Thanksgiving - Monday

Today I'm going to talk about my amazing family! :)

I know, I mentioned my family in my last blog entry, but let's be honest. There's a good reason why the gospel is #1 on my list. It encompasses so many of the other important things in my life. Pretty much anything else I could write about would be tied in some way with my faith. It's because the gospel enhances all the blessings in my life, and makes them that much better.

Let's start at the very beginning. It is, after all, a very good place to start.

I, Cassandra, have been born to goodly parents. I want to emulate them in every way, especially now that I'm a parent myself. They taught me so well, through their words as well as their actions. I always knew I was loved. I always knew that I was safe. And I always knew that, no matter what, they would help me if I needed it. That's still true today - whenever I find myself in a jam (like this summer when I found out my car needed 4 new tires and we only had enough money to cover about half of it), they're more than willing to help. They don't rub it in my face, or roll their eyes, or mutter about my inability to take care of myself. They simply ask, "What do you need?" and give it to me. That's not to say that they give me whatever I want, regardless of consequences. They taught me well enough that I only ask for help if I truly need it. And I make sure to pay them back. They've taught me to be a responsible individual.

There were times, growing up, when I felt awkward and ugly. There were times when my peers would belittle me, make me feel worthless. There were times when I strongly disliked the face in the mirror. But there was never a time, in its smallest measure, where I felt that dislike in the eyes of my parents. Even at my ugliest and most awkward, all I saw in my parents' eyes was complete love. I knew, without a doubt, that they found me beautiful. To them, I was always special, and always worthwhile. Because of that, I don't have any self-esteem issues. Yes, there are things about my body and my self that I dislike - that's true of anyone. But as I've grown, I've learned how to carry myself with outward confidence, even when I felt unsure on the inside. It's amazing what confidence does for a person. I've never been the most beautiful girl in a room, I've never been the thinnest, or the most physically fit. But because of the confidence and love expressed by my parents, I've got good self-esteem. I've got confidence. It really goes a long way, and without my parents, I don't know that I ever could have managed to find it on my own.

Going along with that, my parents taught me the gospel. I not only felt and recognized their love for me, they taught me how to feel and recognize God's love. How can I not have good self-esteem, when I know for a fact that God Himself loves me? He loves me unconditionally, and in spite of all my shortcomings. My parents raised me with that knowledge, and for that I will always be grateful.

My Daddy always called me "sweetie" or "my love" when I was little. Even now, he still calls me by those pet names sometimes. It always meant a lot, coming from him. For twenty something years, he was the most important man in my life. Experiencing his love gave me hope that another man someday would be able to love me just as much, respect me just as much, and believe in me just as much. That was the kind of man I wanted to marry - someone just like my Dad. He was the standard against which all boyfriends were measured. If they weren't as good as my Dad, they weren't good enough. It was high standard, and it was absolutely worth it. I refused to settle for anything less, and that's how I ended up with Ben. He's everything I ever could have wished for and more. His similarities to my Dad are striking and endearing. Without my Dad's example, I might never have known that a man like Ben could exist.

I love my Dad more than words can explain. He has always treated my sister and I like princesses, and he treats my mother like a goddess. He's kind, loving, funny, dependable, generous, and more than a little weird - all good things! And he's the best Gaffer the world has ever known. My daughter loves him completely, and she's got him wrapped around her little finger. It makes me so proud, and happier than I could ever say.

My mother is a lady. She's always had a mature, genteel spirit. She was the calming influence in my life. I tend to be melodramatic, and she was awesome at tempering that side of me. That's not to say that she can't hold her own among her bizzare children, though.

My mom is still the person I turn to first when I need a woman to talk to. Aside from Ben, she's absolutely my best friend. She knows how to listen better than anyone I know. She's patient, calm and serene. I know that, when I'm dumping my emotional baggage on her, she's listening to me, loving me, and empathizing with me. She might be laughing at me on the inside, just a little bit, but she doesn't let it show. I appreciate that.

One of my favorite things about my Mom is the way she jumps right in with my siblings and I when we're having fun. For example, over christmas of '04, my sister and I were listening to the Chicago soundtrack and choreographing some random dance in the middle of the kitchen. My mom walked into the room and started boogeying down right along with us. It was awesome. That same christmas, my sister and I were having a joke-fight. It went something like this: "You're so weird." "Your face is weird!" "Your Mom's face is weird!" My mom came in, looked at us, and told us, "YOUR Mom's face is weird!" It was hilarious.

My mom has also given me the gift of quotes. She's excellent at applying movie quotes to everyday situations. My dad does it, too, but I see it from my mom more often. Give her a quote, and she can go back and forth for hours - especially if it's something like Princess Bride or While You Were Sleeping. When I met my husband and realized that he, too, was a movie quoter, I knew it was a match made in heaven. Sure enough, our three-year-old daughter has been quoting movies since she was old enough to talk. It's one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Major props go to my mom (and dad) for giving me that movie-quoting gene! It makes life so much more interesting. :)

On a more serious note, though, I love my mom. Making her and my dad proud is one of the most important things I can do in my life. There's nothing worse than the feeling that I've disappointed them somehow. They've given me everything. They've made me the person that I am. Their lives, especially my mom's, revolved around me and my siblings for decades. Their sacrifice has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. I love you, Mom and Dad. I hope you're proud of me. I'm definitely proud to be your daughter.

