A Two-Way Street

Wow! I really don't blog much anymore, do I? Well, hopefully I can get back into it this summer, while my husband is deployed and I don't have a lot to do. :)

I was thinking the other day (weird, I know), and I realized that, while I have lots of friends, I don't have many close friends. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I moved around so much growing up. Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about my upbringing! I think moving around was a wonderful thing for me, and is the reason that I became the person I am today. Moving around gave me experiences that I never would have had if I'd lived in the same place all my life. It made me a more open-minded, tolerant, understanding person than I probably would have been. You can't live in a dozen different places without getting to know hundreds of different kinds of people, and seeing the good in all of them, no matter how different they are from you.

So yeah, even though I hated it at the time, I absolutely see the value in the way I was raised. That's why I have no problem with being married to a military man, and raising my own children the same way. I know it will be really good for them.

The problem with moving around, though, is that it's really hard to make lasting friendships when you only get to know someone for a year or two. Once you move away, that pretty much fizzles out the relationship. At least, it's always been that way for me. I do have a few friends that I still keep in touch with, but it's just not the same once you don't live close by anymore. And most people, unfortunately, are pretty terrible at keeping in touch. I know, I'm one of them! There may be some contact through emails and sites like Facebook, but there's not much.

Sometimes it strikes me how sad it is that I don't have very many close friends. But, to be honest, my family are my best friends. And my husband is my absolute best friend in the entire world. So I can't complain. I've got it pretty good.

Still, women need other women to talk to. We're social animals, and we need that kind of interaction! I'm fairly good at introducing myself to people, although it takes me a while to get really comfortable with them. I manage to make a few friends everywhere I go. The thing is, though, that most people do have several close friends. Most people don't grow up moving all over the world. So, when I make friends with people, even though they consider me a friend, they rarely consider me to be one of their close friends.

For me, though, they are my closest friends! I don't have anyone else. So it's kind of unbalanced. There's always a sense of "I like them more than they like me." I'm not saying that my friends don't like me! But there's usually someone else that they like more. Someone may be my best friend, but I'm not usually theirs.

Again, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound sad or pitiful! I have a fantastic life, and I'm content with the way things turned out. I'm just trying to explain how most of my friendships tend to feel, so that you'll understand just how GREAT the next part is!

Here in Abilene, I feel like I've finally found a friend who actually likes me as much as I like her! Crazy, right? It's so great!

Part of it working out that way is probably due to the fact that her family moved here just a couple of weeks before we did. So, when we got here, she still hadn't had a chance to make many friends. The door was wide open. We each recognized that both of us were new, and decided that, since we didn't really have friends here yet, we'd befriend each other.

We were talking about it a couple of weeks ago, actually. One of our first weeks here in Abilene, I ended up sitting next to this fabulous lady at church. She mentioned that her husband was our home teacher, and we chatted for a while. I went home and told Ben, "I'm totally going to be friends with her." Little did I know, she said the same thing about me, to her husband! How funny is that!

It didn't happen right away, of course. She was so cool, and so pretty, that I wasn't entirely sure that she'd want to hang out with a geek like me (I'm not really as confident as I pretend to be). But she was totally friendly, too, and as time went by, we became friends. Now, she's my absolute favorite person in Abilene (excluding my daughter and hubby, of course. Family first!). We talk on Facebook, and I end up laughing so hard that Ben has to check on me to make sure I'm not having a stroke. We hang out, our kids play together, we come up with evil schemes, and hold wagers on things like who can read Harry Potter the fastest. We're planning a sleepover for when our husbands are both out of town. She even let me give her a makeover (not that she needed it)! What, are we 12??? Yeah, pretty much.

I'm actually looking forward to being here in Abilene for the next three years. As much as I hate how hot it is, and as much as I hate Ben having to be deployed all the time, I get the impression that I may finally be forming a lasting friendship. I have the feeling that, once one or the other of us moves away, that's not going to be the end of it. I have very few friends that I can say that about, so it's really exciting!

I could be entirely wrong, of course. Maybe she doesn't actually like me as much as I like her. But if that's the case, she hides it well, so that's good enough for me. It's such an odd feeling, having that kind of friendship! It's great, though!

It's like I told her the other day, "I'm sorry you had to move to Abilene, but I'm so glad you're here!"

A Year in Retrospect

So, I haven't blogged in a long time. For some reason, I just don't do it much anymore. So I thought I'd take a page out of my sister's book, and talk about the past year.

In January, we were living in Oklahoma while Ben was finishing up his pilot training. The weather was nuts! One day, we had clear, beautiful spring weather, and the very next day we had our biggest snowstorm of the season. We attempted to make a snowman, but it really wasn't packing snow, so he was more of a snow blob. We loved him anyway.

Evie started dance classes, and she was loving it! We assumed we would be in Oklahoma until May, at least. We even booked a cruise based on this belief. After all, it was how things seemed to go for every other pilot graduate. They had a couple of months after graduation to get ready to move and to do some of their survival training. Why should we be any different?

The next month, we discovered that Ben's first post would be to fly C-130s in Texas! On a list of 23 possibilities, it was probably our 20th choice. Lucky us. Most people get somewhere in their top 5 choices. We were (understandably, I think) less than thrilled.

