24 Days of Thanksgiving - Day Seventeen

Today, I'd like to talk about all the friends that have blessed my life.

Obviously, I can't talk about every single person I've ever had the honor of calling my friend, because that would take forever! But I can talk about what they've meant to me.

I've lived all over the world, which means that I've had the privilege of getting to know many, many different people. I didn't get along with everybody I met, of course, but the majority of the people I got to know became friends.

Friends are so important. No matter how wonderful your family may be, or how many talents you have, or how much you enjoy solitary activities (like reading), life isn't complete without friends.

Everyone needs someone they can talk to, laugh with, and lean on. Family may fill this position for a lot of people, but what happens when it's your family that's driving you crazy? You need a friend who's outside the situation, who can lend some perspective.

Plus, you can be a different, better version of yourself with your friends. Every time you make a new friend, you get a chance to make a new impression. You can put your best foot forward. They don't know what mistakes you've made. They don't know your darkest secrets. They don't have any memories of you doing embarrassing things as a child. It's a clean slate!

The best friends, of course, learn about all those secrets and memories as time goes by and they get to know you better. And the very best friends don't care about your flaws. In fact, sharing those flaws with each other makes your relationship stronger.

Most of my friends are the kind from whom I hide my very worst flaws. They don't know me as well as my family and closest friends do. This is probably because I move so often that I never have the time to develop deeper relationships. I value those friends, and I'm grateful for them, but our friendship isn't the kind that usually brings meaningful change to one another's lives.

I do have a few friends, though, that have changed my life. I talked about most of them in depth two years ago at Thanksgiving, so I'm sure they know who they are. I also have a new friend who has become one of the best friends I've ever had, but she'll get her own post tomorrow. ;)

The best kind of friend is the kind that makes you a better person. They build you up when you're down. They're aware of what's going on in your life, and support you in whatever you're doing. They give you good advice when you're lost, and are grateful for the advice you give in return. They keep you from doing anything blatantly stupid, and help you recover when you're stubborn enough to do that stupid thing anyway. They forgive you when you're at your worst, and love you in spite of your flaws. And even if you move far away, when you see each other again it's like you were never apart.

I know that a large part of who I am today is because of the friendships I have had in my life. I'm so grateful for my friends and for the roles they have played in helping me grow as a person.

This blog is for you, guys! You're the best! I love you all!

24 Days of Thanksgiving - Day Sixteen

I'm grateful for God's tender mercies.

When I first heard the phrase "tender mercies," I didn't really understand what it meant. It seemed like a vague concept to me. On the whole, it sounded nice, but pinning down a specific example was difficult.

Over the years, though - especially as a mother - I've come to understand the phrase. I've seen countless examples in my life. And I've learned to truly appreciate what a gift they are.

For those of you who, like me, may not fully understand what tender mercies are, I'll try to explain.

Life is beautiful, but it isn't fair, and it isn't perfect. We're here on this earth to be tested, and most of those tests come in the form of trials and suffering. God allows us to suffer, and to feel pain, so that we can learn from it. Through our trials, we have the opportunity to grow. The test is whether or not we choose to embrace those opportunities.

God isn't impervious to our pain, however. He recognizes how we're feeling, and grieves at our suffering. He doesn't put us through hard times because it's fun for Him. He does it to teach us and help us grow. And because He's a loving, caring Father, He blesses us with little comforts in the midst of our struggles. Just when things are darkest, we frequently can discover a little ray of sunshine that lifts us up and gives us strength.

Those little rays of sunshine are tender mercies.

Here's an example. Last night, Evie wasn't feeling well, so she put herself to bed early. Before she'd been there more than an hour, though, she got sick. Her hair, nightgown, and bedding were all covered. We cleaned up the bed, gave her a bath, and put her back to sleep with a big red bowl by her side.

She proceeded to be sick every hour or two through the night. My poor little girl couldn't even keep water down. And because Ben had work the next day, I was the one who had to get up with her every time. I would rinse out the bowl, comfort her, and put her back to bed.

Needless to say, it was a long night.

