star in my show, all of whom said no.

It was so simple! All I had to do was change the show. Not the lines necessarily, not the format, not the musical numbers. All I had to do was change the relationship of the two main characters. Instead of a husband and wife, why not a brother and sister? Then ANY two people in the ward could do it!

So change it I did! Here is the new and improved version of the play, as will be performed by my good friend Klissa and my husband, Ben (who, let's face it, is a good actor and looks similar enough to Klissa that they could pass for siblings) (and I live with him and can force him to practice his lines if need be =D).


(Siblings Jenny and Paul are sitting at home together. Jenny is stressing out about all the things she needs to get done before Christmas. Paul is reading a book.)

Jenny: I’m never going to get it all done! I still have to bake cookies for our FHE group, wrap my presents for the family, help Becky Simmons with her music for the Christmas party, take dinner over to the Masons…

Paul: Jenny, calm down! I’ll help you get it done. I hate it when you’re stressed out. Christmas is supposed to be about peace on earth.

Jenny: It’s supposed to be, yes, but somehow it always manages to be one of the busiest, most stressful times of the year. (sighs and sits down) It’s just hard to feel Christmas spirit sometimes, you know?

Paul: Look, maybe you should just focus more on the holiday itself, and less on the busy stuff. What does Christmas mean to you?

Jenny: Paul, I don’t have time for this.

Paul: Come on, humor me.

Jenny: (rolling her eyes) I… I guess it means… Christmas carols, and baking cookies, and spending time with family…?

Paul: What else?

Jenny: Well, there’s doing charity work, giving gifts to show people you love them, stuff like that.

Paul: Is that all?

Jenny: Ummm… Christmas decorations, Christmas trees, Santa Claus…?

Paul: Okay, those are all great, but just think about it for a second. You’re forgetting the most obvious thing.

Jenny: (thinks for a minute, then realizes) The birth of the Savior. Of course.

Paul: Right. The birth of the Savior. Compared to that, the other stuff really doesn’t matter. Christmas is about Christ.

(Musical number, Joy to the World)

Jenny: It is a pretty fantastic reason to celebrate. When did you get so smart?

Paul: I’ve always been this smart!

Jenny: (laughing) Whatever! (thoughtfully)You know what I want to do right now? I want to read the nativity story in the scriptures.

(Paul and Jenny pick up their scriptures, open them, and look at them together. Narrator reads Mosiah 3:5-8, then Luke 2:1, 3-7. Mary and Joseph enter and take their places around the manger. Narrator reads Luke 2:8-16. Shepherds and Sheep enter and take their places around the manger. Narrator reads Matthew 2: 1-2, 9-11. Wise men enter and take their places around the manger. Narrator reads Alma 7:10-12, then Isaiah 9:6. The children sing Away in a Manger. All exit except Paul and Jenny)

Paul: How amazing is it that Christ came here, to this earth? He taught us, He atoned for our sins, and He died for us. He did all of it for us. I can’t even comprehend that kind of love.

Jenny: I keep thinking about Mary. Can you imagine what those first moments in the stable must have been like for her? To look at this tiny baby in your arms, and know that he’s literally the Son of God? I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for her.

(Musical number, Mary Did You Know?)

Jenny: Thanks for reminding me that Christmas is about the Savior. I guess I was too caught up in all of the busy stuff to remember that.

Paul: Just so you know, I think it’s great that you’re trying to do so many good things for people. Christmas is about goodwill and charity. So don’t stop doing the “busy stuff.” Just make sure that your focus is on Christ. I think everything else will fall into place if you’re doing that.

Jenny: It’ll probably be a lot less stressful, too, which is obviously a good thing.

Paul: Seriously! You’re kind of scary when you’re stressed out.

Jenny: Nice, thank you. (She hits him playfully. They both laugh)

(They stand up, and he puts his arm around her)

Paul: I love you, sis.

Jenny: I love you too, big brother. Merry Christmas.

(They exit. Musical number, Silent Night)

A Crafty Conference

This year during General Conference, I did several crafts. I always do, because it keeps my hands busy so I'm awake and alert, without using so much of my attention that I can't focus on the talks. So I tend to save a lot of my craft ideas for conference time. It is, after 8 hours long all together, so I need plenty to work on.

