I Stand All Amazed

President Monson gave a talk yesterday in the morning session of General Conference. More than any other talk over the weekend, that one has stuck with me powerfully.

Don't get me wrong, conference was great. I thoroughly enjoyed every talk. But this particular talk is one that I think I'll remember for the rest of my life.

He told the story of a woman living in East Prussia during WWII. Her husband was killed in one of the last battles of the war. That, in and of itself, was something that really moved me. Ben's in the military as well, so naturally I've thought about how my life would change if he were killed in battle. The fact that this good woman's husband died right at the end of the war adds an extra sense of tragedy to it. He made it through almost the entire war, just to die at the very end.

Anyway, after the war was over, East Prussia was divided up among Russia, Poland and Lithuania. The German citizens were forced to evacuate. This woman was forced to take her four small children and embark on a long journey with nothing but the clothes on their backs, and whatever small amount of goods could fit in her tiny wooden wagon. Almost everything they owned was left behind.

They suffered hardships on the road. She had to scavenge for food wherever possible, but with the thousands being evacuated and heading the same direction, food was scarce. As they traveled, winter set in with below-freezing temperatures. She and her children found themselves having to walk with cloth wrapped around their feet, because by winter their shoes had long since fallen apart. Their clothes were thin and ragged, and at night they only had a couple of thin blankets to protect them from the cold.

The woman woke up one morning to find that, during the night, her three-year-old daughter had frozen to death. Using the only implement she had - a table spoon - she dug a grave in the frigid earth and buried her toddler. Afterward, she took her three remaining children and continued on her way, leaving the tiny grave behind.

A few days later, her seven-year-old son died as well. Again she used the spoon to dig a grave, and buried her oldest child.

Not long after, her five-year-old son also succumbed to the harsh weather and lack of food. The spoon was put to use as a shovel a third time, and she was left with only her infant daughter. The baby was failing fast.

When the baby died, the spoon was too destroyed from the previous three burials to be of any use. The woman used her bare hands to dig the grave, tearing and bruising her fingers against the frozen earth.

After her final child was gone, she despaired. She began thinking of ways to end her own existence. She could jump in front of a train, or even just lay down and let the cold and starvation take her as it had her children.

A still, small voice prompted her to kneel down and pray. She rejected the idea, but again it came. Finally she fell to her knees and prayed for understanding, for help, even for death.

When she arose again, she was filled with light. Her prayers had strengthened her testimony, and her resolve. She knew, without a doubt, that she would see her family again. In spite of the pain of her present situation, she rejoiced in the knowledge that her family would be together forever, and that she would be able to raise those children to adulthood in the next life. She would be able to kiss her husband, hug her children, smile and laugh with them agan.

She felt the Lord's love for her. She knew that He wanted her to continue on with her life, and that He would be supporting her on the way.

When she arrived at her final destination, she was emaciated. Her face was grey and purple from the cold and hunger. Her clothes were tattered, and she could barely stand. But those around her said she was incredibly happy. She had found peace and joy in the knowledge that her Heavenly Father loved her, and that Jesus had died to make it possible for her to live with her family forever.

As President Monson was telling this story, my heart was breaking. With the death of every family member, my tears came a little faster and my heart felt a little heavier. When her final child died, I was thinking the same thing she had - "What's left to live for?" In the same situation, I, too, would have been looking for a way to die. I don't know if I would have had the same strength that she did, the strength to keep going. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me, but even that knowledge and the knowledge that I would be with my family again might not be enough for me. It would take an honest-to-goodness miracle to get me to where I'd be able to keep going, because I don't think I'd be able to get there on my own.

I hope that, in the next life, I have the opportunity to meet this amazing sister. Her trials and testimony have inspired me to face my own with more faith and better grace.

I, too, know that my Father in Heaven lives and loves me. I know that the Savior suffered all things in Gethsemane. He understands every pain I have felt or ever will feel. He's felt it all, so he has perfect empathy. He's the only person who does have perfect empathy, so naturally I should turn to Him when I need help and support. Who else can strengthen and support me so well? I also know that He died on the cross, and was resurrected three days later. Because of His sacrifice, He has made repentance possible. Because of repentance, we have a shot at living in heaven after we die. Without repentance, we would never be clean enough for heaven. But because Christ acted as a mediator, and paid the price of all our sins, repentance is possible.

I also have a testimony of eternal families. I have been sealed to my husband in the temple, which means our marriage will last forever. I feel like anyone who gets married "til death do us part" is getting a raw deal. If you really love your spouse, wouldn't you rather be with them forever? And because Ben and I are sealed together, any children born to us are sealed to us as well. Evie will be my daughter forever. Any other children I have will also be my children for eternity. Similarly, I will be my parents' daughter for eternity. They will always be my parents, and my siblings will always be my brothers and sisters. I have an incredible family, and I love them more than anything in the world. I am so insanely blessed to be able to be with them forever.

I hope that if I'm ever forced to face trials like the ones the East Prussia sister had to go through, I can have the same strength and faith that she did. Well, actually, I hope that I never have to face such overwhelming trials. But if I do, I hope I can overcome them, and come out stronger on the other side, just like she did.