This morning didn't start off a whole lot better. She continued to be sick at regular intervals. Friends on Facebook warned me about the bug going around, and how some of the afflicted had been sick for two full days before it passed. I found myself worrying about what would happen if all three of us were sick at the same time. With all of us out of commission, who would take care of our family?

I ran to the store for gatorade, pedialyte, jello, saltines, soup, juice, etc. I came home to find my little girl cheerfully watching TV on the couch. She had thrown up around 9 AM, then... felt better.

At the moment, it's after 5 PM, and she still hasn't been sick again.

In spite of the warnings that the bug would probably last two days, she was sick for only about 12 hours. The night had still been long, there had been lots of unpleasant cleaning I'd had to do, and my little girl was definitely miserable. But the illness hadn't held on to her as long as it could have. She still has a fever, but she's not throwing up anymore. If I become sick now, that's one less person who will need my constant attention.

And that, my friends, is a tender mercy.

Sometimes people miss the tender mercies in their own situations. It's understandable. As a species, I think humans tend to be more keenly aware of the negative than the positive. That's probably why the news is full of tragedy and horror. Very rarely do they print articles about good things. And I know that parents (myself included) tend to be very vocal to their children when those kids are misbehaving, but often forget to let those same children know when they're doing something wonderful.

With such a strong tendency to hone in on the negative, it's very easy to miss the positives. But they're always there. All you have to do is look for them.

What are some of the tender mercies you've noticed in your own life? I'd love to hear about them!

24 Days of Thanksgiving - Day Fifteen

I had a nightmare last night.

I dreamed that my sweet husband came to me with a confession. "I cheated," he told me.

Knowing my husband as well as I do, and knowing how deep his love for me goes, I assumed it was nothing more than a kiss. Even so, my heart started pounding. My chest felt tight, and I was afraid I might faint.

"Remember in college, when I had early morning classes?" he asked. "I didn't really have class. I was hooking up in an empty classroom with a girl I know."

I was dumbfounded and on the verge of tears. We got married in college, which meant this was going on while we were newlyweds. What had I done to make him want to stray??? Is it because I made him help me with the dishes, because we were both going to school and working??? What was wrong with me that I wasn't enough for him???

But the pain didn't end there. The blows kept on coming.

"Don't worry," he reassured me, "I ended it a while ago."

"How long ago?" I whispered.

"About a year."

We've been together for seven years. Throughout our entire marriage, he had been cheating on me.

Then he dropped the big bomb. "I broke up with her when she told me she was pregnant. I knew that would break your heart."

"You have another kid???"

"Two, actually."

At this point in my dream, I lost it. I started sobbing. "So here we've been trying for four years to get pregnant, and you've been giving another woman the babies that you were supposed to be giving me????" The pain was like a knife stabbing through my chest. I wasn't able to give him another child, but this fertile home-wrecker had given him two others! My security, my self-worth, and my marriage were shattered.

Then I woke up.

The biggest problem with shaking this nightmare off was that Dream Ben was exactly like Real Ben. So when the confessions of infidelity came, it was unexpected. And my dream self didn't recognize that Dream Ben wasn't the real thing, because he was exactly like the real Ben.

Usually when I have a bad dream where Ben breaks my heart somehow (and I have a LOT of them. I think my brain hates me), he's different. I can tell it's not the real Ben. He's "off" somehow.

But like I said, this Dream Ben was indistinguishable from Real Ben. So when I woke up, I was afraid to wake Ben up and talk to him, even though I desperately needed reassurance. My brain knew that it had been a dream, but it had felt so real that my heart was afraid. I was worried that if I woke him up, he would tell me that my dream had been true, and that he had cheated on me. My heart and my brain were at odds.

After several agonizing minutes, my brain finally won, and I woke Ben up. He was immediately concerned about why I was so upset at 4 AM. I started telling him about my dream, crying hysterically, pausing frequently to blow my nose. He, of course, held me and reassured me that it had just been a horrible dream. And he repeated the same words he has reassured me with throughout our entire marriage: "That would never happen."

And despite my dreams, I know for a fact that it's true. Ben would never cheat on me, not in a million years.