This year, I decided that I needed more Thanksgiving decorations. I wanted to paint some ceramics, but they're kind of pricey and I didn't know where to find a good ceramic shop. So instead, I bought some foam balls, various colors of felt, and some googley eyes. Along with those, I used some toothpicks and a glue gun to create an adorable Thanksgiving turkey! It was all improvised, so I had to figure out a lot of it myself, but I think it turned out pretty well. I even glued nickels to the bottoms of the feet to give it some weight so it wouldn't tip over easily.

After the turkey, I painted a fun fall wreath for our door. I bought it with the wire already attached and the leaf cutouts already put together, it only needed some paint. I like how it turned out. Fall is my favorite season, and I was wanting something cute to put on our door. Mission: accomplished!

Next I made some new hair bows for Evie. I wanted her to have some plain black ones. I couldn't find ribbon the width that I wanted, but this was good enough. I really love the way the tiny red-and-black ones turned out, though, they're SO cute. In fact, the other day I made some more that same size in purple and pink for a baby shower gift. They're a good size for a baby girl, especially one with lots of hair.

Anyway, that's it for my conference crafts. And conference itself was great, too. I can't wait to get the talks in the Ensign next month, too, so I can go over them and study them. I'm a visual learner, so having them in print is a huge help for me. I love listening to conference, too, though. There's such a strong spirit, and the church leaders we hear from always have so much wisdom to offer.

Now, what am I going to do for my crafts in April....?

FHE Treasure Hunt

Tonight for FHE I decided to do a lesson on families. Evie has a thing for pirates, so I thought it would be fun to make it a treasure hunt. Evie even dressed up like a pirate for the occasion with a bandanna and sword, as you can see by the picture. Horton is also a pirate. Apparently the toy hamster is supposed to be his sword. Anyway...

Every clue corresponded with a person in the family and a job that they do to help the family as a whole. These were the clues I made up:

Evie has lots of fun toys in her room. When she plays with them, she’s making our family better because she’s learning to use her imagination and she’s having fun! For your next clue, find an orange kitty that Evie loves to play with!

Daddy works very hard. He earns money that helps us buy food, clothes, and toys. He helps our family when he goes to work. To find your next clue, look for daddy’s boots!

Mama needs to be strong and healthy in order to take care of her family. It’s hard to take care of other people if you can’t take care of yourself. Where does Mama go to do her exercising?

Evie eats healthy food every day so she can grow, grow, grow! By eating her food, she’s making good choices that help keep her and her family strong. Where does Evie like to eat her food?

Daddy likes to relax after work. Sometimes he reads good books. They help him learn new things that he can teach to his family, to make everybody smarter! For your next clue, look where Daddy keeps his books.

One of the things Mama does for her family is cook them dinner. She does this to serve them, and to show them love. It strengthens our family. Where does Mama keep the pots and pans?


The treasure chest was in the pot cupboard. It was full of gold and silver-wrapped candies, along with a picture of our family and the quote, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." - Luke 12:34

I ended the lesson bearing my testimony about families, and how they're our greatest treasure, and how we all have to do our part to make it the best it can be. :) Anyway, I thought it was a great idea, and it went really well. Surprisingly, after the first clue, Evie totally understood how the whole treasure hunt thing worked, and even figured out most of the clues without help. She's a total smartie! I'm so proud. :)

Dreams

Last night, Ben brought me a pregnancy test and told me to take it. It was one of those new-fangled computer chip types. I went ahead and took it. While I was waiting for my results, the test made several offers to me (online colleges, book-of-the-month clubs), which I declined. Suddenly a big notice flashed on the screen, "Your results are in!"

The screen showed a little video clip of a woman dressed as a mail carrier. She smiled into the camera, and displayed a package marked "Special Delivery."

"Congratulations!" she said. "Your own special delivery is on its way!" Then the screen went blank except for the word, "PREGNANT."

I was shocked. The test was positive. Finally, FINALLY I was pregnant!

I threw open the bathroom door and told Ben the good news. The look that crossed his face was one of disbelief, hope, and incredible joy. He swept me up in his arms and hugged me as we cried into each others' shoulders. After almost two years of waiting, we were finally pregnant.

As the tears of joy flowed down my face, I realized that I was dreaming. I hadn't actually taken a pregnancy test, although the time was drawing very near that I could. I woke up, my heart pounding, feeling an overwhelming sense of disappointment. I wiped the tears off my face and lay back in my bed, contemplating my dream.

It had felt so real. And most months, waiting to find out if I was pregnant or not, I dreamed of blood, cramps, and frustration - which then would come to pass. Never before had I dreamed of such a joyful result. So this felt like a sign to me.