Graduation was good, though. Some of Ben's family got to come out and celebrate with us. Ben looked so handsome in his uniform, it almost made me feel better about the fact that they were shipping him off for water training immediately. And after water training, they sent him straight to Little Rock for 6 months of C-130 training. Literally right after. I think he got to come home for half a day. This meant that, not only did we have to cancel our cruise and pull Evie out of dance classes, I got to pack up our entire house completely by myself! Thanks, Air Force!

When we got to Little Rock in March, we bought a new car. Yay! We love him. Evie named him "Big Jet" after the bad guy in Little Einsteins. She'd already named our Camry "Rocket Car," after Rocket in the same show, so it seemed only fair. She did insist, however, that our Big Jet is a good guy. He's an '08 Rav4 and we love him - especially now that Rocket Car is starting to die. We went to buy Big Jet on a Monday, which meant he had to spend the whole time in his blues uniform. Poor Ben.

Also in March, Evie insisted that I take a bunch of pictures of her in her dance clothes. That girl LOVES to have her picture taken! And she's so adorable - how could I resist?

In April, of course, we had Easter. We were in a small, 2-bedroom apartment, and didn't have most of our furniture with us. Needless to say, there weren't a lot of good hiding places. But we did our best, and Evie enjoyed the Easter egg hunt, so I guess it was a success!

We went with a group of other parents and kids to watch the ducks march down the red carpet at the Peabody Hotel later in April. They come strutting down the red carpet to a John Philip Sousa marching tune, then climb the stairs into the fountain in the lobby and swim around there for a while. It was very cute, and extremely weird.

Evie participated in her first talent show in April, too! She sang "Once Upon a Dream" with her Dad. It took some work to get her started, but once she did start singing, she stole the show. At least, that's my opinion.

Ben got promoted to 2nd Lieutenant in May! Hooray for Ben! Hooray for a pay raise!

Near the end of May we had a long weekend, so the three of us and our friend Grant drove to Six Flags in Dallas. We played all that day, then stayed at a hotel that night. The next day, we went to the Ripley's Museum and the attached wax museum. We also went through a mirror maze. It was really fun, although not as fun as the cruise would have been. Yes, I'm still a little bitter.

Ben's birthday was at the very end of May, and I threw him a surprise party. Thank goodness he takes after my Dad, and is extremely easy to surprise. I love that about him. Evie asked me to get him a pinata, and helped me pick out a dinosaur for him. Besides Evie, there were no kids, only Air Force officers. So I got a soft bat, in the hopes that it would make the pinata last longer. No such luck - Katie decapitated the poor thing almost immediately. I should have seen it coming. Katie is freaking awesome.

We also went ice skating at the end of May. It was Evie's first time. She had a blast. Ben and me, not so much. You see, Evie's idea of ice skating is to dangle all of her dead weight from her parents' arms and let them slide her around the ice. It may look to the untrained eye like she's got a little of her weight on her skates, but trust me, she doesn't. It was the best workout I'd had all year!

In June, I had a birthday and Evie hit a couple of milestones. She was invited to her first birthday party. She got a big-girl bike with training wheels (it was a bike party), and ended up having her Dad push her most of the way. Still, she had fun, and she won the egg-carrying race for her team. :)

Evie also learned how to put her whole head under the water at the pool in June! I was so impressed, I don't think I ever got really comfortable with it until I was in swimming lessons. Evie is fearless. She'll even open her eyes underwater.

And, of course, in June we went to see Toy Story 3. We loved it so much that we immediately went to the store and spend about $60 on toys just like the ones in the movie. Curse you and your incredible movies, Pixar!!!

In July we decided that we might try looking into adoption. We saw, though, that we couldn't start the process until we moved to Texas, so it got put off for a while. We did take some nice adoption portfolio pictures, though, thanks to my beautiful and talented aunt, Kristi. Of course, those weren't actually taken until October. Still, July is when we got the ball rolling.

At the end of July, Evie and I left Ben in Little Rock and went to visit our family in Idaho. We went to the Hirschi reunion, and Evie won the "Miss America" contest with a monologue from Lilo and Stitch. Isn't she lovely? Isn't she a pearl?

We also attended Ben's family's reunion up in Island Park. It was right on the river, which made me a little nervous, but there were plenty of aunts and uncles helping to keep the little ones out of the river. And the kids loved it! They even caught a frog!

August was eventful because, first off, Big Jet got rear-ended by a drunk driver while my mom and I were in the car, on our way to get ice cream for my mom's birthday. Yes, it was her birthday. The driver hit us while we were stopped at a red light, then backed up and hit us again, in order to push us far enough into the intersection that he could drive away. Happy Birthday, Mom! Some nice girls chased him down for us and the police caught him. Thank goodness! The repairs were pretty expensive. The whole back of the car had to be replaced.

We went down to Utah to visit my siblings there (and because my mom had an eye appointment). While we were in Salt Lake, we visited Temple Square and went on a horse-drawn carriage ride. Evie was so excited about the horse. And it was just after dark, so the weather was cool and gorgeous.