There are few things in life that are truly certain, but Ben's love for me (and vice versa!) is one of them. He is not the kind of man who would cheat in the first place. He takes his vows seriously. And on top of that, he's head-over-heels in love with me. There's no way he would ever be unfaithful.

But last night I got a taste of what it must feel like to be one of the thousands of wives whose husbands do cheat. And it was one of the most horrible experiences of my life. I doubt that I will ever forget that nightmare.

But I was lucky, because I woke up. There are so many women in the world who have to live through their nightmares, with no escape.

I was talking to someone a few weeks ago who said, "Sometimes it isn't the man's fault if he cheats."

His explanation was that he had a friend whose wife was very cruel and cold. They'd tried counseling, and it just didn't help. She was awful, so it made sense that his friend would look elsewhere for love and gratification.

My response was, "It is never okay to cheat. If things are that bad, and you desperately want to look outside of your marriage for love, get a divorce! Divorces may be painful, but I guarantee that cheating will be more painful, especially for your spouse. Adultery is sneaky, selfish, and it shatters people's self-esteem. Whatever difficulties you may have with your spouse, you made them a promise when you agreed to marry them. Going behind their back and betraying them so completely is never an acceptable alternative."

That's my opinion, and nothing will ever change my mind.

I hate that cheating has become accepted as "normal" by so much of society. People don't even flinch anymore when they hear about it. Often, they'll even blame the spouse - the one who stayed true to their marriage vows. They should have done more to keep their spouse interested! Maybe they shouldn't have gained that weight! They're cold and mean, so it's their own fault!

Blaming the victim? That's truly despicable.

I think people forget, or maybe don't realize, how agonizingly painful it is for the person whose spouse has strayed. Divorces may be hard, but finding out that your spouse has been unfaithful is agony.

Nobody deserves that kind of pain.

I'm so grateful that I'm married to a man who loves me, respects me, and honors our commitment to one another. When he tells me that he will never, ever stray, I know that he's telling me the truth. I know that he's a man of integrity, who loves God and hates adultery. I know that he would rather die than cause me to feel that kind of pain.

I'm blessed to have such a secure marriage. That doesn't mean we don't have to work at our marriage, but it does mean that when I send him off on a deployment for months at a time, there's one less thing I have to worry about.

And I'm grateful to know that the nightmares will always end when I wake up.

24 Days of Thanksgiving - Day Fourteen

I wasn't sure what to write about, so my friend Juleigh (who will get her own post in a few days!) gave me the idea to write about technology.

I already covered the joys of modern medicine, but let's face it, that's just one small aspect of what this day and age has to offer!

I know a lot of people roll their eyes at the internet, and talk about how it's ruining "real" relationships. People no longer connect on a personal level! Everything is cold and anonymous! And in a way, I can see how that might be true for some people. For me, though, it's just the opposite.

Being married to a military man means that I'm usually living far away from the rest of my family. I rarely get to see them, and with all of us so busy in our everyday lives, we don't have time to talk on the phone as much as we'd like, either.

By emailing each other, blogging about our activities, and stalking each other on Facebook, we're able to keep up with one another's lives in a way that would be really difficult otherwise.

Skype is another great invention! The times when we are able to talk to one another on the phone can be made that much more special with Skype. That way, we not only are talking to each other, but we can see each other!

This has been a valuable tool at times. When my sister had her baby (my first blood-related nephew!), we weren't able to be there. But we got to Skype with them right away, and I was able to see the cute little stinker through the web camera.

Similarly, my parents and in-laws are able to keep up with my daughter, and see how much she's growing, by talking to her on Skype. It means we can feel a little bit more involved in each other's lives, despite the distances between us.

Needless to say, Skype was also my favorite thing when my sweet hubby was deployed to the middle east. I not only got to talk to him regularly, I could see his handsome face. It was way better than a plain ol' phone call.

Another great thing about technology is that I can take pictures, put them directly onto my computer, then post them on the internet. That way, no matter what computer I'm on, I have access to them. If my house burns down, or my computer crashes, it's okay! Those precious memories are safe. As a photo bug, I'm so grateful for that fact! I document so many aspects of my life, it would be heartbreaking to lose my pictures. The photos help keep the memories clear and fresh. So I'm definitely grateful for technology when it comes to preserving memories through photography.

