Day Seventeen

Today I'm grateful for my extended family, both my own relatives and my in-laws.

I have such an incredibly great support system. Is my family perfect? No. Do we sometimes have disagreements? Of course. But do I always have love and help when I need it? Yes, yes I do.

I've been blessed to know all four of my grandparents during my life. One has passed on, but I still love him and cherish his memory. And I'm so grateful for the ones I have who are still living. No matter how old I get, I feel the same love from them that I felt as a child. They're good, hard-working, spiritual, wonderful human beings, and I'm blessed to be among their posterity.

I have a multitude of aunts and uncles as well. I know some better than others, but I've experienced love and kindness from all of them. A couple of my aunts are almost like sisters, I feel so close to them. I can drop in on any of them at any time and feel completely welcome. They're amazing.

I have a plethora of cousins, which is even more than a multitude (at least it is in this instance). I don't really know all of them, but I know most of them. They're pretty cool. I have a good friendship with a few of them, and I love all of them.

My in-laws are amazing. I mean, they kind of have to be, to have raised the unbelievably wonderful man I married. There are a lot of them, because Ben comes from a family of eleven children, and many of those are married with children of their own. So there are a lot of Fifields. But man, do I feel at home with them!

Right off the bat, from the moment I first met them, I felt comfortable with them. One of my very first thoughts upon meeting them was, "Man, I hope I have in-laws like this someday!" Of course, at the time I didn't think there was any chance I would actually marry a Fifield boy. Funny how things turn out sometimes!

Ben's brothers and sisters feel like my own siblings, especially the younger ones with whom I've been able to spend a lot of time. They're some of the best people in the world, and they never cease to amaze me with their kindness, intelligence, and talent.

Did I mention that Ben's family is ridiculously talented? Well, they are. So much so that I find it pretty intimidating to be around them sometimes, especially when it comes to musical ability. But they're so sweet, they never have anything but compliments for me when I try to join in.

And of course, Ben's parents are amazing. They're truly like a second father and mother to me. I can tell that they love me, and they've always made me feel like a full-fledged family member. They're generous and kind, and they make me feel like I'm a valuable contribution to the family. I'm so grateful for them.

I've been incredibly blessed when it comes to family. And for me, family is everything. So the fact that my family is so ridiculously fabulous is a huge gift from God. No matter what life may throw at me, I know that I'll be okay, because my family will uplift, help, and support me if I need it.

I love you guys.

Day Sixteen

Driving a golf cart. Like a boss.

Today I'm going to talk about a very special friend of mine. You may know her by any of several names: Juleighette Von Sneedle; Eunice the Great; Eunie; Amy Farrah Fowler; Toadette; Spicy Muffin, lead tambourine artist for the Finxter Muffles; or just plain Juleigh.

As you can see, she's a woman of character. Or, rather, characters.

She's totally weird. Which is perfect, because I'm every bit as weird, if not weirder, so we go together like peas and toast.

We so pretty!

Juleigh and her family moved here to Abilene about two weeks before we did. We sat next to each other at church, and both of us went home and told our respective husbands that we were going to befriend each other. We hadn't discussed it beforehand, it was just something we both felt instinctively.

Still, it took a couple of months before our friendship really got started. It began when we became Facebook friends, and started having long conversations, during which we would both scare our families with the loud laughter, crazy smiles, and rapid typing of the keyboard from our respective computers.

We talked about all sorts of bizarre stuff. Here are a few examples:

Real-Life Mario Kart. We made it happen.

Do elephants have boogers?

Creative things kids can do with poop.

Jason Mraz, and why he's awesome.

Husbands who fly - hot or not? (the answer - definitely hot. But not necessarily because of the pilot thing)

Real-life Mario Kart, and making it happen.

Playing real-life "Where's Waldo?" but with our alter-egos, Eunie and Gerdie.

Flying with our oh-so-sexy pilot husbands

The list goes on and on. As anyone who read through those long, insane conversations knows, we talked about a whole lot of stuff. And through the course of it, we became very good friends.

She's pretty, too!

Juleigh is my bff. Not my BFF, because that's Ben (Benjamin F Fifield), but in lower case letters. I'm not sure I would be enjoying Abilene anywhere near as much without Juleigh. In fact, I know I wouldn't be. She's the kind of friend who comes along once in a lifetime.