At the end of August, my mom, brother, Evie, and I all went to Disneyland - another first for Evie. We got to California on a Thursday afternoon, so we decided to go to Santa Monica Pier for a while. It was beautiful!

We spent two days in the park. It was crowded and hot, but it was so fun! It's really all about atmosphere, is what we decided. On the first day, Evie got to meet Tinkerbell and Minnie Mouse. She was in heaven!

On the second day, Evie and I had a lunch with the Disney princesses planned. We dressed Evie up in her Belle costume. She looked so beautiful. It was fun, but she was less than impressed with the princesses - probably because none of them really look anything like the cartoons. The real highlight of the day for Evie was when Sully (from Monsters, Inc.) bowed to her and kissed her hand. She curtsied back (!!!so cute!!!), then ran up and gave him a hug. It was so. Freaking. Adorable. Anyway, Disneyland was a great success.September was fairly uneventful, because Mom and Joseph started school again. Evie and I got to visit with my dad, who was home for a vacation from Iraq, so that was great. Aside from that, all was pretty quiet. Ben was in survival training, and we got to see him for Labor Day weekend, but the rest of the time he was basically cut off from us. Stressful. On the up side, Evie wrote a letter to Santa Claus, her first letter that she actually wrote herself. I had to show her how to shape some of the letters, and help with the spelling, but she wrote it herself!
In October, Evie and Alyssa celebrated their birthdays together in Utah, and back in Idaho I took Evie's annual birthday pictures.

The next weekend, because Ben had finally finished survival training and was in Idaho with us (yay!) we had Evie's birthday party. Since she's an October baby, it was a costume party. Everyone dressed up - I was so impressed!

A couple of weeks later, we officially moved to Texas. We got to go to a couple of different Halloween parties, so Evie took the opportunity to wear different costumes to each one.

In November, we adopted a dog! We named him Bones McCoy. "Dammit, Jim, I'm a dauschund, not a scientist!" It took some work to get him housetrained, and he needs a bath every week or he gets really stinky, but we love him. For Thanksgiving, we made our own "Thankful Turkey," something we got from Ben's family. Isn't he cute??Thanksgiving was fun. It was just the three of us and Bones McCoy. We kept it simple, but it was really special all the same. We played games, ate good food, and the very next day we put up the Christmas decorations!

In December, Evie danced in The Nutcracker with her dance school (we enrolled her at the beginning of November). It was so cute. She looked completely comfortable on the stage - I was so proud!

After her show was done, we went back to Idaho to have Christmas with our families! We haven't had a chance to see both of our families for Christmas at the same time since... well, ever. My family is usually overseas. It was a great stroke of luck that both of our families were in the same city this year. It was a short vacation, but we loved seeing them. :) Did I mention that Evie got that dollhouse for Christmas? And that Ben made it with his own hands? Well, she did, and he did. And that's 2010 in a huge nutshell. Lots of milestones reached, lots of things going on, lots of laughter and joy. Let's hope that 2011 turns out so well!

A Good Old-Fashioned Rant

Today, I plan to cover a number of topics that have been on my mind lately. In the interest of full disclosure, I must warn you that I'm overly tired today, and increasingly moody. So this will definitely not be an unbiased rant. But unbiased rants are no fun anyway.

We'll let my disclosure statement lead us in to my first rant. The topic? Pregnancy symptoms when you're not pregnant.

I don't get them every month, but frequently, after ovulation, my body starts acting like it's in the beginning stages of pregnancy. I get sleepy, my nose starts picking up on smells that usually evade my detection, I have to pee every half hour, I cry at dumb things, etc. These are not normal things for me. And they tend to start a full week and a half before my period is due, so I know it isn't related to that. So my question is this: What the heck?!?! It's just not right. I mean, it's gotten to the point where the pregnancy symptoms don't get my hopes up anymore, but it still doesn't sit right with me that they're happening at all. It's just not fair. No one should have to deal with all the inconveniences of pregnancy unless they're actually having a baby! AmIright?

Granted, we don't know yet what my particular fertility problem is. It's possible that, on the months when these symptoms occur, I am in fact getting pregnant. But somewhere between the conception and the point where my period comes due, something isn't happening like it's supposed to and I'm losing the baby. That would mean I've lost about 15 so far. But that's far too agonizing to think about, so I'm not going to. I'm just going to rant.

Let's dwell on something a little less sad for a while. Have you read the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan? If you haven't, you should - but only if you have a LOT of free time on your hands, because the series is 12 books long so far, and it still isn't complete. Good books, but loooooooong.

There's this character in the books named Elayne, and I hate her. She's got to be the most annoying fictional character ever created, and I include Jar-Jar Binks in that category. She's a princess, and she acts like one - but not in the kind, sweet, lovable Disney way. No, she's a princess with a capital "B." Yes, that IS what I meant to type. She's ungrateful, spoiled, stubborn, and has a serious sense of entitlement. And yet, we're meant to like her! She's not a villain - she's one of the leading ladies! We're supposed to sympathize with her and feel for her. But every time she's in a section of the book, I roll my eyes and find myself thinking sarcastic thoughts.

She's beautiful, of course. She's talented. She's stronger in "the power" (you have to read the books to understand) than almost anyone alive. She's heir to the throne of her country, and she's in love with the hero of the books. In a word, she's perfect. Annoyingly so. That's bad enough.