Then we come to the greatest invention of all time when it comes to getting around town: the GPS! As a family frequently on the move, we have to learn a new area every couple of years. It can be tricky. Before we had a GPS in our car, I would have to print directions off of Google (thanks, technology!) before I could go anywhere! Maps were okay for getting around the country, but for individual cities, it was hard to use a map. So Google it was! And it was time-consuming and annoying. Now, though, I can just pop the address into the GPS and get step-by-step instructions! It's like "Navigation for Dummies!" And yes, I'll admit that I totally fall into the "dummy" category when it comes to navigation. The GPS is a lifesaver.

And though they're not as new a technology as GPS, cell phones are a valuable tool. I never have to worry about getting into a wreck or having car problems and not being able to reach anyone. As long as I have my cell phone, I feel safe. Granted, I know that reception isn't always perfect, but you can get service almost everywhere now, so I feel confident that I'll be able to reach someone if I ever need help.

The internet definitely has its downs along with its ups, but really, it's a pretty incredible resource. The whole world is at your fingertips! You can find almost any answer to almost any question on the internet. You can learn new things; you can reconnect with old friends; you can find books, movies or music you've been hunting for; you can even do your Christmas shopping!

Technology is incredible. Even 30 years ago, most of this technology would have sounded like science fiction. Yet here it is! And it's still growing by leaps and bounds. New technology is introduced all the time!

It's an amazing world we live in.

I'm grateful to live in this day and age, where the world is made so much more accessible, and friends and family are always just a click away.

24 Days of Thanksgiving - Day Thirteen

Music is powerful stuff. 

It can make you feel powerful emotions when you listen to it. Music can be dark and fearsome, or light and happy. It can make you laugh, cry, or even think. It can help you release pent-up frustrations, or make you relive a fond memory. And nothing in the world brings the Spirit as strongly as a hymn.

I feel blessed that I have musical abilities. I sing, and I'm not a terrible pianist. That means that I can sit down at the piano with a piece of music, and accompany my own singing. 

Performing a piece of music, even just for yourself in the comfort of your own home, can be as powerful as listening to it. 

Doctrine and Covenants 25:12 says, "For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads."

When we sing songs that glorify God, it's a kind of prayer. He loves music, and delights in it just as we do. And music being the powerful tool it is when it comes to stirring souls and evoking emotions, it brings a whole new level to hymns of praise. Without the music, they're nice poems and prayers. When you add the music, though, they become something incredibly powerful. 

Why else do you suppose radio stations start playing Christmas music in October? It makes people happy. It reminds them of the joys of the holiday season, and calls to mind memories of happy Christmases past. Hearing Christmas music makes people feel joyful, because they associate it with all of their Christmas memories and traditions, and gets them excited about the upcoming season. 

Then consider movies. If it were just people on a screen, with dialogue and sharp editing, it might draw you in a little bit. But it's the music playing underneath the action on the screen that makes you feel connected to the movie. The soundtrack lets you know when something scary is about to happen, or when you should be expecting something exciting, or romantic. 

Who can forget those two slow bass notes underscoring the movie Jaws? Every time they play, you know the shark is near. Your heart begins to beat a little faster, and you find yourself holding your significant other's hand in a death grip. 

Music is powerful.

I'm fortunate to be the choir director at my church. With Christmas falling on a Sunday this year, I want to make sure the program is especially wonderful. As I said before, nothing brings the Spirit as quickly as music does. In my mind, there are few better ways to celebrate the birth of the Savior than with joyous hymns of praise. And because I'm the choir director, I've been able to immerse myself in Christmas music for several weeks now. It's a little stressful at times, trying to teach everyone their parts and make the music sound beautiful, but I know that if we do a good job, we'll be able to touch the hearts of everyone in the congregation on Christmas Day. 

I'm also trying to put together an Easter program for next year. I haven't started it yet, but I want to get it going after the new year. I'd like to put on a production of The Garden by Michael McLean. It's about the Savior's atonement. There's not a lot of "acting" in it. It's more or less all music. But it shares a message much more poignantly than any mere play could do. Every time I listen to the music from The Garden, I find myself weeping. The power is in the music. 