I couldn't go back to sleep anyway, not with the way my heart was racing, so I went into the bathroom and pulled out one of the pregnancy tests I had stashed there. It was just a cheap dollar store test, but I had it on good authority that they were effective. And, since I've been taking so many over the past couple of years, it seemed like a good idea to buy several.

I took the test, and while I waited for the result, I prayed. I prayed that I was finally pregnant, that the dream had been a sign; I prayed that the test would give me the true answer, one way or the other; and I prayed that if, once again, I wasn't pregnant, my heart wouldn't break. I prayed for faith, for optimism, for strength, and for hope for next month - assuming I would have to try again next month.

After a few minutes of fervent prayer, I checked the test.

Negative.

I guess my dream wasn't a sign after all. It was just a beautiful, wonderful, heartbreaking dream.

But, maybe next time it won't be.

Clearly...

It's been too long since I last blogged. I have to admit, though, that I have been pretty busy. There have been lunches, vacations, car wrecks, tender moments, hectic travels, and even a few deaths. It's been life as usual, only x10.

Back at the beginning of June, my mom-in-law and brother-in-law came for a quick visit on their way across the country. About an hour after leaving our house and heading west, they lost control of the car and rolled it. It was completely totaled. Ben went and picked them up (miraculously unhurt, other than a few bruises, contusions, and a little blood), and after they rested for awhile I helped them pick up a rental car. Mom couldn't drive the last 19 hours of the trip on her own, though, and Daniel was too young to drive a rental car. So I drove with them, then flew back to Oklahoma the next morning.

That was car wreck #1. In the following weeks, my cousin Diane totaled a car, as did my little sister's sister-in-law - in stop and go traffic, no less! The guy who hit her was CLEARLY not paying attention. My friend Heather's brother got in a motorcycle accident, and I think there are a few others that I'm not remembering at the moment. They say bad stuff comes in threes, but at the moment it feels more like sevens or eights.

Then Ed McMahon died (you know, the guy with the giant checks?), followed by Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and Billy Mays. All fairly well-known celebrities - especially Michael Jackson, who has been a pop icon for decades and was only 50 years old. That was weird news to hear.

Then in the real world, a pair of sisters I know lost their mother, and one of my favorite college roommates lost her little brother. It's crazy! All this sad stuff happening - it's madness! Madness!

There have been good times, too, though. I've been on vacation with my mom and baby brother for about a month. My dad was with us for the first two weeks, as well, which was awesome. I only get to see my family once a year or so, and while it's hard being away from Ben (he had to stay and finish his T-6 training in Oklahoma), it's worth it to see my family. We went to Branson, Missouri for a week and had a lot of fun going to shows and mini-amusement parks and such. Then we had our family reunion in Idaho, followed by time in Utah with my sibs and Fourth of July celebrations. Then we came BACK up to Idaho to spend time with my mom's fam, which has been fun. We've played games, gone swimming, eaten out, and even had a girls' night out with my mom, aunts, and Grandma. You haven't lived til you've been bested by your grandmother at bowling, let me tell you.And Evie had been in top form. We were driving in the car one night, and she told me, "Mama, the moon is following us. It's intolerable!" I was a little shocked to hear such a big word come out of such a small person, so I double checked that I hadn't misunderstood. "Intolerable, Evie? Is that what you said?" "Yes, Mama. It's intolerable." I cracked up. What a funny kid!

Then, a few days ago, a sippy cup fell and hit her on the leg. She cried a little and asked for a band-aid. I told her she didn't need one because she wasn't bleeding. Mom reached over with a Hershey kiss and handed it to her, saying, "A kiss is all you need to make it better." So Evie accepted the chocolate, pulled up her pant leg, and placed the Hershey kiss on the boo-boo. After a few minutes of silence (aside from my anguished attempts to not let Evie hear my laughter), she said, "That's better. Can I eat it now, Mama?" Of course, I told her yes.

She's gotten darn good at jumping on the trampoline, too. I've managed to get a few decent shots of her in mid-air. I can't believe how big she's getting!

Anyway, today we head back to Utah for 3 days, in which time we plan to: Go and see the new Harry Potter movie; go to the Distribution Center and buy new garments; have lunch with my sibs-in-law; have lunch with my college roommates; go to my brothers' apartment and scan some illustrations; use Photoshop to put together a book; get that book printed at Carol's Copy Center (where I used to work); go visit my granny; go to Borders and spend my gift card; spend a lot of fun time with Lyssa and Daniel; and several other things, I'm sure. THREE DAYS!!! But then I get to drive home and see my hubby, who I miss desperately. So at least my busy schedule will make time fly. :)

Anyway, there you have it. Everything above adds to my lack of blogging over the past month. I hope I'll be forgiven. My guess is, once I get home to Oklahoma and my schedule frees up some, I'll be writing a lot more. Especially since I'm going to see Wicked in a week and a half, and that will definitely be worth writing about. Huzzah!

