Wife Swap: Home Edition!

I was watching an episode of Wife Swap today, and it occurred to me that the concept is something that could be done in the home. You don't have to trade places with a random stranger across the country to be able to learn how to make your home a better place. The point of the show is about learning how to walk in another person's shoes, and see the world from a different point of view. And then, of course, you learn and grow and make changes to improve your life.

Evie's too little for me to do this any time soon, but when she's a teenager, I'd really like to try a similar experiment. The best time to do it would be over summer vacation, so that we really can trade places. But rather than two moms trading places, the mom can "trade places" with her kids. Children often don't realize how many sacrifices their parents make for them, and this kind of thing could help them see that. On the flip side, parents are often oblivious to just how hard it is, being a kid (especially a teenager). They also may not realize if they are doing things that disappoint their kids. Thus, the experiment.

How it would work is very similar to what happens on Wife Swap. The first week, the mom has to follow a list of rules that the kids come up with. Granted, there needs to be some adult supervision here so you don't end up with any dangerous rules (like "Kids are free to get tattoos!" or "Kids are allowed to go to bars and stay out all night!"), but kids are smart and will generally come up with those things which are most important to them. This will likely include things like: Mom does all the kids' chores, Mom spends _ number of nights a week spending quality time with the kids, Mom has dinner ready by _ time every night, Mom has to do _ number of "homework assignments" a day, maybe Mom even has to go to work in place of her child at Pizza Hut or wherever (if they can work it out with the manager), etc. There may be some silly ones in here, too, but pretty much anything that is important to the kids (and not risky in any way) is fair game. Hm, maybe we'd better limit the number of possible rules to 10 or something...

Mom faithfully follows the rules for a full week. Thanks to this experience, she can see things from her children's perspective, as well as learn what things she could be doing better for them. It's a gift, being able to find out what your kids really think and feel about you and the way you do things. It won't be easy, but as long as Mom plays fair, the kids will have no choice but to obey HER rules over the following week, when the rules change!

For the second week, Mom sets the rules. Maybe the kids do all the housework, cook all the meals, do the grocery shopping (while sticking to a specific budget), get the oil changed in the car, pay the bills, etc. Maybe it's something else that Mom wants the kids to learn. In any case, they have to walk a mile in Mom's shoes now. It won't be fun, and it won't be easy, but hopefully when it's over they'll have a greater respect for their mother and the sacrifices and hard work she puts into every day. And vice versa.

I really think it's a great idea. I wish I could have done something like this with my parents when I was growing up. It wasn't until recently, when I became a mother, that I began to really understand everything my mom sacrificed to raise me. If we could have done this kind of experiment, maybe I would have been a little more understanding. It really does do a world of good to be able to put yourself in another person's shoes. And it teaches you empathy.

I hope I can do this with my kids in 15 years or so (Egad! I'll be almost 42!!!). Maybe then the mysteries that I, like all parents, will face in dealing with my teenagers will be a little less intimidating. And if I'm very lucky, maybe my kids will respect me for what I do.

If nothing else, I think it sounds like a lot of fun!

My Thoughts on the DWTS Finale

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU LIVE IN AFRICA AND HAVE NOT SEEN THE DANCING WITH THE STARS FINALE YET! You know who you are. ;)

First off, I'd just like to say "suck it" to all the people out there who have been bashing poor Shawn Johnson all season long. I've read numerous comments calling her "a thick munchkin", "stumpy" and even "fat." You've GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! This kid is solid muscle! She could pretty much break your spine with her thighs if she wanted to. Aside from that, her technique in the ballroom dances has been phenomenal. She may not look as graceful as Gilles and Melissa, but I think a lot of that is because she is shorter. It's harder to make short limbs look long and flowy. Also, with all the precision that comes with her lifetime of gymnastics training, it makes complete sense that she would bring that to her dancing. Personally, I thought she was a far superior dancer to Melissa. Melissa is more naturally graceful, but she did every dance like a ballerina. While ballet is a good base when it comes to ballroom training, ballroom dance isn't much like ballet. I know, I'm a ballroom dancer. You have to be grounded into the floor. Your movement in the latin dances especially needs to come from your hips. Melissa had beautiful arms and legs, but was up way too much on her toes, and had little to no hip action when dancing latin. Granted, if she was told "shake your butt" she could do it, but that "perfect" sambaa had no hip action in any of the basic steps where it should have been. Her shoulders moved, but that's a bad thing.