I'm grateful for music. I can't imagine a world without it. And I'm grateful that I've been blessed with the ability to contribute a music of my own, that doesn't make other people cringe and plug their ears. 

Much. ;)

24 Days of Thanksgiving - Day Twelve

I wasn't sure what I was going to talk about today, until I remembered that - duh! - it's my little brother's birthday!

Normally I might talk about all of my siblings in one big post. This isn't because they don't deserve their own, special, individual posts. It's more a matter of consolidation, because there are only 24 days of Thanksgiving, and there are so many things I'm grateful for!

But since it's his birthday, as a special gift to him, I'm going to talk about my brother, Daniel.

On the ski lift in Park City, UT

I love all of my siblings. Let's be clear about that. I have a unique relationship with each of them. But Daniel was my favorite when I was growing up. It's probably because he was the baby (until Joseph came along, and I was already heading to college by then), and I was the oldest. Also, since he was so much younger than me, he never got on my nerves like Andrew and Alyssa did occasionally.

I'm not saying that he's still my #1 favorite. As I've gotten older, my relationships with all of my siblings have grown into something special. I couldn't possibly pick a favorite now.

Rocking a moose hat!

But when I was growing up... yeah. Daniel was my favorite.

For one thing, he was ridiculously cute. When he was little, he had these huge, solemn brown eyes. He would just look at you, and you wanted to cuddle with him.

Then there was the lace thing. He loved lace. He would find lace, take it carefully in his pudgy fingers, and rub it underneath his nose.

It was so cute! It did cause problems in church, though, when the only place lace was available was on one of his sisters' (or mother's) slips. He would shove our skirts up and attempt to rub the lace from our slips under his nose. It was hilarious, but obviously problematic, so eventually Mom just bought him a length of lace from a fabric store. Problem solved.

It's a race!

As he got bigger, he got goofier. What kid doesn't? But the great thing about Daniel was, he was willing to do pretty much anything I asked him to do. Sometimes I just wanted him to get me a drink of water or a blanket. Other times, I'd tell him to do something stupid, and he would immediately agree.

Daniel enjoys a good photo bomb. 

One instance comes to mind: He was about five years old, and I was twelve. I was helping him take a bath, and I thought it would be funny to get a picture of him streaking through the house. Why, you ask? I just told you I was twelve, what more explanation do you need?

So, I told him to wait for the signal. I went and got my camera, positioned myself on the stairs, and shouted, "Now!" He came running around the corner (wearing nothing but his birthday suit) and raced down the hall. I got a picture of the back of him, complete with tiny buns, as he sprinted away on his skinny little legs.

The pictures I take of him now are much nicer. :)

Another time, when we were older (15 and 8, respectively), I was doing a lot of video taping. We were living in El Salvador, and I was making videos for my friends back home.

We found the box of Halloween costumes, and I convinced Daniel to try them on. Most of them were girl costumes, but he had no problem with this. I have some lovely footage of Daniel dressed as a bride, a clown, and a 20's-era flapper. And boy, did he work  those costumes. He was clearly enjoying himself.

Daniel is 22 now. To be honest, though, not that much has changed. He doesn't do the lace thing anymore, but he'll still do pretty much whatever I ask. Fortunately, I'm enough of an adult now that I don't make him cross-dress.

Dad brought this dress back from Iraq for my mom.

Much.

Daniel is one of the best people I know. When my little girl was about 18 months old, he came and watched her for a week so Ben and I could go on an anniversary trip. Daniel was only 18 years old himself, and probably would rather have been out with friends, living his own life. But he didn't even hesitate when I asked. He took care of her for almost a whole week, and did a great job, too.

Right after he graduated from high school, when Evie was around eight months old, he watched her every night while Ben and I performed in summer dinner theater. We performed every night but Sundays, so that effectively killed any social life he might have had otherwise. But he was completely willing to do it. I suspect that this is because he's a freaking awesome guy. And Evie loves him completely. He's such a fun, fantastic uncle.