Ben and I have had more fun with Juleigh and Bryce (her hubby) than we've ever had with another couple. It's awesome that we have friends to do crazy stuff with, like our real-life Mario Kart adventure, our pie-eating contest, or our annual Christmas Day nerf war. I don't know if we would have done any of those things on our own.

More importantly, though, is the fact that Juleigh is also a genuine, kind, thoughtful person behind all the crazy. When I'm depressed, she's there to lift me up. If I get bad news, she cries with me. When I'm excited, I know I can tell her all about it and she'll be just as excited. She helps me be a better person. Juleigh is there for me, no matter what. And I hope she knows that I'm there for her, too, whatever she may need.

I think this picture needs no caption.

I know I'll have to move away eventually, and our madness will have to come to an end (or at least, slow down a little). But in the meantime, we'll keep planning our nerf wars, dressing like characters from Big Bang Theory, and pretending we're going to make Finxter Muffles into a real band.

It may just be that, looking back, my time in Abilene will be one of the best times of my life. And if that's the case, I know it will be because of Juleigh. Because she's literally the best.

I love you, Eunie!

Nothing wrong with a little free advertising while we're at it!

Day Fifteen

Layne and me

Today I'm going to talk about some of the very good friends I've had in my life. Each one of them has impacted my life in one way or another, and helped shape the person I am today. I'm incredibly grateful for each of them.

Layne

Layne - She was my first roommate in college, and we lived together for three years of my college experience. Freshman year, she was the only girl on my entire floor who I really connected with. We had similar taste in music, movies, and TV shows; we had the same kind of sense of humor; we both quoted movies in everyday conversations; we even liked some of the same boys (which, of course, lead to trouble a time or two). She even helped me get a job at Carol's Copy Center, where I worked on and off for several years. Layne was my very best friend in college. On 9/11, she was the one who saw the news and called me from work right away to let me know. She spent the entire day with me, and let me cry on her shoulder. We went through a lot together over the years, good and bad. And I love her a lot.

Minna and I with our dance partners

Minna - I met Minna my sophomore year of college. It was random chance that she happened to be living in the same dingy basement apartment that Layne and I decided to rent. But I'm pretty sure it was fate that we became roommates. Minna is all of my favorite things about myself times 100. She's quirky, funny, completely weird, and up for any kind of fun. One time we made a parody of the show "Becoming" on MTV, where normal people got to "become" their favorite musician for a day and make a music video. So we made a video of Minna "becoming" Will Smith, and filmed our own version of the "Men in Black" music video. It was awesome. I love Minna so much!

Minna (and me, and Layne, and Laura P)

Ashley and me

Ashley - Ashley was a friend of a friend who was going to room with Layne, Minna and me, but who then changed her mind. The friend changed her mind, that is, not Ashley. So Ashley was stuck with us. But when we were rooming with Ashley, it was the most fun year I had during my entire college experience. Our other two roommates were cute and fun, too, but Ashley fit into the crazy "Layne, Minna, Cassie" group like a glove. She was always a little less crazy than the rest of us, and sometimes we made her blush like crazy with some of the things we talked about, but she definitely brought her own brand of crazy to the party and made everything more fun. And whenever one of us was sick or sad, Ashley was the mom who got us back on our feet. The beginning of that year of school was a rough one for me, as I had just been dumped by a guy I thought I was going to marry. I stopped eating. And even though Ashley didn't know me that well yet, she was the one who fixed me soup and coaxed me into eating it. I'm grateful for her, and I love her.

L to R: Raquel, Megan, Layne, Ashley, Me, and Minna

Laura P and me

Laura P - Laura was the friend who was going to room with us, but didn't. I think she got engaged and was living at her grandparents' house to save money? Something like that. Anyway, thought we were friends at college, that's not how we met. We met when I was home for a semester. Her parents went to church with my family. She came home during the summer, and we ended up sitting together in Relief Society. We were commenting on how church is always better with candy, and how we wished we had some, when the Relief Society President walked in with a huge basket of full-size candy bars. We were pretty sure it was a sign that our friendship was meant to be. We went to dances together during our college years, we went on double dates, we had parties, we even traded shirts in a restaurant bathroom once to see if anyone would notice. We never had a chance to live together, but she was one of my good friends anyway. And yes, I love her!

