One is the Loneliest Number

Loneliness sucks. My husband is my best friend, and he's wonderful, but he's a guy. I can't talk to him in the same way or about the same things that I do with my girl friends. I have Evie, and she's a girl, but with her only being 2 years old it's hard to have a good conversation with her.

Back when we were posted at Hill, I had two best girlfriends that were amazing. We did all sorts of stuff together. One of them lived just a few buildings down from us in our apartment complex, and rarely a day went by when we didn't talk or get together. When we said goodbye last month (she on her way to Florida, me on my way to Oklahoma), we agreed to keep in touch. We both recognized that literal distance between people can cause emotional distance as well, but we wanted to do our best to remain great friends.

I didn't expect the friendship to evaporate so quickly.

Since we moved here almost a month ago, I've received maybe 2 or 3 emails from her, and one phone call. From my other friend, who also moved to Florida, I've received a couple of emails as well, but no phone calls. I imagine it's not so hard for them to have moved, because they still have each other. I'm the one who got left out.

I've been trying to make friends here, but the girls are pretty set in their friendships already. They invited me to lunch once, and sometimes I say hi to one of them at the gym, but beyond that I haven't felt too included. At church, I sit by myself. I get to Relief Society pretty early, so I try to sit somewhere desirable, so people will sit next to me. Last sunday, the closest person to me was two seats away, on my right. On my left, the closest person was three seats away (I'm talking empty seats, not one empty seat and then a person. The closest person came after two empty seats). I was the only one sitting so completely alone. Let me tell you, it felt great.

I've tried to be active with the Church and the women here. I've accepted whatever invitations have come my way. I've talked to people I meet at the gym. I joined the ward choir. I've been social. But no one seems too interested in getting to know me.

There is another couple from Hill AFB that has moved here, that we know. The wife and I get along fine, but we've never been really close. I was hoping that when they moved here, she and I would get to know each other better. But as it turns out, she already has friends here - people from BYU ROTC that I didn't know (they were a class ahead of Ben). These are people from church, who haven't even talked to me, but are good friends with the couple we know. So there's no real motivation for her to get to know me better. She's not lonely like I am.

I can't remember the last time I felt so isolated. It's like people are making a mild effort to talk to me, so they can feel like they've done their good deed for the day or something, but they're not really putting their hearts into it. I'm trying my hardest. I'm as friendly and smiley as I can be, but no one cares about actually getting to know me. Despite my efforts to stand out and be noticed, I must not be too memorable.

It sucks, because I really am trying. I don't know what else I could possibly do.

The worst thing is the feeling that I've been abandoned by my two best friends, the ones in Florida. They're not lonely, because they have each other. I don't think they understand what I'm going through, or how I'm feeling. I've been emailing them regularly, but I rarely hear back from them. They don't need me like I still need them. And I can't help but wonder if we were ever really that close, if they can forget about me so easily now.

All I can say is, thank goodness I still have Ben. If I was doing this completely alone, I probably would have given up by now and moved back home with my parents. I'm a person who needs other people. I like to be helpful, to feel needed. I enjoy getting to know other people. I need to be liked, not by everyone, but at least by someone. I guess Ben is that "someone" here. I love him more than I've ever loved anybody, but it's not the same as having a girl friend.

Women need other women. Without them, it's very easy to feel loneliness and despair.

I wish I knew what to do about it.