But on top of that, Elayne is a brat.

A character named Mat saves her life multiple times. Rather than thank him, she sneers at him that she didn't need his help and would have escaped just fine on her own. Then, as he's trying to protect and help her - and even though he's intelligent and heroic (albeit cheeky and frequently sarcastic) - she treats him like a slow-witted serving boy.

Elayne spends a lot of her time rolling her eyes at the people around her and treating them like idiots, although she fails to recognize when she's being one herself. This is especially noticeable when she and Nynaeve are hiding with a traveling circus. She's quick to assume everything is Nynaeve's fault, and that she, herself, is entirely blameless. She also gives Nynaeve a lot of grief about the risque costume that Nynaeve is forced to wear, although Elayne's is far more revealing.

She puts herself in danger without thinking about the cost to the people around her, who often get hurt trying to protect her. As with Mat, she's rarely grateful for this. Rather, she believes that's how things are supposed to be. It's only right for people to die to protect their ruler.

The most annoying thing about Elayne, though, is when she forces the hero of the story, Rand, to sleep with her. She subsequently gets pregnant (of course), and spends literally ALL HER TIME complaining about how hard and uncomfortable pregnancy is. She also uses this time to blame Rand for all of it, because clearly, even though she forced herself on him, it's entirely his fault. Never mind that her gift with the power prevents morning sickness, and she barely gains any weight, and she wants more than anything to have these babies - she still complains non-stop.

"I have to drink milk instead of wine! Eeew!"

"I had to get brand-new beautiful princess dresses made! Waaah!"

"I'm barely showing, but I feel fat anyway because I'm conceited!"

"I keep having mood swings! Stupid Rand! This is all his fault!"

"I can't use my power, so it's like I'm an ordinary person!!! The horror!"

"People keep trying to protect me and my babies! They're treating me like an invalid, not letting me lead my army into battle and mud-wrestle alligators, just because I'm pregnant! It's not fair! Stupid Rand!"

Oh. My. Gosh. If she was a real person, I would punch her in the face.

Granted, none of the above are direct quotes from the books. But if you've read them, you know how accurate they are. And the problem is that the story is told from the perspective of the character you're reading about. So, when we're learning about what's going on with Elayne, we have to be in her head with her. And in her head, she is literally always thinking about her pregnancy and feeling sorry for herself.

The last book, number 11, was great. Elayne wasn't in it once. I wish they could all be like that.

Moving on!

Inflation is getting bad. Over the past few months, I've noticed prices more than doubling on some foods. Most pricing isn't changing quite that dramatically, but it's all climbing. As things stand at the moment, Ben's raises every year are barely improving our financial situation. And currently, the inflation is growing worse than it ever has been, and at an alarming rate.

I'm sure a lot of this has to do with all the money we're borrowing from China, and the trillions of dollars in spending that Congress is shoving down our throats. American money is becoming increasingly worthless. The problem is that people are still being paid the same amounts, so their salaries are essentially shrinking in value.

My particular beef, which I'm trying to get at, is with the government and their treatment of the military.

We didn't choose to have this spending bill shoved on us. We don't want that debt on our shoulders, and the shoulders of our children and grandchildren. But we haven't really been given any choice. The government made that decision for us.

That same government decides every year how much of a raise to give to the military. They do the raises every year to try and keep the salaries consistent with inflation, among other things. But this year, when inflation is worse than it ever has been before and is growing exponentially, they are giving the military the smallest raise they've had since it became an all-volunteer military in 1973.

Granted, it's gone up to 1.9% from the 1.4% Obama proposed back at the beginning of 2010. But still, that's peanuts. It's an incredibly tiny raise. Last year, we got a 3.4% raise. In 2009, it was 3.9%. 2008 was 3.5%. I could go on and on.

Do you see how insignificant this raise is? And with inflation growing, as I said, it's essentially going to be like taking a pay cut.

My question is, of all the places to cut spending, why cut the salaries of those serving in the military? I admit that I am extremely biased in this issue, because my husband is in the military, but even if that weren't the case I would find this atrocious. Why not cut the salaries of those serving in political offices? Maybe then the corruption would go down, because people would be serving because they want to make a difference, rather than just wanting power and wealth. Why not cut down the huge, life-sucking spending bill (which includes money for frisbee golf courses, among other ridiculous things)? Why not get more politicians to drive where they need to go, or fly on commercial airlines, instead of dishing out huge amounts of money to fuel their private jets?

If anyone deserves to be taken care of by their government, it's the military. Especially because it's an all-volunteer force. These men and women weren't drafted. They decided, of their own free will, to fight for their country. They did it because they believe in the freedoms we have, and are willing to die to protect them. They're willing to die to protect us.

People don't join the military to get rich. Nobody in the military makes a lot of money. Most get full tax refunds every year, because they don't make enough money for the government to take taxes out. The government tries to spin this as being a good thing ("Hey! Look! Tax refunds every year! Join the military!") but I think it's a travesty that they're paid so little. They're willing to pay the ultimate price for this country, but their country isn't willing to pay them very much for their service.