L to R: Alyssa, Ben, Me, Heather, and PJ

Heather - I met Heather when I was engaged to Ben. She and Ben had gone to high school together, and her boyfriend was one of Ben's good friends. Ben and PJ (Heather's sweetheart) even served in the same mission. So, we all went to the mission reunion together. Heather was late, though, and in her absence, PJ let it be known that he was going to propose to her. Naturally, I told her as soon as I could, because I'm terrible at keeping secrets. She was thrilled, and it cemented our friendship. She and PJ got married about a month after Ben and I did, and for the first year of our marriage they were our next-door neighbors. Our apartments shared a wall. We hung out a lot, and when I found out I was pregnant with Evie, Heather was the first person I told (Ben wasn't home yet, and I had to tell SOMEONE!!!). During my pregnancy, she got pregnant, too, but miscarried. I felt horrible, and guilty somehow. It wasn't fair that I had a healthy baby when she had lost hers. Had our positions been reversed, I'm not sure I could have kept hanging out with her. It would have been too painful. But Heather is a better person than I am, and she not only stuck around, she came to my baby shower and she and PJ bought us a crib so that we wouldn't have to use the broken, second-hand one we had been planning on. And now she has two gorgeous kids of her own, the older of whom (Jack) Evie plans to marry. I would be honored to have my daughter marry her son, because she's one of the best people I know. I love her.

L to R: PJ, Heather, Me, and Ben, the sexy pirate.

Laura H with her daughter and hubby

Laura H - A few months after I had Evie, Ben had an Honor Guard competition in California. I didn't feel good about leaving Evie alone for a week, but I figured I could be gone for two days and drive down for the competition itself. It was about a 16 hour drive, though. Lucky for me, there was another girl who wanted to drive down for the competition, too. She was engaged to the Honor Guard commander, but since they weren't married yet, she wasn't going for the full week. So, because we both needed to get there at the same time, we drove together. We were driving a stick, and she had never driven a manual transmission before. So I taught her along the way. It was terrifying and hilarious, but we made it there alive. And we drove back together with our men. And you can't be trapped in a car for 32 hours with another person and not end up either loving them or hating them. I loved her. We became really good friends. We lived just a few buildings away from each other when Ben and Robert were both stationed at Hill AFB, and were over at each other's houses all the time. We babysat each other's kids, and learned about life as a military wife together. We've lost touch quite a bit over the years, but I still love her.

Fabi, Laura and me at the zoo in our matchy outfits

Fabi and her son, Carter

Fabi - Fabi is another Air Force wife that I became close to. Her husband did Honor Guard with Ben and Robert, and they were also posted with us at Hill. Laura, Fabi and I hung out quite a bit. Fabi even dealt with some of the same anxiety I did when it comes to infertility. Hers didn't last nearly so long as mine, but there were several months where we both cried over not being able to get pregnant. She has three healthy kids now, but I still remember being able to cry on her shoulder and have her sympathize. When she and Adam moved to Enid, OK, they had trouble finding an apartment, so they stayed with us for a while. It was really fun having her there, because she had been in Pensacola for a year and I had missed her! Fabi is seriously one of the sweetest people I know. I'm lucky to call her my friend, and I love her a lot.

Ronda and her family

Ronda - I met Ronda here in Abilene. She goes to the same church that I do. And she has been one of my biggest supports as I've been struggling with infertility. She's dealt with all the same issues as me, and knows exactly what it feels like to be in my position. She's always ready with a smile and a hug and an offer to help me with whatever I need. She's one of the most selfless people I've ever met. When Ben and I found out that the doctor wanted us to do IUI or IVF, and that we would have to pay for it out of pocket, she immediately offered to host a Tupperware party and donate the commission to our baby fund. She and her family can certainly use the money themselves, so it was incredibly generous of her to do that for us. Ronda is truly one of the best people I've ever known in my life, and I love her so much!

Evie and Cammie

Shea and Cammie - These gorgeous ladies were in Spitfire Grill with me last May. As I got to know them, I was able to see what incredible people they are. Cammie is ridiculously good with kids, and Shea is the kind of mom that I want to be someday. They both have so much love in their hearts. And they're talented, too! Shea has a beautiful singing voice (and I bet Cammie does, too, although I haven't really heard it yet!), and Cammie dances and plays in her school marching band. They're the ideal mother-and-daughter duo, the kind that everyone wants to be a part of. And they're incredibly generous, too. I went out of town with Ben last month to see Les Miserables, and Shea watched Evie for the weekend. When I went to pick her up, Evie didn't want to come home! She had had so much fun with Shea and Cammie that she probably would have been happy to stay there forever. And I don't blame her - Shea and Cammie are awesome! I'm so blessed to have them in my life. I love them both.