Shawn's hip action and basic feel of the dances was superior. She was grounded, she used her hips, she was sharper and had a better feel for the rhythm. It made me angry, seeing all the people bashing her online while singing the praises of Melissa. Clearly these were people who knew nothing about ballroom dance beyond what the judges said. As a person, Melissa was likeable, but something about the comments I read online made me really dislike her as a dancer. She's a beautiful dancer, yes, but she is not the second coming to the ballroom world. The support for her and disdain for Shawn made me crazy. It's nothing personal against Melissa, she seems like a sweet girl. But Shawn was better.

Still, because of all the comments I read online, I was sure that Shawn would take third place at best. Melissa seemed to have a lot more fans. Apparently, it only seemed that way. I guess her fans are just a lot louder than most, and have too much free time on their hands. They use that time to write inane comments on every article and blog posted about DWTS. I wonder how many of their comments I'll have to delete after this blog is posted? Don't bother, kids. It's over. The better woman won. And if I may be so bold - HA!

I was, however, shocked that Shawn beat out Gilles. I can't argue that she was a better dancer than he was. I loved her, and was rooting for her because she was the underdog. Compared to every other dancer in the competition, she was superior. But Gilles has an insane amount of natural talent. He blew me away every week. It seems totally fitting that he was only one percentage point behind Shawn in votes. Well, fitting that they were only a percentage point apart. I just thought he would come out on top.

This is not to say that I'm angry, disappointed, or even confused. Shawn was incredible. She got my votes. I'm thrilled that she won. I was just suprised, that's all.

I've read 3 or 4 opinion pieces on the finale since I finished watching it, and I'm amazed how many furious people there are. There are multitudes of people (or so it seems - maybe more poor losers with way too much time on their hands?) who are swearing never to watch the show again because Gilles lost. Seriously, folks. Take a chill pill. It's a show. And it's not like Ty (bless his heart) won. He was adorable and I loved him to death, but the man was not a dancer. If he had won, some anger would be understandable. Still pointless, but understandable. However, that's not what happened. An excellent dancer won the show. In my mind, Gilles was maybe a hair better, but Shawn was in no way undeserving. And she rocked hard over the past couple of weeks. She deserved to be neck-in-neck with Gilles. Just because your favorite dancer lost, doesn't mean you have to throw a temper tantrum, kids. Seriously, there are more important things in life.

And it's not like losing to Shawn is going to be the end of the world for Gilles. I can only imagine what kind of opportunities have arisen for him, thanks to this exposure (no pun intended). He's proven that he's a talented performer, and has increased his fan base by leaps and bounds. Not only that, he's a dancer now. One more thing to add to the resume. He'll be fine. I expect we'll see a lot more of him in the future.

What it really boils down to, for me, is this: Great job, Shawn. You earned it. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. They're just jealous. They wish they could be cool like you. :)

Mama Mia!

Happy Mother's Day to the bestest Mom in the world! Don't worry, I know that's poor grammar. She taught me better than that. :)

I'm going to rip off something my baby sis did, and list the top 10 reasons why my Mama is the "bees' knees." Or is it the "bee's knees"? Just how many bees are we talking about, here?

Here we go!
10) My mom once dressed up as a tattoo artist, complete with ratted hair, "REPENT!" t-shirt, and multiple tattoos (including one on her forehead) for career day when she was a teacher at my school.

9) When my sister and I get into "your mom" fights ("that's weird," "you're weird," "your mom's weird!") she jumps right in and tells us that our mom is weird.

8) When she's excited about something, she does a little dance and goes, "Oh yeah! Oh yeah!"

7) When I was a teenager, she pretended to be excited about the things I was excited about, even when those things were actually making her very nervous (i.e. boys). As a result, I told her all sorts of stuff and always felt very close to her.

6) She's learning to hug like her dad (my Grandpa) does. It involves hugging as tightly as possible, then wrapping the arms together closer and tighter. They're the best hugs in the world.

5) Over Christmas in Africa, when my Dad asked her if she would join him in the shower, she replied, "Do I have to be dressed?"

4) She was my dieting partner one summer, and I lost 10 lbs. I've never looked so good! And I couldn't have done it without her.

3) She's attended every show, concert, play, etc. that I was in growing up, and as many as she possibly could since then. To be fair, she's lived halfway around the world for the past few years, which makes it difficult. Even with that, I think she's only ever missed 1 show.

