Part of it is because I'm a human being like any other. No decent human being would feel anything but grief over the massacre of children. But it's stronger than that for me, because these kids were my daughter's age. Of the twenty, sixteen were six years old, just like Evie. The other four were seven, probably just barely.
And looking at the few faces that have been displayed so far, these kids even look like my own daughter. They have the same chubby cheeks, the same clear eyes, the same bright, hopeful smiles.
And one of the victims, Emilie Parker, was described by her father as a caring child who was always aware of the needs of others. She loved to make cards for people to encourage them or cheer them up. She loved dancing, and she loved her Heavenly Father. She was even a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, just like our family.
Everything in that description fits Evie. These two girls are so similar.
So this whole event has become kind of personal for me. I have a daughter who is very like the Parker's daughter, and I come from the same belief system. So I can put myself in their shoes pretty clearly, and imagine all too well the anguish they must be feeling.
But I've cried myself pretty dry over the past three days. Instead of focusing on the pain of that day, I want to focus on the tender mercies that have been shown.
Many of the targeted students were saved by the quick-thinking and heroic action of their teachers. As awful as this shooting was, it easily could have been so much worse. So many lives were saved that day.
The families who lost their loved ones will not have to suffer together. It's a double-edged sword, because of course it would have been better if not so many had died. But now that they have, the families can take comfort in knowing that they're not alone. They can lean on each other, and help each other cope.
Going along in that thread, while I'm incredibly sad about the loss of Emilie Parker (and all the kids, but as I said, she was described as very similar to my own little one), I'm grateful that there are parents involved who have the fullness of the Gospel. They know about God's plan, and the fact that families can be sealed to each other for eternity. These families don't have to be shattered by this, they can be sealed together, and those parents can have these children back as a literal part of their families in the next life. This doesn't have to be goodbye! It can be "see you later." I can't think of any greater comfort for a parent in this situation. And because one set of parents are members of the LDS church, they'll be able to share the good news and hopefully bring peace, comfort, and hope to the other parents.
This isn't to say that other faiths won't be able to contribute to the comfort. I believe that every church that sincerely tries to follow Christ brings a great amount of good to its members and to the world as a whole. There is comfort in God no matter what church you attend. But the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ's own church restored to the earth, with Him at its head. It's the same church organization that He put together during His time on earth. And the gospel is so much fuller as a result. We have so many more truths, truths that don't detract from what others believe, but add to the knowledge that others already have, and bring a greater fullness and depth of understanding to what they already know. What others have is good - it's great! It's wonderful - but there is so much more. And as members of the LDS church, the Parkers will be able to share that incredible truth and help other families.
In a similar vein, the Parkers have put an extremely graceful face on members of the church worldwide. They were the first to be composed enough to talk to the media, and when they did, they expressed forgiveness and compassion for Adam Lanza. I'm not sure I would have had the faith and the strength to be able to forgive so quickly if my child was taken away from me. But this faithful family is so strong, and their faith is so deep, that they were able to forgive the madman who killed these innocent children almost immediately. People may have all sorts of crazy opinions about the Church, but I don't see how anyone can look at this kind of faith and have anything less than respect. If it changes even one person's negative opinion of the Church to something more positive, that's a victory.
God uses tragedies to bring about great blessings. Every horrible situation is an opportunity in disguise. Often, these opportunities are personal and private. Others may not even be aware of their happening. But in extreme and public cases like this, God uses these opportunities to bring about great works of good. That any good can come of a tragedy like this is an incredible blessing.
Additionally, this incident has opened up talk about what we can do as a people to prevent this sort of thing from happening again. Let's be honest: if someone really wants to shoot up a school, they'll find a way to do it. We can't truly prevent this kind of thing. But there are things we can do to help people who need help. We need better mental health services. We need a place where people can go, and be nurtured, and get the help that they need. Where they can get counseling. Where they can get medication, if necessary. Where they can get empathy for the issues they're struggling with.
At this point, there's nothing that can really be done to help people with severe mental illness. If they haven't committed a crime, the government doesn't care. If they have, they're put in prison.
If we had better mental health services, they can get the help they need before any crimes and tragedies are committed.
Adam Lanza had no criminal record. This was his first offense. And what did he do? He massacred 26 people, 20 of them babies. If he had been able to get help, this might never have happened.
If a better system comes about, one that helps genuinely sick people, that will be a blessing indeed.
But again, if someone really wants to shoot up a school, they will find a way.
What really needs to happen to prevent these kinds of tragedies is that parents need to step up. Every single world problem would be solved if every child was raised in a home with two loving parents, who teach their children to be respectful, hard-working, empathetic, decent members of society.
The way you're raised shapes your entire life. It forms you as a person. Who you are, your very self, is often determined by your upbringing. If everyone had loving parents who raised them right, crime would go down. Charity would go up. People would be more selfless, more generous, more helpful, more empathetic.
Granted, this is a dream. The world is already too full of indifferent parents, selfish parents, cruel parents, and absent parents. There are already too many children being raised to be selfish, egotistical, greedy, and indifferent to others. And the cycle just repeats when they have children of their own.
But if this tragedy encourages parents to love their kids a little more, and raise them a little better, the world will be a better place when this future generation grows up.
Take time to hug your kids. Spend time with them. Listen to them, and talk to them. Be honest with them. Love them, and when they mess up, teach them to be better. Raise your kids to be better people than you are. Raise them to be the kind of people you want to be. The Lord will use your efforts and bless you along the way. If you want success as a parent, He'll help you find it.
This tragedy was horrifying. It's still horrifying. It will take a long time for the nation to recover, and even longer for the loved ones of the victims to find peace. But if we allow Him, the Lord will help. He'll provide comfort and peace. And He'll find a way to bring about amazing works and incredible blessings as a result of this horrible incident.
So no matter how awful the tragedy, tender mercies will always be found. Because that's what He does. And He does it out of love.