It's so sad. People in the military sacrifice so much. It's not just about whether they live or die, though. Even those that live to be 100 make huge sacrifices. There are children who learn to grow up without having Dad (or Mom) around, because he's off fighting. There are spouses who basically become single parents. There are holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays missed. Many of the men are deployed during the births of their children. They miss seeing their baby take his/her first step, or say his/her first word.

They spend their time with a bunch of other military servicemen, living out of tents, watching for attacks, eating cafeteria food, wearing the same thing every day, frequently missing out on baths and indoor plumbing, trying to kill evil men who want nothing more than to kill them first, and often seeing their comrades die right in front of them. They may come home with missing limbs, or other life-changing injuries. Many of them end up with psychological and emotional injuries, too. War is hell, and nobody knows that better than our servicemen and women. But they do it anyway. They fight, so the rest of us don't have to. They are heroes in every sense of the word.

And the government thanks them for this service by paying them next to nothing.

And too many of the people in this country thank them by throwing eggs at military funerals and shouting to the world that these brave soldiers deserved their deaths (There are not a lot of people who do this, granted, but even one is too many, and there are far more than just one).

And the press thanks them by slandering the good work they're doing, and finding reasons to portray them as bloodthirsty monsters.

The least they should get, the very least, is a decent pay raise every year so that they can provide for their families. But this year, they're not even getting that.

It makes me very sad.

After that emotional rant, I'm not sure that I have anything left in me to say.

Except maybe this...

Today is Veteran's Day, but it's not the only day that you can express your thanks to our brave men and women in the military. My hope is that everyone who reads this blog will remember that. If you see someone in uniform in the grocery store, at a restaurant, on the street, at the airport... take the time to thank them. It means so much to them to know that there are people who are grateful for their sacrifices. We can't do a lot about the press, the crazy anti-war protesters, or the government. But we can show our servicemen and women that their sacrifices aren't going unnoticed. Don't save your gratitude for Veteran's Day. Express it at every opportunity you're given.

All the Lucky People

You know, I'm not the kind of person to go after someone who has wronged me. I try to let things go, rather than seek revenge. I'm especially not the kind of person to sue somebody else. I've only ever seriously considered it once in my life, when I was injured during a theater performance. The contract was for the entire summer, and after I was hurt someone told me that the boss had said he wasn't going to pay me if I wasn't going to be working. Considering that I was hurt DURING a performance because the stage was sub-par, this seemed unfair. We needed the money from my salary, and it hadn't been my fault that I'd gotten hurt, it was the boss's fault for having a crappy stage. Anyway, it all turned out to be a misunderstanding - he still intended to pay me for the shows, just not for my hourly-wage day job in the kitchen. If I wasn't going to be working any of those hours, I wasn't going to be paid for them. This was like "duh" in my mind. I didn't expect to be paid for that, anyway. So it all blew over.

Anyway, that was the only time I thought about trying to sue somebody. But there seem to be several people I'm encountering this summer who are very lucky that I'm not the suing type.

Almost two weeks ago, on August 4th (my mom's birthday), we were rear-ended by a drunk driver. It was my car, and I was driving. We were stopped at a red light. He misjudged the distance he needed to stop, I suppose, and slammed into us pretty hard - hard enough to completely shatter my back windshield. It was gone. THEN, he hit us AGAIN, on purpose! He pushed us out into the intersection (fortunately, no more cars were coming from the other direction) in order to pull up behind us, turn right down the street, and make his escape. Some nice girls chased him until the police caught up.

Now, I get that he was drunk. His judgment was impaired. The biggest issue was that he decided to drive drunk in the first place. From that point on, every decision was a poor one. The worst decision (after deciding he was sober enough to drive) was when he hit us the second time, on purpose. That's assault. In fact, since he was in a car, it was assault with a deadly weapon. There were several witnesses to the fact that he hit us intentionally the second time. It would be so easy to sue the pants off the guy.

But we're not going to do that. My mom and I are (more or less) unharmed, the car was repaired in record time (to the tune of $6,500), and insurance is paying for everything. The guy who hit us, on the other hand, was arrested for DUI, leaving the scene of an accident, driving without current registration and insurance, and could easily be prosecuted for assault, as well. There's a good chance he'll spend some time in prison (aside from the time he spent there immediately following the accident). He may lose his job as a result, and in this economy, that can be devastating. His family will struggle. And as I said, I realize that his judgment was impaired. Hopefully this whole thing encourages him to be more careful in the future, and not drink and drive. If I hadn't been stopped in front of him at the intersection, he most likely would have shot straight through the red light. There's a good chance that he would have hit someone coming the other direction, and he or someone else may have been killed. If he's smart, he'll learn from this whole thing and count his blessings that things turned out as well as they did.

If he's not smart, he'll just keep up the drinking and driving until he kills himself or someone else. If he's incredibly stupid, he may even try to sue ME. It happens, crazy people exist. And, in that case, I'll be more than happy to counter-sue. It would be an easy win, especially with the multitude of witnesses. But I sincerely hope that he's intelligent enough to learn his lesson without all that.