Me and Shea backstage during Little Shop of Horrors

These are just a few of the amazing women who have blessed my life. Having lived all over the world, I could probably keep on listing friends and writing complimentary things forever. But for the sake of everyone's sanity, I'll stop here. But to all of you who weren't mentioned, that doesn't mean you're not loved. I appreciate every last one of you.

There's also one very important person missing from this blog post, my very bestest bff, but I don't have space for all the good things I have to say about her, so she'll get her own post tomorrow. You know who you are (*cough* Juleigh *cough*).

Thanks again to all of my wonderful friends! I love you all!

Minna, me and Ashley after Laura P's wedding reception

Day Fourteen

Today I'm thankful for payday! But I'm not going to talk about that. I'm going to talk about my calling at church.

For those of you who don't speak "Mormon," most (if not all) active adults have a job they do at church. This job is referred to as a "calling." You're asked by the leader of your congregation to do one job or another. It's not something they decide lightly, either. There is always prayer and pondering involved. So really, we see our callings as assignments from the Lord.

I've had many callings over the years, all of which have brought different joys and challenges. But at the moment I have one of my favorite callings of all time.

I'm the music director for the Primary. In case you don't know, the Primary is all the children from ages 3-11. And I get to teach them songs!

It can be challenging at times, trying to come up with new and fresh ways to catch and hold their attention. And I have to come up with visual aids and pantomimes and such to help them learn the words to their songs. It takes planning, which isn't my strong suit. But when the pieces come together, it's the best calling in the world.

Nothing brings the Spirit so quickly as a group of children singing about the Lord.

My first month as the primary chorister, I had to teach the kids a song called "Gethsemane." It was a doozy. It wasn't particularly difficult, but every time those children started singing the chorus: "Gethsemane! Jesus loves me! So He went willingly to Gethsemane" I would break into tears. I was literally holding my visual aid poster over my face at one point, so the kids couldn't see me bawling.

Their spirits are so sweet, so pure, so innocent! And they have this simple but profound faith. They know without a doubt that God loves them. They know He's real. And they want to be just like Him.

A few years ago, when Evie was two or three, we went to an open house at a temple in Utah. It was a brand-new temple, and hadn't been dedicated yet, so the general public was welcome to go inside and look around.

Evie was (and still is) too young to go to the temple normally, so this was an opportunity for her to see the inside of a temple for the first time. I explained to her that the temple is God's house. She got very excited.

When we went into the building, she was looking around in awe. She turned to me and, with all the innocence in the world, excitedly asked, "Do we get to meet Jesus today?"

Even from that young age, she had a personal relationship with her Savior. She wanted to meet Him. And while I told her no, we wouldn't be able to meet Him that day, I know without a doubt that if He had been there, she would have run up without hesitation and given Him a big hug and a kiss. And I know the Savior would have hugged her back, with more love than I can possibly comprehend.

Kids are closer to the Lord than adults are. They have incredible testimonies, and incredible spirits. Their love for the Lord shines through in every Primary song that they sing. And it never fails to touch my heart.

I'm so grateful for my calling. I'm grateful that I can use my talents to bless others - especially the children. They make me want to be a better person. They make me want to have the kind of relationship with the Lord that they do. They make me want to have a more perfect faith.

The kids in my primary are amazing, and I love every single one of them.

Day Thirteen

Little Shop of Horrors

Last night I auditioned for W;t. I doubt I'll be cast, because Ben and I would only want to do it if we could do it together, and Ben's schedule is so all over the place that the director probably won't want to chance casting us and then discover that the Air Force is sending Ben TDY for a month. That's an unlikely scenario, but it is a possibility, so it's probably not in the director's best interests to cast us.

A melodrama, '07

But I have to admit, it was fun. I haven't auditioned for a straight play in more than a decade. Ever since I started doing musicals, I've become a bit of a theater snob. I love musicals, and regular plays just don't do it for me as much anymore. So generally, I don't even audition for shows that aren't musicals. I made an exception for this one because the director is a friend of mine and I would love the chance to work with him. Also, I hear it's a great show.

