All About Love

I can't even begin to describe my feelings over the past 24 hours.

It started yesterday when I had an appointment with a fertility specialist in Ft. Worth. I had already seen her a couple of times, and she even found and removed a fibroid from my uterus a few weeks ago. They'd run all the tests they could, and it was time to move forward with trying to get pregnant.

She told us that our best options were either IVF (which costs about $13,000) or IUI (which is about $4,000). Since we've been trying for so many years, they didn't feel it was feasible that we could get pregnant without one of these procedures.

So we decided to try IUI. We left the office with high hopes and paperwork for a medical financing company. $4,000 isn't a ton when compared to IVF or, say, a car; but it's still quite a bit more than we have lying around.

As soon as we got home, I filled out the application for medical financing. We have fairly good credit, we always pay our bills on time, and usually more than the minimum. We've been trying to get out of the debt we accumulated in college, so we've been pretty good about making our payments. I didn't see any reason why we shouldn't qualify for a mere $4,000 medical loan.

I thought about how we could try next month, and if it worked, I would have the baby next July. I had more hope than I've had in years, and my imagination just took off. July would be perfect - school would be out, so my mom could come out and be here for the birth. Ben wouldn't be deploying again until September, so I'd have his help for those first, exhausting months. It was perfect.

But then they denied our application for financing.

Never mind that it was only for $4,000. Never mind that we have decent credit, and always pay our bills on time. They felt that, overall, we still had too much debt. So they declined financing us. If we wanted the procedure, we'd have to raise the money ourselves.

When it comes to a loan, $4,000 isn't a whole lot. But when it comes to saving it up little by little, that kind of money can take a long time to earn. It could be a year or more before we were able to save that much.

I'll admit it, I cried. I found out that we were denied, just as we were leaving the house to take Evie to dance class. She asked me why I was crying, and I tried to explain the situation in a way that she could understand. She was very quiet for a minute, then she said, "I don't need a DS. You can have the money I've been saving for my DS, and keep my allowance and the money I make from my chores."

Naturally, this made me cry even harder. What an amazing kid! I told her, no, of course. It's her money, and we would find another way to earn the $4,000 ourselves. But I was incredibly touched by her generosity. It got me thinking. If my almost-6-year-old is willing to help me out, why not see if there are other people willing to help, too?

My plan was to earn the money through making cheese balls, taking family pictures, and teaching music lessons. I hoped that people would allow me to do those things for them because of my situation, where otherwise they might choose someone else or opt out of pictures/cheese balls/music lessons altogether. I'm not above a little begging, I guess.

And almost immediately people were asking me to take pictures and all that good stuff for them. I was very touched. Then, people started offering other ways to get me money, from donating the proceeds of Tupperware, Scentsy, and Thirty One parties; to donating plasma and giving me the money; to just straight up donating money. My friend, Juleigh, even offered to encourage people to donate money by promising to shave her head when we reached our goal! Hopefully we can avoid that, though, as Juleigh has very pretty hair and I would miss it.

Within 24 hours I went from high hopes, to despair, to feeling incredibly loved. I had no idea that there were so many people who cared about me. I had no idea that so many people were so generous and selfless! I have felt so much love in the past 24 hours, it's blown my mind.

It still may take a while to raise the money, but I have hope again. There are too many people rooting for me, praying for me, and giving of themselves to help me, for me to despair again. How can I be sad when I've witnessed such an incredible outpouring of love? I am so ridiculously blessed. Thank you to everyone who has given me back my hope.

And if anyone reads this blog and wants to donate, here's the link to a page my friend, Juleigh, set up for accepting donations. I didn't know she was doing it, but once again, I'm left feeling honored, blessed, and loved. :)