The other people who are lucky that I was raised not to be the suing type are the people from the Riot Zone in Rigby, Idaho. Last night, Mom, Joseph, Evie and I went there to do some bumper-boating and go-carting. We went in the go-carts first. While we were waiting to start the race, the guy in charge went over the rules with us. "No bumping into each other" he said. "Stay completely clear of one another. And be especially careful of the cars with passengers, because those kids are small and could get hurt easily. Don't even come close to them." We listened to his advice, and ran a safe race. Then, we went over to the bumper boats for a little while. After that, we decided to do one more go-cart race.

We got there just behind a group of about 6 or 7 teenage girls. It looked like there was a mom with them, too. There was a different guy in charge, but he gave more or less the same rules before we took off, emphasizing again that no bumping was allowed. "If you bump into people, you'll be warned, and if you do it again, you'll be removed from the park."

I was the only one with a passenger this time, so Evie and I were at the back of the pack, right behind Joseph. He's a little slow because he can't totally see over the wheel, but he was going fast enough for it to be fun. The teenage girls, however, were driving pedal to the metal. I figured they would have to slow down behind Joseph like I did. That wasn't good enough for them, however.

Instead of slowing down, they started slamming into me from behind. Repeatedly. I had to slam on my brakes to let them by, to avoid getting smashed into a wall. Then, they went after Joseph. They DID slam him into a wall. I pulled into the pit early, and complained to the attendant. "They were smashing into us repeatedly," I told him. "I have a three-year-old with me. I didn't feel like we were safe."

After everyone else finished the race, we saw that Joseph was crying. His back had been injured from the girls smashing him into the wall. Mom pointed out to the attendant, as I had, that the girls were responsible. "I saw a little of it," he responded, then proceeded to tell the girls to line up at the gate so they could go again.

WHAT???

He didn't give them a warning, or even a glance. He certainly didn't try to forbid them from riding again, or kick them out of the park. He just ignored my mother and me, and let the girls go back to their insane, selfish enjoyment.

Mom and I were furious. As we passed the girls at the gate, Mom said, "Well, I hope you girls are proud of yourselves." I added, "Slamming into a car with a three-year-old? Good job, guys."

They had the decency to look ashamed. Slightly. Then they ran, giggling and screaming, back out to the cars to go again.

We went to the ticket booth to talk to the manager. We were told, "Oh, the manager is over running the go-cart area."

What the WHAT???

So the guy who ignored our complaints and Joseph's tears was the manager???

What is the point of having rules if you don't have the stones to enforce them? And isn't that, most especially, the manager's job???

Joseph was hurt, my three-year-old was endangered, and the manager himself showed a blatant disregard for the rules.

They are so lucky we're not the suing type.

We are, however, going to get in contact with the owner. Hopefully he/she has a little more love for the rules that they, themselves, set. I don't want the manager to get fired. I can understand where a situation like that can be intimidating, especially when dealing with a large group of girls who paid a large amount of money to ride. I do, however, want him to be encouraged to do his freaking job.

As it is, we certainly won't be giving them any more of our patronage. And we have no qualms about telling people what happened. If their business suffers a little bit because of it, that's fine with me. Maybe once they start enforcing their own rules, like they're supposed to, it will be a fun, safe place to go again.

ARGH! It's all so annoying!!!

Anyway, these kinds of things tend to come in threes. I wonder what's going to happen next? Hopefully nothing big enough for the possibility of suing to even be an issue. With any luck, it'll be something really mild, like stubbing my toe on a poorly-placed piece of building equipment while we're volunteers on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Those guys (and what they do for people) are so fantastic, that would be very easy to forget about and forgive. ;) And if it meant I got to be a volunteer, it's a trade I would take any day!

Here's to a brighter future! Fingers crossed!

Making the Case for Adoption

Ben and I are seriously considering starting the adoption process. We don't have a ton of money, but I think it's worth it to use what we have to adopt a baby. If we save all the extra money we have, and we're careful with our budget, I see no reason why we can't adopt, live comfortably within our means, and still work toward paying off our remaining debt at the same time. Going through LDS Family Services, we should definitely be able to afford it. We haven't decided 100% that we're definitely going to go for it, but I'm pretty sure that we are.

What I want to talk about today is the adoption option. Did you like how that rhymed? ;)

More specifically, I want to talk to all the unmarried girls dealing with unplanned pregnancies.

Adoption vs. Abortion

Statistics show that adoptions are down, and infertility is up. Despite the fact that there are more and more couples who desperately want to adopt kids, more and more mothers are choosing not to give their babies up for adoption. Instead, many of them are taking the "easy" way out, and getting abortions instead.

Now, I'm not a supporter of abortion, except in the case of rape, incest, or severe risk to the mother's health. I think getting an abortion is selfish. But I can understand why so many women choose to do that, rather than give their baby up for adoption.

When you choose adoption, that means you have to carry the baby to full term first. That's nine long months of nausea, swollen ankles, mood swings, cravings, and weight gain. That's nine months where people look at you funny, and judge you. That's nine months of having to deal with the real-life consequences of one careless night. That sucks. I get it.

Having an abortion is so much easier. You go in, you get it taken care of, and you move on with your life. No one even has to know that you were ever pregnant. It's so easy!