Spitfire Grill, photo by John Hitt

Can I just say, though, that it's way scarier to perform a monologue than it is to sing a solo? I would much rather get up in front of a director and sing than perform a monologue. Music by its very nature lends an emotion to stories, whereas a monologue gives you no help at all - you have to perform completely on your own. It makes me feel kind of exposed, and naked. Singing, I can hide behind my voice. Emoting is easy, because you can feel in the music where the emphasis and emotion needs to go. Monologues are way harder.

Little Shop of Horrors, photo by John Hitt

What I'm saying is, I had fun last night, but musical theater is still my passion above all else. There is nothing so exhilarating as having a spotlight shine in your face as you belt out a ballad with a captive audience hanging on to every note (or at least, keeping one eye on you as they gossip with their neighbor).

Scarlet Pimpernel, '04

As a person, I have a fair amount of confidence. I don't have particularly low self-esteem (most of the time). I try to be a good person. I have a good number of friends who I know care about me. And my husband makes me feel beautiful, even when the mirror is telling me otherwise. I'm certainly not the best, kindest, smartest, or prettiest person on the planet. I probably don't even crack the top billion. But, overall, I'm not bad. I think I'm pretty okay.

Robber Bridegroom, '07

When I'm singing onstage, though... I feel amazing. I feel powerful, and beautiful, and desirable. I'm not saying that every single person in every single audience is going to love me or my voice, but I do recognize that I have some talent. So my confidence skyrockets when I sing. It's the one thing at which I feel truly gifted.

Little Shop of Horrors

Most of it is training. I don't have a bad voice, in its raw form. I don't know that it's anything to write home about, but it's a decent voice. Added to that, though, is over a decade of vocal training in various styles. That training has developed my voice from something nice to something beautiful. Again, I'm not the best in the world - or even in my family! Ben is a better singer than I am! - but it's definitely my greatest talent.

Spitfire Grill, photo by John Hitt

So I'm incredibly grateful to have the opportunity to perform in musicals. I'm thankful that directors enjoy my singing and truly want me in their shows. I'm blessed to have met so many other talented theater buffs in the community, with whom I can share this passion. I'm so glad that I discovered musical theater in the first place, because it's my very favorite hobby. If I could perform in a national tour of some show like "Les Miserables" or "Wicked" or "Ragtime," my life would be complete.

Scarlet Pimpernel

Granted, the time where that might have been even a remote possibility is past, now that I have a husband and child to take care of. But I can still perform in local musicals, and continue to develop my talent and enjoy the world of musical theater. It's an exhilarating pastime, and one that I hope I never have to leave behind.

Little Shop of Horrors, photo by John Hitt

Day Twelve

Daniel: He's what's for lunch

Today is Veteran's Day, and my little brother's birthday. So I guess this will be a two-parter.

Naturally, I'm incredibly grateful for my brother, Daniel. He's seriously one of the best guys I know. He's generous, selfless, smart, handsome, hardworking, talented, funny, and sweet. Whoever marries him will be a lucky lady. And, as a protective big sister, I have to say that whatever girl he chooses had better live up to my high expectations, or she just won't be good enough for my little bro.

This is how my brothers play with Evie

Daniel has been struggling to find a job for a couple of years now, which completely boggles my mind. He's one of the hardest workers I've ever known. So, if you know anyone in Utah Valley who's hiring, let me know and I'll send him over! You should hire him - you definitely wouldn't regret it!

Daniel has helped me out so many times over the years. When he was 17, he spent a summer babysitting my infant every evening so that Ben and I could do summer theater. A couple of years later he came and stayed with Evie for a week so Ben and I could go on an anniversary trip. And multiple times he's flown out to wherever I live, just so he could turn right around and drive back with me, so I wouldn't have to drive to Utah by myself.

My brother is awesome. I'm lucky to be his sister. Have a great birthday, Daniel!

Daniel having a cute little snack

Today, as I mentioned earlier, is also Veteran's Day. As a milspouse, I have a different perspective on the military than most civilians do.

Military life is hard. Our servicemen and women require a great deal of discipline in order to do what they do. On top of that, they're frequently away from their families. They're asked to leave sometimes at a moment's notice. Their schedule is often irregular. They have to be incredibly physically fit. They have to learn how to handle pressure. Some even have to go through training that teaches them how to cope with being tortured.

