Fambly

This is me and my fambly. I love this picture, we'll probably use it on our Christmas cards this year. I have to admit, I was really hoping to be able to sign them "Ben, Cassie, Evie, and Baby" but it doesn't look like that's going to happen.

I did go to the doctor today, however, to see if he could tell me why I haven't been able to get pregnant. He did come across something in the exam (don't ask me, I'm not sure what part it specifically was) that he said was a little off, but he said that it wouldn't prevent me from getting pregnant, it would just make it a little harder. So maybe that's what the problem has been, but just in case I'm going to use an ovulation test thingy to make sure that I'm actually ovulating every month.

Good times.

Anyway, you'd think that this kind of information would be really frustrating for me, since it seems like maybe there really IS a problem, but I'm actually feeling happier than I have been in a while. I think it's because I'm actually DOING something about it. It's not just up to guesswork anymore, I'm getting help. It makes me feel a lot less helpless. Granted, it doesn't mean getting pregnant will suddenly be easy, but at least I'm not so in the dark about it anymore.

So, today I was playing Christmas carols on the piano so Evie could experience them. She pretty much ignored me and focused on systematically removing everything from my purse and throwing it on the floor. I tried to explain to her that one day the sound of Christmas carols would lift her spirits and make her feel happy and nostalgic all at once. She didn't seem to care. Granted, she's only 2, and I don't think she knows what "nostalgic" means.

I'm excited, though, because although this is not her first Christmas (it's her third), this is the first one that she's really old enough to appreciate the holidays. Last year we tried to sit her down on Christmas morning to open her presents, and she got really angry that we were trying to keep her in one place. She didn't open a single present. She just left the room in search of her grandparents' cat. It was kind of a let-down after all the excitement I had buying her presents and imagining her reaction. Anti-climactic, if you will.

But this year she understands presents. She had a blast on her birthday, and lately she's been carrying around a gift bag and presenting it to me, or her Dad, or her favorite stuffed animals and telling us "Happy Birthday!" It's pretty cute. She's also old enough to sit through Christmas movies like The Grinch or Rudolph. She loves that kind of thing. I think she's probably ready to start hearing Santa Claus stories as well, and start learning how the whole present thing works (writing a list, mailing it to Santa, leaving out cookies, etc.). She already has learned a lot about Jesus, and I think being able to tell her that Christmas is Jesus' birthday is something she'll get right away. She's a smartie, and she loves birthdays.

So this year will be a lot of fun for us. We're not going to spend Christmas with any relatives, which is exciting too, although in a mixed way. We love seeing family, especially around the holidays, but there's something really exciting about having our first Christmas with just our little family. When the kids are excited, it gets the parents excited as well, and this is the first year Evie will understand enough to be excited. I'm saying "excited" a lot. EXCITED! Wow, that's a weird-looking word. Anyway, it should be a lot of fun.

We found out today that we're number 2 on the waiting list for on-base housing in Oklahoma. This is a huge relief to me, because I was afraid we'd be in temporary housing for Christmas, without our tree or decorations or piano or any of that. I'm still sighing in relief. We should, with any luck, be able to move into a house right away. We're not leaving for another 2 1/2 weeks, so we should definitely have moved all the way up the waiting list by then. I'm so happy about that.

At the same time, I can't believe we're moving in 2 1/2 weeks! It feels like it's still so far away. This is probably because we don't have a set moving date yet, and also because we don't have to pack any of our own stuff. Normally we'd have half our stuff in boxes by now (well, not really. But in a perfect world. If we weren't huge procrastinators), but because the Air Force takes care of all of that for us, we don't have to worry about it. We can keep our things pretty much where they are until the movers come do it all for us. I have to admit, that's one of the best things about the military. They make you move around a lot, but at least they do the packing and moving for you. I hate packing with a violent, fiery passion.

It seems like a lot of things are happening and changing all at once. I don't think it's entirely a bad thing, but I'm too nervous to see all the good at this point, either. There are a lot of unknowns in the future. It's scary, just hoping everything happens the way you've planned. I know we'll be fine, but I'm nervous all the same. I'm leaving behind friends and family. It's going to be hard to call a new place "home" when I hardly know anyone there. I know I'll make new friends, but there will probably always be a part of me that's scared people won't like me.

I guess no matter what happens, at least I'll have Ben and Evie. My little fambly. :)