But the easiest way is not always the best way. It may be better for your own personal comfort. It may be better for your body (although that's not necessarily the case). It may be better for your social life. But those are all selfish priorities. Those are all reasons that are about you. There's no consideration for the baby at all. Generally speaking, being born is a lot better for a baby than being killed is.

I'm not saying that abortion is equal to murder. I'm not that extreme in my views. I have no idea when a fetus becomes an actual person, with a life and a spirit. I can't judge that.

But why, when there are so many loving couples who would be thrilled to take care of that baby, would you decide to scrape it out and throw it in the trash instead? I get it, it's easier. But you can't deny that it's selfish.

I think your conscience will rest much easier if you give that baby to someone who can love and nurture it. You have the ability to give a couple the greatest joy of their lives, if you choose to give your baby up for adoption. Choosing adoption is a completely unselfish choice. It's harder, physically and maybe even emotionally. You will feel that child grow under your heart for nine months. You'll feel the kicks, and the hiccups. You'll see the ultrasounds, and hear the heartbeat. You'll do all of that, knowing that the child won't be yours to keep. You'll be giving it away. That can be heartbreaking, even when you know it's the right thing to do. It's hard. But it's unselfish. It's about love.

By giving that child away, you're showing that you love your baby enough to want it to have a good home, with good parents who can give your baby everything. You're showing love for those poor, desperate parents, who want nothing more in the whole world than a child of their own. You're showing a love and respect for life itself, in choosing to let nature take its course, rather than getting an abortion.

I promise you, that you'll feel peace and joy in your decision. You'll feel much lighter, much happier, and much less guilty if you give birth and let someone adopt your baby. I can't imagine that anyone feels light, peace, and joy after an abortion. For your own peace of mind, if nothing else, adoption is a better option.

It's not easy. But it's worth it.

Granted, I want to adopt a baby, so I'm obviously biased in my opinion. But none of what I've said here is new. I've always felt this way, long before we decided to try and adopt. It seems logical. And it feels true. Please don't disregard what I've said, just because I want to adopt a baby myself. Think about it. What does your heart tell you?

There are so many couples like Ben and me out there, couples who want to adopt children. Couples who can provide for your child, protect your child, and love your child. We're good people. We're good families. I already have one daughter, and I can say with no doubt in my mind that she will be a phenominal big sister. She wants a little brother or sister so badly, she asks for one almost every day. Any child we adopt will be adored. We will love that child every bit as much as we love our own natural child. And we will thank God every day for the unselfish mother who put that child in our arms.

If you know someone who is thinking about giving their baby up for adoption, please refer them to us. We're pursuing all possible options. It's so important to us to have another child. Our family is not yet complete. If you, or someone you know, can bless our family with a baby, I hope that you'll think about it. And even if our family is not the right one for your child, adoption is still the better option. There are thousands of couples who can't have children, and desperately want them. You'll find a family that's perfect for your child. And they will praise you, and your decision to give up your baby for adoption, forever.

Choose adoption. It's about love.

Left Behind

When I got married, it was hard to keep up my relationships with my single friends. It felt awkward. A lot of the things I enjoyed doing as a single girl were no longer as interesting - like hanging out with the cute boys across the hall. As a result, I grew apart from those friends. Once they got married, it was easier to resume those friendships. It's like we were on the same level.

The same thing had happened when I went to college. My friends who were younger than me, and still in high school, got left behind as I moved on to new things and new experiences.

It happened again, to a smaller extent, when I had my first baby. It's easier for moms to relate to other moms.

I think that's why I'm so emotional right now.

I have several good friends who are due with their second children in a matter of days. The whole time they've been pregnant, I've been trying to get pregnant. For some of them, I've been trying to get pregnant with my second child since before they were pregnant with their first children, and now they're having baby number two.

I'm so excited for them. They're good friends, and their babies are going to be gorgeous. But part of me is sad and scared at the same time.

I don't want to be left behind.

I have a kid. I'm a mom. But being a mom with one child is very different from being a mom with multiple children. I've never had to deal with sibling rivalries, or jealousy, or staying up with the baby all night and still taking care of the other kids by day. There's so much that I just can't relate to. I love my friends, but I'm worried that they just won't be able to relate to me anymore.

Our friendships are already weaker than they used to be, just because I don't live near any of them and I probably won't again for a long time, if ever. Long-distance friendships are tough anyway. So I don't think it would take much more to dissolve the friendships completely. I don't want that, though. I love these ladies, and I value their friendship. And that's why this month is so heartbreaking for me.

Subconciously, I think I figured that if I could just get pregnant with my next child before they gave birth to theirs, we would remain on the same page. We would still be part of the same "type." I wouldn't be alienated from them any further.

This month was so promising, too. Everything, as far as I could tell, was perfect. I had a great feeling throughout the month that it was finally time. My BBT was picturesque. I was so sure that I was pregnant, I was starting to imagine how we would tell our friends and family. I was picturing finally meeting my new baby. I was trying really hard not to get my hopes up, but I found myself daydreaming anyway.

Then, of course, it turned out that I wasn't pregnant.

It's too late, now, for me to get pregnant before my friends have their babies. It's a silly thing, I know, but subconsciously it was very important to me. And I'm just now realizing why.