2) After Evie was born, she came to visit us. She stayed up with Evie at night so that I could sleep, and helped a TON in getting Evie's sleep schedule adjusted so she was sleeping at night.

1) She's taught me everything I know about being a mom. I can't think of anything she did raising me, that I would do differently. I have an incredible relationship with my family, and I give a lot of the credit to her and the way she raised us. If I can do half as well with my kids as she did with us, my kids will be amazing. ("Oh yeah! Oh yeah!")

I love you, Mama. You're the best. Happy Mother's Day! :)

Craigslist Update

http://www.pcworld.com/article/164429/craigslist_faces_new_complaints_over_sexy_ads.html

So I came across this article while I was reading the news online. Since it had to do with my last blog entry, I figured I'd read it, and see if things are improving.

As it turns out, there are, in fact, states that are trying to get craigslist to remove their "erotic services" section from their state's site. It's really no wonder they're trying to combat this, given the huge prostitution business that goes on in craigslist. I think it's great that some people are trying to do something about this problem.

My shock, however, came when I read the posted comments. Not one person wrote anything positive. The overall tone of the comments was "Prostitution isn't going to go away, so stop fighting it." The comments suggested that there are more important battles to fight, that prostitution is just "fluff" and should be no one's business. If a guy wants to hire a hooker and have some fun, that should be his right, apparently. Never mind the poor girl trapped in a position where she has to sell her body to strangers on the street, who gets beaten regularly by her pimp, and who has absolutely nothing to show for this humiliation but nightmares and scars. Who cares about her?

One commenter went so far as to suggest legalizing prostitution!

How can anyone think, even for a second, that prostitution doesn't hurt anyone? How can anyone say that the battle against prostitution is mere "fluff"? How can anyone think that this is okay in any way, shape or form?

Let's be honest. As long as there are men willing to pay for sex, there will be prostitution. And with the world's increasing desire for youth and perfection, more and more of those hookers are going to be underage girls. The prostitution business has boomed in the past several years. As I mentioned in my last blog, it's gotten so bad that girls are being stolen from their own homes, snatched from the street, pulled into passing cars on their way home from school, etc. They're then forced into a life of hell that they can rarely escape from.

Don't tell me that prostitution doesn't hurt anybody.

What needs to happen (although, let's face it, it probably won't), is that soliciting a prostitute needs to be a huge felony. It needs to be a crime that comes with a good 5-10 years of jail time. The fear of getting caught just isn't strong enough to deter these men. If they get arrested, they barely get a slap on the wrist. But they're the ones fueling the situation. If no one was willing to risk paying for sex, the prostitution business would dissolve. So the punishment for the crime needs to be much, much harsher. Make it too risky to get caught with a hooker.

There also needs to be a program in place for the girls themselves. They're usually so terrified of displeasing their pimp that they refuse to cooperate with police. And as soon as they're released from prison, they go right back to the sonofab***h and start turning tricks again. Where else could they go?

I realize that the government doesn't have the funds to take care of these girls. But maybe getting the funds, and getting a program in place, needs to be a priority. When a girl gets picked up by police for prostitution, the last thing that she should have to do is go back out on the streets. If the girls had a safe place to stay, with counselors and other girls who have gone through the same thing, that would help them. If they could get away from the city where their pimp resided, and be given job training and the skills necessary to get a decent job, they could turn their lives around. They wouldn't have to live in fear anymore. They could gain some self-esteem, make friends, maybe even have a family. They could be happy.

I don't have the power to change things, but I know that there are lots of good people out there who feel the same way I do. It's my hope that, by writing this, more people will become aware of what's going on in this country. The more people know, the more we can do to fix the situation. Who knows, maybe someday I'll be rich and be able to fund a huge project like this. Probably not. But it's definitely a worthwhile cause, and if I ever have the chance to do something about it, I'm definitely going to take that chance.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke

Don't Forget Your Daughters

So we Tivoed what was supposed to be the documentary "Dear Zachary: A Letter To A Son About His Father", but actually was "Sex Slaves: The Teen Trade" and "Sex Slaves in the Suburbs." It was also a documentary, with two parts, but about a different topic (clearly). I went ahead and watched it.

It's shocking.

Young girls are being increasingly used as sex slaves, all over America. These are not all runaways or kids from broken homes, either. Girls are being kidnapped from schools, movie theaters, even their own homes, and being sold for sex.