It's becoming increasingly apparent that if I try to blog about all my family members who are important to me, this blog entry is going to be comparable to a Victor Hugo novel. In the interest of keeping things short(er), I'm going to do a few shout-outs and then finish up this entry with the two most important people in my life.

My sister, Alyssa - You are my mini-mom. That's weird, I know, but it's true. I worry what you think of me. I want you to be proud of me. And when I can't get ahold of Mom and I need a woman's shoulder to cry on, you're the person I call. You have an amazing natural gift for empathy. You're kind, beautiful, and hilarious. I'm so impressed with the woman you've become. You're going to be the world's best mom someday when you and Lewis finally decide to have kids. And the elementary school kids you end up teaching will be so happy to have you as their teacher. All the other kids will be jealous. Speaking of kids and teaching, that brings me to your husband. He's a great guy, and while I'm still not entirely convinced that he's good enough for you, he definitely loves you more than anything else on the planet. And you, obviously, feel the same way about him. That fact alone would earn him my love and appreciation - any guy who truly loves you, like you deserve, must be a pretty good guy. On top of that, though, he's such a good fit with the rest of our family. He's great, and you guys are great together. I'm so happy for you, Lu, that you found the man of your dreams. You deserve it. I love you, sis.

My brother, Andrew - You may be younger than me, but over the years you've become the big brother I always wished I'd had. You've always watched out for me, and made sure that the boys I dated weren't punks. Your protectiveness was really sweet. You're also the funniest person I know. Your comics crack me up, and you would be a fantastic screenwriter, in my opinion - you're so funny! You're the only person I know who can make me spit my drink through my nose. Aside from all that, you're just a fantastic guy. You're handsome, strong, talented, and cuddly. ;) Your hugs are the best on the planet. Whatever woman marries you someday is going to have to be pretty spectacular to be worthy of you. And she'll be so lucky to have you. I know you probably don't think that, but it's really true. You're one of my absolute favorite people on the planet. I'm seriously lucky to have you as my brother. I love you. :)

My brother, Daniel - You were one of my best friends growing up, in spite of the 7-year gap in our ages. That's not to say that you were so mature that it felt like we were equals, you definitely know how to act your age. But maybe you brought me down to your level. ;) You've always been able to make me laugh, and I've always felt like I could tell you stuff, even when you were just a kid. I love that you and I look similar, because you're one good-looking dude. It makes me feel prettier than I actually am. Like Andrew, you're also one of the funniest guys on the planet. You two should take your act on the road - when we all get together, my face and stomach end up sore from all the laughing. You're also a sweet, sensitive guy, although you might not realize it. You've helped me through hard times, and I wish that I was better at doing the same for you. I know you've been struggling lately, and it's hard being so far away from you. I want to make everything in your life perfect for you, because you'll always be my baby brother and I'll always feel like I should be taking care of you. All I can say is, I love you. My heart and my home are always open to you, if ever you should need them.

My brother, Joseph - In some ways, this is the hardest one to write. I moved out to college when you were only a newborn, so I don't feel like I know you as well as I know our other siblings. What I know of you, though, I love. You're a sweet, funny kid. You're super smart, very creative, and the fastest runner I've ever seen. Evie absolutely idolizes you. She spends a lot of her time being "Joseph" because she wants to be just like you. You're so lucky that you get to spend so much time overseas, in places like Romania, Kenya, and Urugay. I know you probably don't feel lucky now, but someday you'll be grateful that you got to live so many places. It's hard when you're younger and you have to leave your friends behind every time you move. I know, I remember it well. But the experiences you have will make you into a truly incredible adult. Have fun while you're young, enjoy the different people you meet and places you see. Childhood is something that most people don't appreciate until it's over, and it's too late. Have as much fun as you can! I love you, and I'm excited that you'll be living here in the States next year so we can visit you. :)

My aunts and uncles - A lot of you have been more like older siblings to me than like aunts and uncles (especially Kathi and Kristi). I always feel welcomed and loved when I come to visit you, and I really appreciate that. With my parents living overseas most of the time, it's wonderful that I have so much support and love from my extended family. I love you and appreciate you all so much.

My grandparents - For me, the memories I have of going to visit my grandparents are some of the best. Roy, Utah and Idaho Falls, Idaho are happy places for me, because I was always so happy when I was visiting you all. I've never doubted that you all love me, and I love you too. You're the best grandparents a kid could have.