Not only is he great with kids, he's also one of the all-around best people I know.

He's funny, he's charming, he's handsome, he's loyal, he's courageous... I could go on forever.

Daniel and Bones

Right after the Prop 8 stuff was going on, our church had one of its bi-annual conference meetings. The leadership of the church all get together for these events, and it's broadcast all over the world.

Because of Prop 8, there was a lot of anger being directed at the church. Temples and homes had been vandalized, members of the church had received threats, and there was a lot of general ugliness. I found myself a little bit worried that someone might try to assassinate the prophet during the conference. What better way to get back at the church? And let's face it, there are crazy people out there. Joseph Smith, Jr, our first prophet in the latter days, was assassinated. So it's not a completely idiotic concern.

I was telling Daniel and Andrew about my worries, and one of them (I'm not a hundred percent sure which one it was) said, "If anyone came into the conference center with a gun, you know both of us would tackle the guy without hesitation. And so would every other guy there, probably."

And it's true. I know for a fact that either of my brothers (and Joseph, too, once he's grown up) would jump on an armed gunman if it meant saving lives. I remember Daniel telling me about how he chased a purse-snatcher once. He didn't catch the guy, but he also didn't hesitate to try.

You don't want to mess with this!

Daniel is literally one of the very best men I have ever known in my life, and I have known some really incredible guys. I suspect that this is because people like to be around other people who are similar to what they're already familiar with. Growing up in a family of amazing men, it makes sense that I would surround myself with other amazing men in other stages of my life.

Evie and Daniel taking on Grams and Joseph at air hockey.

All of my brothers are incredible, and I could talk forever about all the great experiences I've had with each of them. But Daniel and I have always had such a good, close relationship, that he definitely holds a special place in my heart.

I love you, Daniel, and I'll be grateful forever that I was blessed to be your sister.

Happy birthday!

PS - You're my favorite. ;)

24 Days of Thanksgiving - Day Eleven

First off, I'd like to note that today is 11/11/11, and that I'm writing this at precisely 11 am. If I hurry, maybe I can get it posted by 11:11! That means this post will be extra lucky! Whoever reads it will receive $500 on their front porch! That, or a swift kick in the patootie. Don't blame me, it wasn't my idea. ;)

So, along with it being a very special day numerically speaking, it's also a very special holiday. One that frequently gets overlooked. One that has become more meaningful to me over the years.

Today is Veteran's Day!

As you know, I'm married to an Air Force man. Since he has officially deployed overseas, that makes him a veteran in every sense of the word. And honestly, I couldn't be prouder of him.

It's not easy, being a military wife. Your husband has to be gone a lot of the time, so you spend long stretches at a time basically as a single parent. You get emotional whenever a TV commercial has a military parent coming home and hugging his or her family. You cry over stories of people waiting patiently and respectfully on a commercial airplane while a soldier's body is taken off of the plane. You get furious when you hear about people protesting at military funerals. Your heart aches whenever the media makes a disparaging remark about the troops, or spins a story to make the troops look like bad guys. You hug your kids more, trying to find ways to explain to them why their dad can't be home all the time like their friends' dads. You get scared every time casualties are reported in the area where your husband is deployed. You proudly wear T-shirts and display bumper stickers that let the world know that your husband is in the military, because as tough as it is, you love him and are 100% proud of his willingness to serve his country.

I'm grateful for my husband, for my father, for my grandfather, and for all the other men I know who have faithfully served this country. Without them and their willingness to put their lives on the line for the greater good, we wouldn't have the freedoms we enjoy.

This truly is the greatest country in the world. I've lived in other places around the world, and I can promise you that nobody has it as good as we do here in America. We're blessed to be able to live in this great country. And it's because of the military men and women who serve that we're able to keep those freedoms.

As the saying goes, this is the land of the free, because of the brave.

Thank you to all the courageous men and women who have fought for this country, past and present. Thank you for serving. Thank you for risking your lives so that my children and I can sleep safely at night. Thank you for leaving your families and sacrificing your comfort in order to defend those who can't defend themselves.

You are all heroes. And I'm eternally grateful to every one of you.

My Air Force hubby and his Army brother.