Sunday Thoughts

We didn't get to go to church today, because Ben's mom and brother were in a car accident and we needed to help them out. Apparently their car was completely totaled, beyond repair. But the two of them walked away from it almost completely unhurt. Daniel (Ben's brother) has lacerations, but as far as I've heard, that's it.

It's a miracle that neither of them was seriously injured or killed.

A lot of people don't believe in miracles anymore, and this boggles my mind. Miracles happen every day. Maybe the fact that they DO happen has made people desensitized to them. But that just seems silly to me. There are lots of people out there who say "Look at the world around you. With all the pain, hate, and evil, how can you believe that there's a God?" I say, "Look at the world around you. With all the love, beauty and miracles that you see every day, how can you believe there ISN'T a God?"

People are so quick to judge God. They say, "If there was a God, He wouldn't let bad things happen." But then, if something wonderful happens (a miracle), their response is, "Well that was good luck!"

Seriously, give credit where credit is due. Bad things happen because bad people exist. They make bad choices, and do bad things that negatively effect other people. God is not to blame for these people's choices. They are free to do good or evil, just as all of us are.

Sometimes bad things happen that aren't caused by bad people. Storms destroy homes, fires consume lives, things fall and crush people... sometimes tragedy strikes, and there's no one to blame. So people blame God. This, I can understand a little better, but it still seems foolish to me. Yes, God could prevent ALL tragedies if He wanted to. But that's not how He works. He allows us to suffer so that we have the opportunity to grow. If He protected us from every bad thing, we would never learn anything. We would never become better, stronger people. And we would never show our true colors if we weren't tested. When bad things happen, rather than place blame and curse God, maybe people should try asking themselves, "How can I turn this into a positive?"

I'm not saying that we should be constantly happy. Mourning and sadness have an important role in our lives. They can strengthen us as well. And, if we never knew sorrow, we could never truly know happiness. It's a good thing, to mourn things. But it's not a good thing to hold on to that pain and make it central to your life. Do your mourning, be sad for awhile, then move on. Grow. Learn from what happened, and be supportive of those around you who are also going through hard times.

The thing is, the kinds of people who curse God for their troubles are the kinds of people who don't see God as the loving Father that He is. They don't realize that, when they're suffering, He is feeling their pain. He understands their sorrow, and He mourns with them. He loves us, and THAT'S why He allows bad things to happen. So that we can become the best people we can possibly be, and become more like Him.

Going back to my original thought - giving credit where it's due - God does so much for us. He gives us love, family, and friendships. He helps us live up to our potential, by giving us a body and a brain. He gives us opportunities to improve ourselves. He gives us beautiful flowers, plants, animals, mountains, and oceans. And every day, if you pay attention, you can see Him performing miracles.

He performed a miracle today, when He saved my in-laws. He performed a miracle the day my daughter was born, when she entered the world 100% healthy and perfect, and I suffered no complications myself. He performs miracles each and every day. They happen all around us.

But from the cynics who choose to blame Him for all life's problems, He gets no credit.

I was singing "I Stand All Amazed" today, and one line hit me particularly hard. It was the line, "Such mercy, such love and devotion, can I forget?"

As I've mentioned before on my blog, we're having a hard time getting pregnant. We've been trying for more than a year and a half, and still have had no luck. This is one of our biggest trials at the moment, and there have been times when I've felt extremely impatient. I've even had a few moments of anger at God, because I know that He has it in His power to give me another child at any time.

As I sang that line today, it struck me that I HAVE been forgetting. God sent Christ to earth, to suffer and die to save me from my sins. He sacrificed His only begotten son, in order to save the rest of us. I can't imagine what it must be like, watching your child be murdered by your other children - the ones you're trying to save. And Christ was completely forgiving. He didn't place blame, or curse God. He simply said, "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."

We are SO LOVED. God loves us, Christ loves us, and they both bless us constantly. To say otherwise is to do them a huge disservice.

I personally have a testimony that God loves me. He blesses me every day.

"Such mercy, such love and devotion, can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat
Until at the glorified throne, I kneel at His feet."