Ben outranks his little brother, Michael

Choosing to serve in the military is not an easy decision. Nobody thinks, "Wow, military life looks like a fun, easy time!" Anyone who considers joining up is aware that they're making a sacrifice. Even those who don't deploy as much, or who don't come under heavy fire when they are deployed, are making huge sacrifices.

Serving in the military is a selfless choice. It's the decision to put your love for your country before your own well-being. It's the decision to give up your time, your comforts, and many of your freedoms for a cause greater than yourself. It's the decision to leave those you love behind you, and put yourself in harm's way to ensure that those people you love are protected.

When I see TV shows, movies, or news outlets vilifying the military, it makes me sick. The people who serve their country are not perfect, but in no way are they monsters. They don't join the military because they love killing. If anything, they understand the cost better than most. Their sacrifices should never be seen as anything less than noble and heroic.

Our servicemen and women are heroes, pure and simple. Without them, there's no way we could enjoy the freedoms we have.

It's not easy saying goodbye to my husband, and sending him off to war. It's terrifying. There's always a part of my mind - and a part of his mind - that are replaying scenarios where he doesn't come home. We have to be prepared to deal with it, because it's a genuine possibility.

Aside from the actual risk of death, there's also the difficulty that comes with being apart. We're blessed to have phone service, internet, and Skype. We can talk to our loved ones on a regular basis. It's so much better than it was a hundred years ago. But even with all of that, there's a physical, literal pain in my heart when Ben is gone. And it's compounded by the fact that, every time he leaves, he misses things.

Yeah, Ben is about as scary as a koala bear.

Next year, he'll be deployed over Christmas. If we have another baby by then, he'll miss their first Christmas. He'll also miss several of the first months of our baby's life. He'll miss Evie's birthday next year. Then there's all the little day-to-day experiences that he won't be here for - broken bones, lost teeth, proud accomplishments. Earlier this year, Evie was in the hospital for a few days with pneumonia, and Ben was gone. I had to handle it on my own. It was terrifying. It's incredibly hard having my husband gone so much of the time.

And I know it's even harder for him, because he's taken completely out of his comfort zone and surrounded by people he hardly knows. I have Evie, and our friends in the Abilene area. I can go visit family. But Ben doesn't have any of those things. He's far more isolated. I have no doubt that his deployments are even harder on him than they are on us.

So why does he do it?

When Ben joined the Air Force, he told me he wanted to do it so that he knew that he was doing everything in his power to protect his wife and children. He wanted to be part of the effort to keep us free and protected. It wasn't enough for him to support our troops, he needed to be actively doing his part to ensure our safety. He joined the military for love: Love of his country, and love of his family.

It's a sacrifice, but a meaningful one. Like the other men and women of the military, Ben has chosen to deprive himself of comfort, home, and family in order to serve a greater good. It's a heroic thing to do, and frankly, anyone who says differently is an idiot.

Thanks, boys! I love you!

Thank you to all of the men and women who serve, and thank you to the families and loved ones who support them.

Day Eleven

This morning while I was in the shower, I was listening to my Sunday playlist on my iPod. It's got songs from The Garden, Women at the Well, Prince of Egypt, and an assortment of hymns and such.

The opening song from Prince of Egypt is playing ("Deliver Us"), and as I was listening to Moses's mother sing about putting him into the river with the prayer that he would live, I found myself getting very emotional.

As a Latter-Day Saint, I believe that the Bible is a real account of people who really lived a long time ago. I believe that Moses was a real person, and that his mother really did put him in the river to try and save his life.

As a mother, I can imagine how much heartache she must have felt in this situation. A good mother wants to keep her baby close and protect him. But by keeping him close, Moses's mother would have been sentencing him to death at the hands of Pharoah's men. The only chance she had to save his life was to let him go. She put him in a basket, sent him down the river, and prayed that someone would find him who could keep him alive.

What an amazing and courageous woman, to do such a thing! Only with God's reassurance could she have had any hope that Moses would live. And faith can be so hard to hold on to in perilous times. But she did it. She had faith, she received a prompting from God that helped her know what needed to be done, and she acted on it. I have no doubt that Satan was in her ear, whispering all the odds of her baby drowning or being eaten by crocodiles. But she did what she knew the Lord wanted her to do, in spite of the doubts, the fears, and the heartache she must have felt. Her faith and acceptance of the Lord's will is remarkable.

Today I'm thankful for women in the scriptures whose examples teach me important lessons about how to become a better person.