They told one specific story about a 16-year-old girl who was lured away by someone she thought was a friend. This new girl started coming to school, and befriended the 16-year-old. She offered to take the girl to clean houses for the weekend with her "Dad" and earn some money. They convinced the girl's mother to let her go. Thinking everything was just as it seemed, the teenager didn't suspect anything until she took a drink of water and blacked out. When she woke up, she was being raped. She drifted in and out of consciousness over the course of 3 days, and was basically being raped every time she came to. She managed to place a call to her mother, but only got so far as "help me, Mama" before the line went dead. Because of that call, however, her family figured out something was wrong. The police said she was just a runaway, and that they couldn't help until she was missing for 72 hours. Frantic, the parents put up fliers and got help from outside sources (the kind that specialize in that sort of thing). While they were searching for her, the girl's 15-year-old brother spotted her in a car outside a gas station. He ran over, climbed into the car, and told her to get out. There was a man in the car who tried to stop the brother, but the 15-year-old pulled a knife on the guy and held him off so his sister could escape. It was days before the girl could be around any men - including her father or brothers. She didn't even recognize her own mother at first. Her clothes were torn, she had black eyes, she was bleeding heavily, and she had contracted multiple STD's. The hospital pumped a lethal amount of cocaine, meth, ghb, and other drugs out of her system. She was lucky to be alive.

This happened two years ago, and she's still trying to live with the scars. She actually saw one of the men who had raped her, while she was at the beach. He just looked at her, like what he had done to her was no big deal.

Unfortunately, her story isn't uncommon. Girls get pegged as "runaways" by the police, mostly due to the sheer number of girls that go missing. The police don't have the resources to chase every girl. So far too many of them slip through the cracks.

Drug traffickers have actually turned to human trafficking more in recent years. It's harder to get caught when you're a pimp. When you're selling drugs, you risk being caught with them on your person, or mistakenly selling to a police officer. When you're a pimp, the girl is the one putting forth all the risk. She's the one who gets caught.

The "product" is reusable and low-maintenance. The money goes entirely to the pimps - the girls don't see a cent. And the younger, the better. A young girl is considered cleaner, fresher, more beautiful - and have an innocence about them. That's why they're getting kidnapped. If a girl turns 5 tricks per night, at $100 a go, and a pimp has 3 girls, he's earning $1500 a night, 7 days a week. It's so easy, it's no wonder it's becoming so common.

Even craigslist is used to traffick girls. They put ads in the personals, selling sex. I had no idea! I've only ever looked at actual items on craigslist, like cribs and such. But cops are finding it all too easy to catch underage prostitutes, just by surfing craigslist. It's insane! I can't believe that the people running craigslist aren't doing more to prevent this sort of thing. Maybe it should be illegal altogether, having "personals" online. That would make things more difficult, that's for sure. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned meeting people? Sex has become way too casual in this day and age. One thing is for sure - I'm NEVER using craigslist again. I realize it may not be their fault that their website is being used for this sort of thing, but they don't seem to be doing anything to stop it, either.

This whole thing terrifies me. The world is becoming more and more evil at terrifying speed. What kind of evil surrounds us, when innocent girls are being forced to give up that which is most precious on a regular basis? I think I would literally go crazy if something like this happened to my daughter. I will do everything in my power to prevent this kind of thing from happening to her. I'm sure she'll be frustrated as she gets older, and call me "over-protective", but I don't care. I want Evie to be able to go out with her friends and have fun, but I'm going to be strict about it. She can only hang out with people who I know, and whose parents I am friends with. I don't want her walking to and from any place alone - she has to be with a group. Even two girls together can get snatched easily, so it's important that they stay in groups. I'm probably going to buy her a cell phone as well, and get whatever software I need to be able to track her location at all times. I know that lots of people would consider that a huge invasion of privacy, but as long as she's living in my house, it's my job to watch over her. When she turns 18, she can get her own cell phone plan and have her privacy. And it's not like I'll be sitting in front of the computer whenever she's out, watching her every move. But something like that would be very handy in an emergency.

Evie will probably hate me for all of this. But I would much rather have her grow up safe, whole, healthy, and hating me, than have something terrible happen to her. Just the thought of it leaves me cold.

Please, if you ever have a chance do something about this problem, take it! Terrible things happen when good people do nothing. Chances are, we'll never personally experience this dark side of the world we live in. But be aware of it. Protect your daughters. And remember in your prayers the ones who are already trapped and suffering. No girl deserves that.