All my friends have outgrown me. Most of them are younger than me, for crying out loud! Many of them didn't even get married until after Evie was born, and now they're on kid #2! I had a huge head start, and now I've fallen completely behind.

The most ironic part is, I'm the only one of my friends (that I know of) that wanted kids immediately after I got married. Ben wanted to start a family right away, too. We didn't use any kind of birth control. We both wanted a big family, and we couldn't wait to start.

Even so, it took 9 months of trying to conceive before we got pregnant with Evie. Now, after 5 years of marriage, she's still the only one we have. And we've been trying for #2 since before Evie's first birthday.

Let's be honest - it's not fair. Good thing we knew that life wasn't fair to begin with, or we'd be feeling really disillusioned by now! Still, wouldn't it be nice if the world actually worked the way we all wish it did?

Part of the struggle I'm having, I think, is not just because my friends are all moving on with their lives, reaching points that I can't seem to get to. Part of it is that they are mostly all younger than me, some by several years. They're young, and many still have a good 15 years of childbearing potential ahead of them. They also have the fertility to back it up if they choose to.

I'm turning 28 next week. I hate it. I hate being so much older than my friends. I'm even a year older than my husband. And all I can think about is, that I only have about 10 years left where I'll even be able to get pregnant. And with the amount of time and difficulty this is taking, it's a very real possibility that we'll never get that big family we dreamed of from day one. My time already feels like it's starting to run out.

There are just so many things pressing down on me right now, to make this month's disappointment greater than usual. I'm happy to say, however, that I don't have any bitter or harsh feelings towards any of my friends. A year ago, that would not have been true. I would have been angry and resentful at their good fortune and my lack thereof. That's the one blessing I've gotten from this difficult trial. I've learned to let go of my anger and envy, and just love my friends. I'm genuinely happy for them. Considering all the pain and frustration I felt in the past, that's a minor miracle in itself.

My sadness comes, as I said, from feeling like I'm being left behind; that I'm getting old; that I'm a failure compared to my friends. I even feel like I'm a disappointment to my sweet husband, who wanted a big family as much as I did. He doesn't feel that way, he's still crazy enough to think he's lucky to have me. But I feel like I'm less than he deserves.

Anyway, that's why this month is a tough one. I still have hope that we'll have more kids. I believe in my heart that we will. It's just a matter of time, and I'm learning patience.

I just hope, in the meantime, my friends don't forget me completely.

Let's Pep Things Up!

Okay, that last blog was depressing. I apologize. It was really just one of those days. There's probably a grain of truth to it all, but I really shouldn't have made things sound so dire. There's no nobler calling in the world than being a mother and a wife. Especially being a mother. Just think what a better place the world would be if every child was raised in a loving, supportive home and taught hard work and respect? The world would be well on its way to harmony and peace, I'll tell you that right now. We could solve all the world's problems if that were the case. Saying otherwise, even just when venting my feelings on a blog, is doing motherhood a huge disservice. So, I apologize.

I also need to apologize to my husband. I didn't realize, when writing that blog entry, that he would be portrayed as indifferent, lazy, or entitled. He's not any of those things. All I meant when I said that he could relax and I couldn't was that Evie lets him relax! lol! Seriously, he tries hard to keep her out of my hair when I'm taking a break, but it's difficult. I'm so tuned in to her that my ears have super-hearing when it comes to Evie. I can hear her whining, crying, yelling, etc. even when she's in a different part of the house - and I can hear what she's fussing about. Frequently, it's because she wants me. I'll let Ben handle it a lot of the time, but if she's getting to the point where she's having a meltdown I feel obligated to get up and take care of things. Ben can handle it, but I feel like it's part of my job as the mom to do what I can for my child, even if that means I don't get a lot of down time. Ben does a lot of the chores, too, to make things easier for me, and he even takes Evie out of the house to play sometimes so I can really take a break. He's a gem, that man. Yes, he takes time for himself to read books or play on the computer, but he deserves it. And if I need his help with anything, he puts down whatever he's doing and helps me, no questions asked. I have one of the best husbands in the world, and in my moody, self-absorbed state during the composition of my last blog, I truly didn't see how he would be portrayed by my words. So, Ben, I'm sorry. You're incredible, and I shouldn't have ever made it seem otherwise, even unintentionally.

So! There you have it. Yes, I was having a bad day, but no, most of what I wrote isn't the way things really are. It's an exaggeration. Yes, I wish I had friends to go out with. Yes, I wish I had some sort of hobby that took me out of the house every once in a while. Yes, I sometimes feel like Evie doesn't really need me much anymore, and that my family would be fine without me. Not better off - never that, I know my own worth better than that - but that they would be fine. When I'm in my right frame of mind, though, I see that I'm vitally important to my family's well-being. Ben may be the head of the family, but I'm the heart. All the things I was feeling and expressing had some validity, but not to the extreme that I portrayed. My life is a beautiful one, and I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade it for anything. I might change some things here and there (A lead in a musical in my free time? Yes, please!), but I would never want to give up my position as wife and mother. I love it, and I love my family.

So, there you have it.

And now, for your entertainment (and to further pep things up): Evie and Cassie in a funny hat!