Abraham's wife, Sariah, struggled with infertility. I can relate, although mine isn't anywhere near so severe as hers, as I already have one child. But still, to an extent, I can identify with her.

She struggled with infertility until she was old and beyond childbearing years. Her husband had been promised descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky. But she was unable to provide him with a child.

It must have been devastating for her. As someone who struggles with infertility, I know it can bring feelings of depression, low self-worth, unworthiness, and anger at God. But as difficult as her situation was, she remained faithful. And when she was old, far beyond childbearing years, she finally conceived and had Isaac. Which just proves that God can work miracles. Her story teaches me to have faith, and helps me try to be patient.

The story of Leah in the Old Testament teaches me that there are far worse things than infertility. I may struggle with having kids, but at least I have a husband who adores me. Poor Leah had many children, and with each one hoped that her husband would finally love her, but he never did. He had eyes only for Leah's sister, Rachel. Her story is one of heartache and lost opportunity. And it makes me so grateful to have the husband I have, even if I do have to deal with infertility. Leah's story helps me to count my blessings and have gratitude.

In the New Testament, Mary (the mother of the Savior) is one of my very favorite people. When I die, she's one of the first people I want to meet.

This is a woman who, as a girl, was told she would conceive by the Holy Ghost and give birth to the Son of God. She wasn't married, and being pregnant would make her a target of derision and ridicule. She would be poorly treated, gossiped about, and frowned on. But without hesitation, in spite of knowing all this, she answered, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord." In other words, "Here I am, I accept whatever the Lord may ask of me."

So much faith! So much courage! She blows me away. And obviously she must have been an incredible woman, to be tasked with raising the Savior of the world. And in spite of how hard it must have been to watch Him as He was ridiculed, cursed, and eventually crucified, she never tried to tell Him to stop, or change His mind. She never doubted Him or His divinity. She followed Him faithfully, and loved Him beyond words - not only as her son, but as her Savior. I hope to be a woman like Mary someday.

The last woman I'll talk about isn't named in the New Testament. She's referred to only as "a woman with an issue of blood."

This woman had an ongoing hemorrhage of blood, which under Mosaic Law, made her "unclean." She wasn't able to go out and be with friends and family, she had to stay confined. Along with that, the bleeding sapped her strength and health.

She sought help from numerous doctors, but nothing helped. She grew worse.

After twelve years of this struggle, she heard that a man named Jesus was coming to heal the sick. The Spirit revealed to her that Jesus was the literal Son of God, with power beyond that of mere doctors. She knew in her heart that if she could just get close enough to touch the Savior, she would be healed.

Can you imagine? Twelve years of doctors to no avail, but she had such incredible faith that she knew she could be completely healed with just a touch of the Master's robes. When she reached out and touched the Savior, she was miraculously and instantly healed, just as she knew she would be.

The Savior felt the healing take place, in spite of it being done without His knowledge. When he turned to ask her about it, he saw that it had been her incredible faith that had made it possible. Jesus told her,
“Daughter be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.” (Luke 8:48)

What an amazing woman, and an amazing story. Even after twelve years of isolation, pain, and hardship, her faith was strong. She's the one person in the scriptures who was healed purely on personal faith, without the Savior intentionally healing them. I hope my faith can be that strong someday.

There are many other incredible women in the scriptures, and I love and revere all of them for their faith, sacrifice, and example. But these are the ones who have most touched my heart. I'm grateful for the scriptures, and for the things I learn there that help me to become a better person. 

I love my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. As much as I love Ben, and as much as Ben is part of my very self, the Savior is an even greater presence in my heart. He is the center of my self. And my relationship with Ben is only strengthened by that, because Christ is at the very center of Ben's life, too. Our love for each other is only strengthened by our love for the Lord. 

I want more than anything to become the woman the Savior wants me to be. I try to take my trials in stride, knowing that if I can face them with faith as the women in the scriptures did, I can grow and become a better person. Those trials are what make me stronger, better, and closer to the Lord. It's not easy, but I'm trying to live my life in such a way that makes the Savior proud of me. 

I hope someday to fall at His feet and worship Him, and to hear the words, "Well done, my good and faithful daughter." That will be a moment of incredible joy, and I will do anything to get there. I will do whatever the Lord asks of me. 

Though I'm not as strong and faithful as Mary, I'll do my best to repeat and live her words:

"Behold the handmaid of the Lord."