My in-laws - First off, I am eternally grateful to all of you for making Ben into the man he is today. I couldn't ask for a better husband, and I know that he is the person that he is because of your influence. Secondly, you have always made me feel like a part of the family. You welcomed me with open arms, right off the bat. Ben's sisters and brothers feel like my own, and his parents have become my parents, too. I'm grateful that I haven't had to face any of the stereotypical in-law horror stories you read about in books or see on TV. You're my family, and I love you. I'm so blessed to have married into your family, I couldn't ask for better in-laws.

That's it for the shout-outs, but the blog is far from done. There are two people that I still need to talk about, who are even more important to me than the family I've already mentioned. I'll try not to be long-winded about it, though.

My daughter, Evie, is the most amazing kid on the planet. She's friendly, sweet, imaginative, smart, loving, and completely gorgeous. I honestly can't imagine that there's a better child, anywhere in the world. I have no idea how I was somehow lucky enough to be her mother, but I'm definitely glad I am. I just hope that I'm worthy to be her mom - that I can teach her and guide her through her life, and help her become the amazing woman she has the potential to be.

Evie always wants to be around me, which amazes me even as it exhausts me. She doesn't recognize that I'm an imperfect being, unworthy of her complete, unconditional love. Her love for me is complete and unconditional. She wants to be around me all the time. I'm the first person she finds when she wakes up in the morning, and the last person she wants to see when she goes to sleep at night. She rarely plays in her room during the day. Instead, she brings her toys with her to wherever I am, and plays with/near me. That's not to say that she can't have fun without me - we go to the playground, or on playdates regularly. She plays fine with other kids, and has lots of friends. Evie just chooses to spend a lot of her free time with me. I'm not all that fun, so she must love me!

One of my absolute favorite things about Evie is the way she looks. When I was pregnant with her and people asked who I hoped she'd look like, I always told them I wanted her to look like her Daddy, just in a feminine and pretty way. Ben's such a good-looking guy, and his sisters are so beautiful, I wanted my daughter to look like them. As I mentioned earlier, I have pretty good self-esteem, but I've always thought Ben was better looking than me. When Evie was born, though, it became apparent pretty quickly that she's a tiny copy of me. Her baby pictures and mine are startlingly similar. At first I held out hope that her eyes would turn blue, but they darkened into a brown that match mine.

In spite of her looking like me, though, (maybe even because of it) she was and is 100% gorgeous! It made me see more of the beauty in my own face, looking at her. The fact that she looks like me has actually boosted my own self-esteem. And it makes me crazy proud. This incredible, angelic creature has my eyes, my face. She's more beautiful than I can possibly express - and she looks like me! I always swell with pride when people tell me that. I can't imagine her with her Daddy's eyes or nose, because she's Evie. And Evie looks like her Mommy. And I absolutely love that fact.

She's my angel. I'm actually scared that our future kids will be a disappointment after Evie, she's set the bar so high! I know that it won't actually happen that way, but there's a tiny part of my mind that wonders. Evie danced before she walked, she was quoting movies before she could really talk, she sings, she creates, she amazes. She's perfect. There's not a single thing about her that I would change. I love her more than pretty much anything in this world. I would do anything for her. I would scale mountains, ford rivers, crawl across deserts, do whatever it takes to keep her safe and happy. She's my world. I love her so much.

Finally, I can't end this blog without talking about the single most important person in my life here on Earth. Obviously, I'm talking about my husband, Ben.

I never in a million years would have imagined that my life could be this happy. Ben makes me happier than I ever knew I could be. Without him, I wouldn't be a complete person. He is my better half, the half that I can't live without.

Ben is the sweetest, most gentle man on the planet. He never raises his voice when he's mad. He thinks before he talks. He has a patience like I've never seen before. He is so many things that I wish I could be. Slowly, but surely, I'm learning to have those qualities, too. He makes me a better person in every way.

One of the best things about Ben is that he's completely selfless. I wish I was as good at that as he is. I worry that I take him for granted sometimes, because he's so willing to do things for me. If I ask him to do a chore around the house, he does it. If I ask him to put Evie to bed for me, he does it. If I ask him to come to the grocery store with me, even though I know he hates grocery shopping, he'll come. Even stuff that we both hate to do, he'll do it. He'll do it because he knows that I don't like to, and he wants me to be happy. He's probably the most Christlike man I've ever known.

Why he decided to marry me is beyond me. I don't deserve him. He's a better person than I am on so many levels. Yet, somehow, he has me on a pedestal! I figure all I can do is spend eternity trying to love him as completely and selflessly as he loves me. He's my heart, my soul, my everything. I love him more than I thought I could ever love anyone, and that loves grows by leaps and bounds daily. I'm so happy that I get to spend eternity with him. "Happy" isn't even an adequate word. It goes way, way beyond that.

As you can see, I am blessed. I have a family that is a thousand times better than I deserve. I'm surrounded by people who love me and want me to be happy. I feel joy every day of my life, thanks to my family. I love you guys forever, to the end of time and beyond. Thank you for everything you've done for me. And thank you again to my Heavenly Father, for blessing me so richly, beyond what I deserve. I am truly blessed.